What I heard this week: Politics Made Me Vomit

I chose to not vote this election season. Yes, I feel guilty for not doing my civic duty, however, since I am a civil servant and an army wife, I’m pretty sure I am doing my part.

I didn’t vote mostly because I don’t like any of the candidates, and I am tired of the same bullshit. I am striking against the people who have been in office for too long/the wrong reasons, and RUINING our country. The country that my husband has put his life on the line TWICE to defend, and I am mad as hell that people who don't have the courage to serve, feel that they have the right to screw it up. I am an Independent, so I don’t vote down party lines. I tend to vote for the candidate who presents the best ideas and who doesn’t completely skeeve me out. My views are definitely more on the liberal side, however, because I am closely affiliated with the Army, I believe in a strong defense system.

I hate when people bash the "President" for all of our problems. Do you realize that the President is our Mick Jagger? He/She/It is the front man of the group, but the music can’t be made with one singer. The President is no more than the "Great and Powerful Oz". The man behind the curtain is the one we need to watch more carefully: The House and the Senate are responsible for making the decisions that govern our country. The President is extremely limited in what power he has. Our forefathers set it up this way, so that we couldn’t have a dictator. So all of the things that happened to this country in the past 10 years, did not happen because of George W. Sorry, folks.. I don’t deny that 9/11 wasn’t the scapegoat for the oil mongers wanting war. But the bottom line is that Saddam Hussein should have been eliminated when he was committing genocide against his own people…AS A HUMANITARIAN MISSION. People saving other people are not enough motivation to start a war, so they waited until there was a good reason. Watch the movie, “Wag the Dog”, and you will get my point.

Osama Bin Laden should’ve been taken out when Clinton was President but we are to blame for that because we distracted him with the whole impeachment business because he was being “Slick Willy”. Maybe if he wasn’t trying to preserve his legacy from being destroyed bc he got a BJ, he would’ve been able to focus on the briefings. I'm sure the hanky-panky wasn't going on during these meetings. Internationally, Clinton wasn't seen in a negative light. The American public looked less evolved, hysterical and immature to the rest of the world.

Bush was a moron. I give you that. But he didn’t destroy the economy. That was us being greedy and buying things we didn’t have money to pay for. It was a giant pyramid system, and we all got caught up in the bubble. The worst thing that we did was bail out the banks. I was completely against that, but there was support from both sides of the aisle because their own back pockets were being fed. I don’t think we can trust the large percentage of politicians unless we find a way to ban them from taking money from special interest groups, and setting limits on terms so that the same dynasty is not allowed to run the country.

Thank God that Christine O’Donnell was not elected. I consider myself a Christian, but this “Tea Party” is the Christian equivalent of radical Islamists. Whenever you have party factions that lean too heavily to one side or the other, you are opening a divide instead of uniting a country. I hope that we can become more of a freethinking, coexisting America that can work together instead of finding more divides. The reason for a separation of church and state, is that religion should not play a part in politics because it is an inflamatory issue and has been since it's inception. You can't choose one religion for the entire country to abide by. At the same token, the freedom of religion should not be limited by this very rule. To each his/her own...

I don’t like some of the things that Obama has done. I think he needs to put together a better health plan. But I think we need a health plan. It’s not for us now, but for us when we are old and not working. It’s for if you end up with cancer and your health insurance doesn’t cover your treatments. Instead of being distracted by his color, and saying he’s the “anti-christ”, why don’t we give the man some credit that he is at least trying to do what he said he would BEFORE he was elected, and see if we can’t work together on the details to make it work. Let’s not make business, personal. We would get so much more accomplished that way. How about setting rules that if there is a “Lame Duck” session, then our politicians get their pay lowered for wasting our money and getting nothing done? How about we vote on their pay raises as Propositions on the ballot? Let’s change the rules and see if we can’t start getting people to come together to find a better way to be a country, and get ourselves back to the superpower we once were and not this nightmare we've become.

