I've decided...some more.....

...it's okay to weigh yourself 6 times in a row, to make sure the scale is accurate. Especially when you know in your mind, that it should be less than what it is, for the amount of suffering you've done.

...that yearlong school would be more beneficial to parents AND teachers AND children. Sometimes we all need a break from each other, but maybe not a whole summer!

...the creative genius who came up with the Koehler faucet commercial with the men wearing painted on uniforms and washing them off, should be greatly rewarded! Makes me dance a little when I hear, "Working at the Car Wash."

...sadly, a "Skinny Girl" margarita is not a good diet plan. So, I think I am going back to the old version where I can make it as strong as I want and not be reminded of being skinny OR fat while I drink.

...that it's okay to drop a dish in the sink when you hear, "You've got the right stuff, baby..." blaring from the kids tv and go running in the room like there's a fire because you thought it was NKOTB. And then when your children look at you like you're insane, to pull out an actual picture of yourself at age 10 with the NKOTB after a concert and tell them that Donnie Walhberg would've been their father if you were allowed to make those kinds of choices at that age.

...that right around the time you get to fully know each other as a couple, one of you goes through a change.

...it's okay to lick the spoon, wash it off, redip it and lick it again.

...it's not that your prayers aren't heard. It's just that someone else needed help more. And that should bring you SOME kind of peace inside.

...that sadly I never know what to say to a friend in pain, but I can come up with a witty remark anytime. And I would gladly trade the two.

...it's okay to go wine tasting and drink all the samples. The spitting is "optional".

...it's wrong that society says it's wrong to laugh at someone when they fall. After you make sure they are okay, it's freaken hilarious!

My friends want to smother me with a pillow.

I know I’ve been ridiculous lately. I feel like the only thing I ever talk about is moving when I’m on the phone with my friends. I can hear it in their voices, as they trail off to mental sleep during the conversation. There is only so much you can hear someone whine about the same crap.

But like a crack addict, I can’t help myself, so I’m going to bore y’all.

Back last summer, Andy made the decision to submit his packet for recruiting duty. This was a topic of discussion during his whole deployment, but not an easy decision to make. Andy is a “hooah” infantry type. "Go infantry, or go home," has been his mantra since he joined the army 13 years ago.

But then things changed.

He realized he was missing out on knowing his kids.

He had to get hearing aids at 32, because his hearing was shot after working out at Sniper School for 3 years.

And he missed the hell out of his awesomely hot wife, who makes it a pleasure just to be alive.

He realized that his body isn’t going to withstand this abuse for another 7+ years and leave him able to work when he retires from the Army.

So he submitted his recruiting packet, which would be the Golden Ticket to sleeping in his own bed, almost every night for a 3 year period. It means no more missed birthdays or holidays. It means not having to go to bed wondering if he was shot at or mortared. It also means, we will be living in some normal, non-military community where he works 9-6(roughly) instead of 5am-7pm. After 13 years putting the army first, we come first this time. Don't get me wrong...I know that the army has to come first, so I hold no resentments. If you honestly believe otherwise, you will have a rude awakening as a military wife. But for the first time, we will be a real life civilian-esque family.

We didn’t expect to hear back so soon. He submitted his paperwork in July, and in September, we got orders for him to go to recruiting school in March. The problem was, they don’t tell you where the hell you are going. You have to choose 9 “regions”, some of which cover multiple states. Our choices, in order are:

Fresno, CA (Covering from Santa Barbara all the way north to Southern San Francisco)

Miami, FL (Covering from Vero Beach down to the Keys, including Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands)

Tampa, FL (Covering from Ocala to Daytona Beach, over through Orlando and the Tampa/Sarasota area)

Sacramento, CA (Covering North San Francisco up to southern Oregon and western Nevada)

San Diego, CA(Covering from Barstow to San Diego, excluding LA)

Jacksonville, FL (Covering north Florida and the panhandle, all of Georgia and southern South Carolina)

Mid-Atlantic (Including New Jersey and Delaware)

Harrisburg (The entire state of PA)

Baltimore(Maryland and DC)

So, we could be moving…IN 4 MONTHS!!!!! To any of these places. I have had to sit here since September, waiting to find out what freaken state I am even going to. Now he leaves in 3 weeks for recruiting school and STILL no word.

