Thursday, January 12, 2012

Why do I smoke...an essay.

I got reamed out by my husband and my therapist today for smoking two packs a day for the last month.

It did not go well.

In fact, it made me want to smoke while I was getting reamed out.

I know, I know...IT'S BAD FOR YOU AND WILL KILL YOU.

The problem is that it's not enough of a deterrent some days. It's a thought of relief.

I am going to get a prescription for the Nicotrol inhaler next week, but until then, I am going to puff away and love every second of it.

And everyone who doesnt like it can suck my balls.

At this junction of my life, I DESERVE CIGARETTES. Much like I deserve Valium.

Why did I start smoking? I was an idiot.

Why do I keep smoking?

1. To avoid risk of murdering someone.
2. Because it gives me something to do with my mouth and hands.
A. Which eliminates the need/desire/impulse to do any of the following:
a.Give random blowjobs
b.Eat
c.Tell people what I REALLY think of them.
B. Avoid exercising.
3. To not abuse alcohol.
4. To not become a pothead.
5. To not sell my children to the highest bidder.
6. To tolerate long phone conversations with uninteresting people.

I think that's enough to make my point.

4 comments:

  1. maybe you should reconsider the pot...npr ran a story on a study showing improved lung function on moderate pot users vs cigs which as we all know are bad for you.
    -Amanda G

    ReplyDelete
  2. I loooove cigarettes, and honestly? Would be smoking right now if we could afford it. I have fight the urge to lick stranger's faces as I walk by them if they're smoking in the hopes of ingesting a stray drop of nicotine. I wonder if that ever goes away.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You definitely are smoking…smoking HOT, that is. You and I have never met, but I have been a regular reader of your blog for many months. You know, you really are a strong and beautiful woman. You have much to say for yourself, and with good reason. I understand your situation, and it happens that for one reason or another, people marry below their level. I am sure in many ways your husband is a good guy and all, but he is just not your level. I’d always imagined having a woman like you next to me, travelling the world and doing cool things, like you were meant to. It’s hard to find the right one when life keeps you busy...why didn't I meet you when you were single...you didn't stay in college long enough! We all have to do what we have to do. It’s just worth it to note what a woman you are, smart and witty and damn sexy on top of it all.

    And one more thing. If you do ever decide to quit smoking, I’d sure like to be one of your “random” bj’s! ;-) Such a thing must be very very hot from a woman like you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete