It's been a looming problem within me, knowing that I pretty much just stopped blogging for about the past 3 months. I used to love to blog, and was posting 5 days a week the first year. Seems like with a theme, it was easier to decide content. But then it became more about my life and sometimes there is just too much to put in to words and sometimes you just plain old don't know what you want to share.
It's been over a year since I moved to California, and the army has become like a family member that you wish wasn't part of your blood. You want to get away from it but it will always be there. How do you learn to live a "normal" life again after 15 years being part of the military community? It's just hard enough getting used to my husband being home every day. It's hard enough for him to get used to being home every day.
And there is extreme added pressure for me to succeed at work, since I am the primary breadwinner now. Before, I could (for the most part) just work and have time for other things. Now my life has become my work and all the reasons I wanted to move to CA have fallen largely to the side, because I am so damn tired.
But I am making changes. Slowly.
First order of business is to take a vacation.
We were on the brink of making that happen, when my dad (who lives with us) was in a horrible motorcycle accident. It's been a month, now, and he is home, but still largely immobile. We are hoping to make the vacation happen next month, and I am just praying to God/Goddess/Whoeverthefuck that he is able to be alone for a week and feed the dogs so we can go lay on a beach in Mexico and drink frozen cocktails and give the middle finger to email and work.
I want so badly to put on my out of office message: "NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM-FIGURE IT OUT."
But, of course, I can't.
I am still loving my job and my boss is kick ass, even though I have a lot to work on with myself when it comes to enforcing boundaries. If you make yourself available, people will continue to bother you, especially when you are supporting a global team. The work never ends.
I wanted to have a better work/life balance out here. Where the fuck are all the hippies? I thought they'd be running this shit out here so I could take a mental health day???
Taylor has started high school. Moving out here was so awesome for him. He has done a 180 with school and is thriving. Kids are much more tolerant here, which is what we hoped for. Gavin, on the other hand, is having a hard time figuring out he's white. The child is brown on the inside (which I relate to, as I believe I should've not turned out to be a white girl sometimes. I have too much soul.) but when he uses certain speech, trying to sound like his friends who are actually brown, he just sounds like a moron. I call him "B-Rad" from that movie, "Malibu's Most Wanted". A red-headed white boy, with an urban accent is just ridiculous.
And my worst fears have come true. No, not drug use or teen pregnancy (yet)...
He wears his goddamn pants under his butt cheeks.
An issue which prompted me to pants him while in the middle of San Francisco a few weekends ago. Ha!
And he wears these black knee socks that make him look like he has sheep legs attached to his very pale body.
I just keep reminding myself...5 more years until I can get them out the door and living at college.