We are hoping to find out this week, but even after we find out which region, we might not have a chance to find out the city until we get there. That part is largely unknown until we can find out the region and make some phone calls.

Do you see why I am crazy? The recruiter told us last night that we might know tomorrow…so you know I’ve got a one track mind.

In other odd news…

I have still had pain in my jaw on one side since the wisdom teeth came out. Not severe, but enough that I still have to take ibuprofen. So last night, I was eating PB on toast and I felt the ridge of bone shift. I ended up pulling 3 large chunks of bone out of my gums!!! But the relief was instant. I guess I didn’t have dry socket..it was just these bone fragments down in my gums causing me the pain. Unbelieveable.



Shameless Begging About to Commence: I was nominated on Babble's Top 50 Mom Blogs List. So can you please take two minutes and click here: http://www.babble.com/babble-50/mommy-bloggers/nominate-a-blogger/index.aspx then scroll down to "Glamorous Life" (on the second page) and click on the "like" button.

Dude, I need to lay off the Perc's

And so, 6 days after my wisdom teeth came out, I finished the last of my Percocet. (sniffle) It was great going to sleep, feeling like I was floating...not overanalyzing the day I have had. And NO PAIN. Oh yeah...I better update you on that:

So I was having a little bit of pain on Tuesday in my jaw. Not what people describe dry socket to be like...just a dull ache, which was what I had assumed I would feel all week. So I figured since I had to go back to work Wednesday after lounging in bed for 4 days straight, I would get a visit in with the dentist to confirm it WASN'T dry socket. Well, he said it was, and shoved this clove-tasting gauze down in the socket. It didn't hurt, just tasted horribly nasty and I thought I was going to ralph. When Andy got it shoved down his tooth hole, it made him feel better immediately. It has made absolutely NO difference in how my jaw feels AND the dentist didn't give me an antibiotic, which is leading me to believe that I have an infection, NOT dry socket. (Don't you like the way I diagnose myself? Damn WebMD!)

So I am going back today after work to have them pull this gauze out and undoubtedly stuff more back in. My life doesnt sound so glamorous today, huh? All this, and it's still not as bad as I thought it was going to be, so I can't really complain about it.

But back to the Percocet...so I had this cracked out dream that I was trying to call my mom on this retro cordless phone that had an antenna like 2 feet long, and J-Lo was there, bartending but she refused to perform "Jenny on the Block" for us, her long-time, barmate friends, and it really upset me. After all, what is the value of being BFF's with J-Lo if she won't perform her music/dance numbers for you? I also wanted to try on her Versace dress from the P. Diddy Era, but it wouldn't even fit in my dreams. I can only assume J-Lo being in my dream is a reflection of the one haphazard episode of American Idol I unfortunately watched last week. As for the old-ass cordless phone, I am guessing this has something to do with me being attached to my Droid 24/7 lately. It's got something new to play with every day. It's so much better than my Blackberry was. I actually "peeped" from my phone last night for the first time. I keep wanting to type "peed" though. I think I like "tweeted" more.

I am hoping the Dr gives me some more Percocet...and it's not completely lost on me that a drug addict would say the same thing. lol. Honestly, I don't think it would make a difference because my jaw hurts the most while I am at work, and taking narcotics at work is generally frowned upon...At most of the jobs I've had anyway.

Andy and I are headed to PA for the weekend, ALONE...SANS CHILDREN. Which is a good thing, since last night he grounded Gavin for 4 weeks for back-talking. It started with a week, and then Gavin kept going so Andy kept going. I explained to Gavin this morning, the finer points of winning an argument with his father, and that he was not going to EVER win by challenging him. Andy's like a bull...when you challenge him, he sees red and has to charge. I also told Gavin that I could be a powerful and mighty ally to have when he is a teenager, and that I could be "bought" for a price. (I figure if I get in there now, I can profit off this.)He mostly looked confused, as is the case at 6am. Shit, it's 9:15am and I still look confused. Did I mention I've been taking Percocet this week?

