Army life, Army wife...not for long!

Well, we have officially moved in to the MEB process of being medically retired from the army.

It fucken sucks.

It seems that paperwork is the army's kryptonite. They can't put things together And use simple time management skills unless it involves guns or large machinery.

The horrible part is trying to deal with the disjointed medical staff, who don't really care about the soldiers they are out processing. I'm sure the tables will turn if they ever have to experience waiting for a year with no job to do, in order to find out if someone screwed them over by leaving something out of the medical records.

I highly advise all spouses to be directly involved with their soldiers MEB and PEB processing, as well as all the ACAP meetings. Your husband will miss 70% of the info given, and then come home and leave it out.

I would also like to say that while there are plenty of pogues who use mental disorders to get out, there are soldiers who desperately need the help, and it's time to stop treating them like they are less of a man because they sought treatment. Do it before it ruins your life, because at some point, it WILL catch up with you.

First and foremost, put your health and your family first, because you will need their love and support when making a transition like this.

If any of you have questions about the process, feel free to email me.
Ive got your back!

Once a Bride, Never a Bridesmaid.

I would like to think of myself as someone who has some pretty awesome friends. These are the kind of friends you end up at Bingo with when you are 80…old, blue-haired bitches wearing scarves around their pincurls. And our husbands all ignore our ridiculousness.

So you tell me why they don’t love me enough to let me be in their weddings?

After all, it’s all about ME. Lol.

You see all these movies that tell you that you are going to be in each other’s weddings and hate your dress, and it’s one big happy mess, but you remember it for the rest of your life.

I was a bridesmaid once…in ONE of my TWO sister’s weddings. It was very nice…my dress was halfway decent. My other sister didn’t have either one of her two sisters in her wedding. I am still upset about that, and it was like 6 years ago. I think she may realize the error of her ways, now that the friends she picked turned out to be fair-weathered.

Most of my closest friends were married before I knew them, OR they had small weddings, not having attendants, other than a sister.

My divorced/divorcing friends will probably not have another wedding if they get married. You just don’t see it often.

My best friend, I will call her “Sir”…got married in Vegas a few years ago. It was a lovely wedding, but low key, so she didn’t have traditional attendants. Only her sister and her husband’s best friend. Yes, I was disappointed, but I understood, given the location. I still carried out my Best Friend duties of helping where needed and planning the Bachelorette party, at which I am a master.

Now HER sister is getting married. She’s been like my little sister since I was 10. She’s also the last of the bunch, and she’s become one of my best friends over the years since she got too tall for me to terrorize.

And guess what?

I’m a bridesmaid, bitch.

Although, I think it’s out of guilt….and I’m okay with that.

She didn’t want a large bridal party either, mostly due to the men we all marry, don’t have a lot of dude friends to wear a monkey suit and stand up for them. But she realizes she needs my "expert" planning skills, and since we talked about it since we were young and she was one of my bridesmaids, it’s come full circle. In any case, I am very excited and honored to be a part of it.

Keri

Yes, I can finally stop whining about where I'm moving....right after I blog about it!

Well, friends...the verdict is in!

I had an unusually long meeting yesterday at work, and I was dying to get out and check Andy's email to see if the recruiter had responded with our assignment. Andy had called me the same time the meeting broke, so he was on the phone with me when I was opening it...and low and behold, it said very simply, "You are assigned to the Fresno, CA Battalion."

I'M MOVING TO CALIFORNIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is amazing. For the first 20 minutes, I felt a little rocked and even nauseous. I really thought we'd be moving to Florida. So much, that I had only really starting compiling research for Florida. This is a huge move, since we are in Upstate NY, and we have two dogs to bring with us that are NOT lap-sized. It's going to be pretty crazy to load it all up in 3 months and move it across the country.