Motherhood…sheesh.

Growing up as an Army brat can’t be the easiest thing. For instance, my sons are extremely baffled when people ask them where they are from. Taylor wants to say Pennsylvania since he was born there. Gavin is under the assumption he is a southern boy since he was born in Georgia, and we have spent the most time living there. I find that pretty funny considering he’s half-Canadian, and that’s about as “Yankee” as you can get!

But Army brats do have a worldly element about them…making them a little more mature than other kids their age. I have wondered since they were babies, how would I ever discuss all the grown-up topics with them? Well…if I’ve learned anything, it’s that these situations present themselves.

Last week, the boys were getting ready for school. Keep in mind, it’s 6am and my mind doesn’t function until I am awake a few hours. I can’t even EAT for at least 2 hours after actually getting out of bed…unless I am served IN bed.

Anyway...

So Gavin was discussing a good friend of his at school, and he says, “Yeah, me and so-and-so are butt-buddies.”

At this point, I am sure I cocked my head to the side in confusion, looking one part “dog” and one part Andy when is pretending he didn’t hear what I said the first time in order to make me repeat it. (This is an on-going game when you live with 4 men.) “What did you just say?” I asked him, sure I heard it wrong. “We are butt-buddies…you know, when you are best friends with someone,” he said innocently.

“Gavin…that is busom buddies!” At this point, I was almost biting through the inside of my cheek. “You probably don’t want to go around school telling people you are butt-buddies with someone because it will make people think you are gay, and you aren’t.”

“Why would that make people think I’m gay?” he asked, weaving an even stickier web. By this point, Taylor is fully interested in the topic too. “Because,” I said, flustered. “That’s how gay men have sex.” (Um, not that there’s anything wrong with that?!)

The looks of horror put me over the edge, and I couldn’t hold back my laughter anymore.
I realize that you may be shocked that I would tell my children the truth on that one, but we have open discussions about things in my house and my kids are not afraid to ask me about any topic. And I don’t know if I would have described it quite the same, had I not been kung-fu kicked with the topic before the sun was even up. And I just want to clarify that I am trying to teach my kids that people are different, and gay doesn't equal wrong. But I don't want to them to get their butt kicked because they didn't know what they were talking about. What else are you supposed to say to something like that?


What funny questions have your children asked you, and how did you respond?

Oh, not a man in spandex before I've had my coffee...

I didn't think I would, nor could devote a post to this issue, but I guess I was wrong.

Last night, my mother in law was telling Andy about how a man brought his kids trick-or-treating in a spandex Spiderman suit, and how it's one thing when you are going to an adult Halloween party, but to be out where there are swarms of kids in spandex is entirely another. It's INAPPROPRIATE.

I would have to agree. I went to NYC with some friends a few years back to go Christmas shopping, and low and behold in Times Square...there was Spidey. It must have been in the 30's that day (I was wearing a scarf!) but there he was, with all his glory-bits out in the wind. I couldn't resist nodding downwards when I said, "It's a bit chilly, huh?"

Then this morning, I was driving to work when I am smacked in the face by the image of a man walking (NOT EVEN RUNNING), wearing electric blue shiny spandex. Now, we all know that this is going to happen from time to time, but there needs to be some kind of "heads up". We can expect men in spandex at cycling events, wrestling, the gym and marathons. I would imagine the chill would make you quite nimble as you dart around other competitors with ease from the silkiness. We can even expect, no...ANTICIPATE, that when we go to the beach, some misguided soul will bust out a shiny speedo in three sizes too small. It doesn't make it right, but my point is, we are ready for it...that's why people bring coolers of alcohol to the beach!

This man that offended my eyes and set my week off to a horrific start, was atleast 50 years old. I am not saying that 50 is old, because generally it isn't. But again, there is a shelf-life as to how long you can wear anything that tight. One of my bff's said that old men just don't realize it. I will make sure my husband realizes it! How are you not aware of something getting twisted between your knees when you run??!!! There are certain issues dealing with gravity that just make it...Oh, I know....I'm sorry. It's still Manic Depressive Monday and you are having trouble with these images.