Have an awesome Thursday.

I’m Single-Handedly Responsible for the Demise of My Son’s Social Life

In other words, it's just another day of my Bad-Assery in the realm of parenthood.

Before I made their "shitlist."

I would like to start by saying that I am fundamentally opposed to the idea of a 10 year old having a cell phone. I didn’t get a cell phone until I was 21 and had two kids. It exposes them to the demons of “sexting” and all the disgusting forwards that I know damn well these kids are sending each other. It also makes it harder for me to spy on him, now that I know he knows that I check his texts periodically and I’m sure he deletes them. It allows him to receive phone calls that I am not screening because I don’t know if he’s getting them, like he would on a home phone.

All this being said, I am generally lazy. This means that I don’t want to have to call 8 parents to find my son when he is outside playing during the day, and then get stuck in long, boring conversations with people who I have no interest in befriending.

Thank god my son’s best friend here has a cool mom. We had the chance to bond when the boys were arrested last spring for stealing a skateboard, and charged WITH A FELONY!!! We literally met at the police station when they hauled them in. Sometimes violations of the law bring families closer together! Turns out, there was a 3rd kid who actually made off with the skateboard and our two sons went to the house from which the skateboard was stolen and told them what happened, but the mother believed that since our ten year olds didn’t tackle the kids and stop it, they were also involved, so all three boys were charged with larceny and burglary. Which kills me, because it was broad daylight and it was taken out of an open garage. Gavin has had his skateboard and two bikes stolen out of our garage, but we are the morons who left it open, so that’s our bad. I am not one of those mothers who think their kids do no wrong. Believe me, I was ready to hang him upside down by his toenails when the cop came to my door. But you know when your kid is lying, and I knew he was telling the truth. The other mother and I cross-examined each other's kids and their stories matched up. They had also gone back to her house and told her what happened right away, so we felt confident that they did the right thing. They ended up having to write an apology letter to the kid, which I wrote since I was not going to make Gavin apologize for something he didn’t do…it’s the principle of the thing. Had the mother come to me, I probably would’ve grounded him just for being in the vicinity, but she was a bitchface and utterly RIDICULOUS, so screw her.

Anyway…back to cell phones…

So I got a new Droid Incredible this week. It IS pretty incredible, other than the fact it doesn’t hold a charge longer than 9 hours, whether I’m using it or not. So Gavin was super pissed because he doesn’t have a texting phone, and threw a giant fit that EVERYONE else he knows has them and he’s the only one without one. He actually said it hurts his fingers to text on a normal keypad. WHAT???!!! Never mind the fact he was already grounded from it for some other infraction. But then I have my sister, who works for Verizon, get my account checked out to make sure I’m not paying too much a month…and she discovers that the little shit texted back to a commercial and now it’s charging me $20 a month!! Instead of taking it like a man, he immediately lied about it when I confronted him. So I grounded him for another two weeks. Which is more of a punishment for me, normally, but tomorrow morning I get my wisdom teeth out, so I figure I will sleep most of the weekend anyway from all the fun drugs. So it’s more of a punishment for Andy. (Callous Snicker.)

Now it’s my fault that we are moving, and that he isn’t going to have any friends, so I should be letting him spend what time he has left with the ones he has here. He gives a compelling argument, and when he gets really creative, I just want to give in because it’s impressive. Sometimes I do. I take pride in their ability to talk their way out of a situation. That’s not something that comes naturally to most people, unless you’re a politician. But I didn’t give in this time because I was pretty mad. So I have become the WORST mother, and he is about to become a social outcast because he is without his cell phone for three weeks (even though it’s not a texting phone).

I will sleep well tonight with that thought.