And it's super overwhelming. Starting over, finding a new job, a house, schools, doctors. The only part that makes me feel calm in this is knowing that two of my very best friends live there. They are like sisters to me, except they are sisters that I picked. lol. We've been friends since we were younger than my sons are now. And I've always wanted to live in NY and Cali...although my NY dreams were more in the city, so this wasn't the experience I had imagined.

Let me explain about the "Fresno" part. That's the name of the region we chose, not that we will be living in Fresno. When Andy talked to them yesterday (yes, I made him call IMMEDIATELY)they asked where we wanted to be, and he told them close to San Francisco, since my friends live there. So they said they will have an actual city assignment for us by Wednesday. I won't hold them to that, but I can tell you Andy will be calling them on Thursday if we don't hear back from them.

In any case, my nerves will calm and clear when I find out the city because I will be in PCS-mode, making plans and arrangements. I work best under pressure. I am not really too worried about this move, when I realize I moved to Alaska with a 6 month old and a 18 month old. If I can do that, I can pretty much run the world.

I celebrated with an Ambien, so I could actually sleep for a full night and I was so exhausted, I racked out about 10pm...which is early for me. It seems real now, that we will be finally getting out of this awful place, because Ft Drum sucks balls.

Where was the worst place you lived and why?




Shameless Begging About to Commence: I was nominated on Babble's Top 50 Mom Blogs List. So can you please take two minutes and click here: http://www.babble.com/babble-50/mommy-bloggers/nominate-a-blogger/index.aspx then scroll down to "Glamorous Life" (on the second page) and click on the "like" button.

I have kind of crappy luck...

If you haven't realized by now, I have horrible luck and as a result, even worse timing. I guess it wasn't the best choice to start my "positive thinking" exercise now, but how can you ever predict something really awful is going to happen?

In any case, I did pretty well to get through yesterday and this weekend. I had a pretty good weekend, getting a few things accomplished around the house. We are officially in the Pre-PCS(Primary Change of Station, for you non-military peeps) stage, with only 4 months to go until we leave this God-forsaken place.

Since we go on vacation soon, and Andy leaves from there for recruiting school, any last minute chores I need him to accomplish have to be done in the next two weeks. There is quite a laundry list for the poor guy. I am such a control freak, I would do most of it myself, except for the fact I'm kind of lazy when it comes to stuff I know he can't screw up. I'm not saying Andy screws things up all the time...when it's things that are high on his list of priorities, it's done immaculately.

Let me give you an example: He started refinishing my dining room set two months ago. I have a table done, 3 chairs are stained but not varnished and 3 chairs are yet to be touched. He has this weekend to get it done because next weekend, he will be packing. So on Sunday, you would think he would prioritize and get cracking on the chairs...but instead, he decides to go through the kids toys in their rooms and weed them out.

What??!?!?!?!? I have no idea. These things just pop into his head and feels compelled to get them done IMMEDIATELY, or it gives him anxiety and he can't sit down.

So here I am, cracking the whip, nagging him to finish the chairs because this is not something I am going to be doing while he is gone. I have to plan a move. I do EVERYTHING for the move. All he has to do is be my muscle, so this is the time I need him to focus on my list of things to finish up.

I started to get a little anxious on Sunday and I guess it worked it's way in to my subconscious because I didn't sleep hardly at all. I usually ruin my Sundays worrying about going back to work the next day...but I went in the bathroom and turned the shower on and just sat there. The sound of running water calms me and usually makes me tired, but it still didn't work. I tried to think of things that make me happy (no, not grilled cheese. Okay, grilled cheese makes me VERY happy...but I wasn't thinking about food THIS time) but nothing would make me tired.

But last night, I did really well, even in spite of the news we had lost a friend. I don't really want to talk anymore about the incident than what I said yesterday, out of respect for the familys privacy. I was able to really focus on relaxing by listening to music and blocking out all the negative thoughts that wanted to invade my mind. I have to push them out. It's a battle, but I am trying to find new ways to do this. What do you do to relax or meditate? I can't clear my head of all thoughts, but I CAN replace the bad thoughts with good ones.