I will just leave it like this:

Ladies, if you have a man and he wears spandex, you better make sure it is at a socially acceptable event and I have some kind of pre-warning or I am coming looking for you because you know better.

Readers: What other situations do you think might be "spandex appropriate" for men? Please post your comments!

Let me tell you why I hate Halloween...

The Offenders

It's not so much the candy part. Any holiday that involves eating, I am generally in favor of. But with Halloween, it comes with stipulations. And I am usually skeptical of anything that requires action on my part.

When you have children, they want to trick or treat. I enjoyed this as a child, carrying my sacks of candy home, munching happily along the way. Until I DID get home, and my parents confiscated it to search for razor blades in apples and suspicious tampering of wrappers. I don't think I ever met anyone that found an actual razor blade in a piece of fruit, but this was the guise my parents operated under. The next day, the candy had vanished in to a lazy susan, which was transported by armored car to my fathers work....never to be seen or heard from again.

When I had kids, the costumes became more expensive and the quality of loot went waaaayyy down. It becomes an annual fight to even choose a costume. After we spend an entire weekend looking at Walmart, Target, the PX and finally landing at the over-priced seasonal costume store...looking at EVERY single costume...Just when I am about to keel over from exhaustion...my sons choose the same costume:

Last year, the little hooligans got me by telling me that their friend's mom wanted me to go with her to take the boys trick or treating. So I showed up at the house, where she told me it was wonderful that I said I would take HER THREE children trick or treating so she could stay at home and hand out candy!!! So I was stuck alone, taking 5 children around the neighborhood while she stayed in her toasty house. I bet she ate all the candy herself after we left. Kicked back with a glass of wine, and enjoyed the quiet.

Thats what I would've done.

So this year, we have bribed the kids to go have dinner and ice cream at Friendly's, or as I call it "BFF Friendly's." No trick or treating. Don't come to my house! "Keep on knockin', but you can't come in!"

Countdown to KP Duty

So, Andy comes home last night and tells me we are having 13-15 people over for Thanksgiving.

While this is not a new feat to tackle, I had hoped to keep our guestlist to a minimum number of single soldiers this year. I was thinking, 3 or 4. Instead, he invited ALL of the single soldiers and even a few couples. I am not a mean person, but I don't have room for all of these people. All night long, I find myself wondering "would it be wrong to make my kids, my parents or the soldiers eat in the other room?"

After I had my 5-minute freakout...I realized this is manageable. After the first several times you host large groupings of men in their late teens/early twenties and you see how much they eat, you don't feeling guilty handing out assignments as to what they can bring with them. Married couples have cooking facilities, so they are more than capable of providing some sort of side dish. Always give your husband the menu so he can relay what you are already making, dodging the awkwardness of "oh, ANOTHER jello mold!" (Okay, so no one makes jello molds anymore, but you get the idea.) Single soldiers can bring the rolls, the pies, the drinks...things that don't require cooking and that they can pick up at the store.

Another word to the wise, unless you want these people at your house for the next 24 hours, plan to eat around 1 or 2pm. Army guys have a tendency to like to drink beer, and before you know it, they are playing poker or watching football or napping while you trying to tame the carnage that is left. One New Years Eve, we had invited a couple over (my first time meeting them) and not only did she leave her drunk husband at my house for the night....she came back the next day with bags full of groceries, let herself in, cooked breakfast in MY kitchen while I was asleep, and proceeded to stay the entire next day until about 10pm!!! She didn't even bring her husband a change of clothes! I will never invite these people over again because I don't know if they will ever leave.

Buy yourself a bottle of wine and save it for after the dishes. Or better yet, put your feet up and enjoy a glass while your husband leads the platoon in KP duty.