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Screw Yoga. And besides, I’m not that flexible anyway.

^{Maybe it’s because of my parents. Or maybe it’s because I DON”T drink enough. Either way, my life is not what you would call “balanced.” I don’t really know anyone whose truly is. There is always something missing in your life…something unattainable and teetering on the edge of “off”.} 

^{I am a passionate person. I love hard, I play hard, I crash hard. I don’t believe in doing things halfway. If I am going to fail at something (which I have plenty of times) then at least I will succeed in failing. And I am okay with that, because I have realistic expectations about my life, and I know that shit is going to happen.}

^{This being said, I am a horrible over-analyzer…to the point it gives me panic attacks. (Hence, the Xanax)}

^{This is a recent gift that has been bestowed upon me, in the last, say, two years… pretty much since I moved to New York. It sucks. It feels like someone is sitting on your chest and you feel, well…panicky. What do I stress out about? All things that I have no control over..that’s why I am stressed. I have a certain amount of faith in my own abilities, and relatively none in anyone else. In the evening, I look forward to taking my Xanax and not stressing out. Have a cup of tea and just sit and relax.}

^{My problem is that I have to stop taking it because I think it’s making me depressed. Well, that and the fact I am depriving my body of delicious things to eat that make me happy. Oh, and there could also be some residual effects from the fact I HATE where I live and it’s miserably cold, boring and dreary. I think that about sums it up. But I think it’s mostly the pills. It’s also made me have almost no desire to have sex, which, for me is highly unusual. So I stopped taking it about two weeks ago and am waiting for my internal fountain to spring once again. And I am going on vacation in approximately 2 months, and then I am moving somewhere where people can breed without medical approval…which will be a HUGE stress while it’s happening, yet relieving at the same time.}

^{Until then, however, if I get one more person explaining the finer points of yoga, I swear I will do some ninja moves on your ass and help you find YOUR inner chi. My brain works too fast to meditate, I don’t look good in spandex and you can call it what you want, but it’s still exercise. You are fooling NO ONE! In the meantime, I will increase my alcohol consumption and sleep a lot.}

^{I open my chakra’s with Mojito’s, baby.}

I was nominated on Babble's Top 50 Mom Blogs List. So pretty please take two minutes and click here: http://www.babble.com/babble-50/mommy-bloggers/nominate-a-blogger/index.aspx then scroll down to "Glamorous Life" and click on the "like" button.
Thanks a bunch!

I've decided....(2)

…it’s okay to take time to get to bond with your husband again after deployment. After all, it takes a year to get used to living without them, so it can take a while to get used to living with them again.

…that lint rollers are ineffective in the battle against dog hair on your clothes. I have learned to live with the fact that I have now grown my own winter coat.

…that new mothers that have jogging strollers and use them really piss me off. Who the hell has time to run with a newborn???

…I like to hibernate in the winter like bears. There is nothing more satisfying than to stay in bed when it’s cold outside, with a book and a cup of hot tea.

…that a new purse is like Chicken Soup to the Soul, more so than even Chicken Soup. And like new shoes, you can never have enough.

…if people judge you, they are really just insecure with their own choices. Everyone is different and no one has all the right answers.

…it’s okay to still hate people from your past. Anger gives you the power to make changes and can be very cleansing.

...it's okay to be a little surprised when you find out your ex-boyfriend got married and no one told you.

…to skip makeup once a week and just moisturize. My skin needs to breathe!!!

…my butt looks good in jeans. But it’s scary as hell in a bathing suit.

…I’m afraid to get a bikini wax. I cry like a baby when I get my eyebrows done, so I can’t imagine the agony of hair removal from my hoo-ha.

…I like my husbands grey hair, but will continue to color mine until I die.




I was nominated on Babble's Top 50 Mom Blogs List. So pretty please take two minutes and click here: http://www.babble.com/babble-50/mommy-bloggers/nominate-a-blogger/index.aspx then scroll down to "Glamorous Life" and click on the "like" button.
Thanks a bunch!