My Interview on "Like it for Time"

As I've posted before, my friend Kristen is on a crusade to get Time Magazine to make "The Military Family" their annual, "Person of the Year". In order to do this, she has created a Facebook page in which people need to click on "Like" to create a petition.

She recently interviewed me for her webpage, "Like It" For Time:

Keri Smith, 31, works in Human Resources for the U.S. Government. She is a 31-year old mother of two sons, Taylor the “sweetheart” and Gavin the “smart-ass,” and, she writes at her blog site The Glamorous Life of an Army Wife, “I happen to be married to a soldier in the Army.”

LIFT: Why that phrasing, “I happen to be…”?

KERI: I got married to a soldier at a young age, only 19. I had yet to develop my own identity, and here I was, a mother and a wife. I see too often that
military spouses fall in to that “space between” where they have gotten married young and never developed their own lives and goals, and then they have issues later in life trying to figure out who they are. You are NOT your husband’s career. That was a choice that he made for his job. The military takes so much of my husband from me, but they won’t define me by slapping on an “Army Wife” title. I am a daughter, a caregiver, a writer, a mother, a friend… but none of these one things say who I am as a person, and what I have done with my life. I like to find my own way.

LIFT: I think people tend to believe a person is either a proud military spouse who identifies him- or herself as such, or someone who shuns all association in an effort to remain fiercely independent. Is there a middle ground, and if so, what is that middle ground?

Click Here to Read the Rest of My Interview!!





I was nominated on Babble's Top 50 Mom Blogs List. So pretty please take two minutes and click here: http://www.babble.com/babble-50/mommy-bloggers/nominate-a-blogger/index.aspx then scroll down to "Glamorous Life" and click on the "like" button.
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Do you really save money shopping on base?

Every time we have guests, they are always intrigued by the mystery of the PX and Commissary. After all, anywhere you can shop ONLY if you have proper identification is a draw for people. But I just want to clear it up for those of you who are wondering if you are missing out on some “secret squirrel” deal.

The “Shoppettes” are your run-of-the-mill gas stations. Things are generally overpriced than if you would buy them at a grocery store. They carry the same things as other gas stations, but they do carry alcohol which is great in a pinch, depending on your state’s liquor laws. Gas is normally a few cents less than it is off-post, but not cheap enough that if I didn’t pass by it on my way, I wouldn’t bother.

The Commissary is the grocery store. You definitely save money here, but it’s not a gourmet grocer. That being said, you can find a large selection of ethnic foods here because it caters to the military families, whose ethnicity is widespread. And you can special request things. Pricing is great on your canned goods, boxed sides and frozen meals. The deli section is not any cheaper than Walmart, nor is the produce. However, we have much better fruits and vegetables at ours than off-post. One downside to the Commissary is that their meats seem sketchy to me. I have gone back there several times to find raw juices dripping all over the shelves. NASTY. I have to be careful when I buy yogurt, that it’s not too close to the expiration date. They will fill an entire shelf of products that are on the cusp of expiration and this drives me insane. The other crappy thing is that the baggers who work there only work for tips, so you feel incredibly guilty if you don’t let them bag your groceries and they insist on taking it out to your car. And a lot of them are retired Veterans, so you really feel like an asshole if you say no. All in all, I avoid the Commissary when I have money to spend on better quality, but in a budgetary pinch, you can’t beat it.

The PX or Post Exchange, is like your Kmart. While you can get your department store cosmetics, Coach purses, and perfumes here, I find that most things aren’t any cheaper than Walmart. Some things, I think they charge MORE for because they can…like electronics. The clothes are all generic, and I rarely see anything that I have to have. The pro to shopping at the PX is that it’s tax free. If you are looking for souvenirs for friends or family who come visit, take them to Clothing and Sales instead. Here you will find PT shirts that say “Army”, as well as other apparel, hats, shot glasses, lanyards and car stickers.



I was nominated on Babble's Top 50 Mom Blogs List. So pretty please take two minutes and click here: http://www.babble.com/babble-50/mommy-bloggers/nominate-a-blogger/index.aspx then scroll down to "Glamorous Life" and click on the "like" button.
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Deployment-Part 3- Welcome Home!

When you get to the end of the deployment, many things start to happen. You may have forgotten what it feels like to be kissed or hugged. You may get very nervous about reuniting with your spouse. You may even feel like a different person. YOU ARE. You may have just spent a year of your life as a single mother. You should be proud of yourself for the accomplishment you have just made. It’s not easy when your kids cry that they miss their daddy, or when they are so used to him being gone that they don’t even ask about him. Either way, it breaks your heart.

You should find out from your FRG group or husband when to expect him home, and what activities the unit is planning. His flight home will change 8 times before it’s right, and you need to keep getting updates up to the minute, because it can be adjusted right up to the end. You definitely don’t want him getting in early, only to not have you there. Don’t post this info on your Facebook page…you are advertising to potential terrorists a target.

You will have to decide whether or not to take the kids or other family members. I have chosen to take my kids once, and go alone once. Neither time, did I allow any other family members to be present. You need time to adjust to your entire family again, and so does he. Expect to have a great night’s sleep..because you haven’t in the past year.

Your spouse will be briefed on all kinds of things when he gets home, and just prior to leaving. They discuss how stressful it is after the “honeymoon” phase is over and how to smoothly re-integrate in to the family. Keep in mind that while you may have changed something while he was gone, you have to let him know what to expect. It would be scary to come home after a year and find nothing the same. While your soldier is proud of you for being a strong army wife, he also needs to know that you still need him. Find ways to incorporate him back in to the fold, such as cooking together. Andy is not, by ANY means, a cook, nor has he ever been. But since he’s been back in July, I ask for his help preparing meals. It’s something we can do together, he can feel like he’s helping, and it’s more quality time that staring at the tv all night.

The bottom line is…give it time! Things may be perfect, or they may need some fine tuning. Andy’s first deployment made me realize how much I love him and how much I WANT to be married to him. We both learned to appreciate what we have together, and we have a chance to miss each other. Sometimes instead of hating what the army takes away from us, we have to respect what it gives us in turn. It’s all what you make of it.








I was nominated on Babble's Top 50 Mom Blogs List. So pretty please take two minutes and click here: http://www.babble.com/babble-50/mommy-bloggers/nominate-a-blogger/index.aspx then scroll down to "Glamorous Life" and click on the "like" button.
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Deployment-Part 2- Adjusting to life on your own

As I said in Part 1, I moved home to live with my parents during our first deployment. If you have thoughts about moving in with your family or even a friend, be forewarned…any drama they have in their lives WILL spill over in to yours. Do you need even more stress? Do you get along with this person even when you are in bad moods? These are valid questions to ask yourself. Don’t let people talk you in to doing something you are unsure of. A year is a long time to be stuck somewhere. The second deployment, I stayed put, although this is when my dad moved in with me, which, as you will read, was a darn good thing. I had help when I needed it, but he stayed out of the way when I didn’t. Plus, it was my house and my terms, which helped the control-freak that I am.

Communication: Make sure you and your spouse are prepared for the fact that you might be able to talk daily, or not for weeks at a time. It can make you a little crazy when you don’t know if he is okay, but you need to stay calm and remember that no news is good news. I guarantee you that he is more upset at not being able to reach you. He’s in the desert..not out bar-hopping. Chances are, he will have the opportunity to get in far less trouble than you would….not that you would. But you have to remember he will hear all kinds of stories about what is happening back home, as will you, and this may cause some tension. Cell phones are a bad idea and very dangerous. Use this as a time to get to know each other again. You are going to be doing a lot of talking, so you might discover some things you didn’t know. We paid about $60 a month for Andy to have internet in his “room” and we talked on Yahoo IM webcam every night about 10pm. Another source is Skype. This was a nice option because then we could see each other. As it can make you crazy to NOT talk to each other, it can have the same effect if you talk TOO much. You run out of things to say about your day when you have already told him the day before. And it makes time go entirely too slow. Every three days is a good rule of thumb, if he is available. Don’t ever discuss locations, etc…over the internet or the phone. Always assume that someone is listening in, and that someone might be a threat.

Speaking of threats…don’t advertise the fact you are home alone by putting a Service Star Flag on your house. A yellow ribbon is general enough to blend in, yet not announcing to be robbed or attacked. Likewise, don’t put the “Half my heart is in Iraq” bumper-stickers on your car for the same reason. We can support our soldiers in all the other things we do, but the most important thing you can do for your husband is be safe.

Have a talk with your husband about how to handle any bad news with the family or other friends while he is deployed. Does he want to know while he is gone, or wait until he comes home? We were tested with this several time. During the first deployment, I was in 4 car accidents and Taylor was hospitalized. During the second deployment, our dog killed our cat and I had to have the dog put to sleep. This was a horrific day, and had my dad not been there to shield me from seeing it, then the kids and I would have walked in to that scene after work/school. We also got news that Andy’s stepfather was terminally ill and might not make it until he redeployed home. Make sure you have the information for the Red Cross, because chances are that you might very well have to get a message to him.

The last thing, is that you want to stay as busy as possible during the deployment. Use this time to explore your interests. Is there somewhere you want to travel that he doesn’t? Go visit a girlfriend or family member. Take a class or lesson. You can also look forward to your mid-way point, which is R&R for two weeks. This will be a fun break. Ask your spouse what they want to do…don’t just plan a big party or trip. They may just want to sit on the sofa with you, and not do anything. You need to keep in mind, they may be a little jumpy. It’s not a good idea to drink too much during this break either. Have an enjoyable time with him, and when he leaves to go back, know that you are almost done!




I was nominated on Babble's Top 50 Mom Blogs List. So pretty please take two minutes and click here: http://www.babble.com/babble-50/mommy-bloggers/nominate-a-blogger/index.aspx then scroll down to "Glamorous Life" and click on the "like" button.
Thanks a bunch!

Black Friday Madness: Yup, that’s exactly what it is!

The day after Thanksgiving brings the hoards of shoppers racing to find the deal of the century. I am not one to turn up my nose at some bargain shopping, but I hardly agree with the premise of Black Friday. Let me tell you my reasons:

1. Who the hell wants to get out of bed before 8am to get a family-sized trampoline or a Tickle Me Elmo? We get so few days off during the year, I am invoking my right to sleep in after I have crammed my gut full of carbs the day before.

2. The traffic is ridiculous. Unfortunately, if you don’t feel like cooking after you’ve slaved the day prior, you’re kind of screwed since they put all the good restaurants around the shopping centers. It’s even worse when you live near a town like Watertown, NY…where there is literally one road that everything is on.

3. Bitches ARE Crazy! Yes, I said it! People will get in your face and fight you if you grab the same pair of shoes. There were people trampled to death for the opening of a Walmart sale on Black Friday! I don’t know about you, but I am NOT going out like that! What would it say on your Tombstone? “I just had to buy that Paula Dean Cookware at a discount.” (It is good stuff, though.)

And #4…

I don’t like that it’s called Black Friday because I always get it confused with the day Jesus died, and then I feel guilty. That day is called Good Friday. Seems to me like somebody confused the two, because I would think a holiday devoted to shopping would be called Good Friday, and the Lamb of God being ruthlessly murdered would be Black Friday. I’m just saying…






I was nominated on Babble's Top 50 Mom Blogs List. So pretty please take two minutes and click here: http://www.babble.com/babble-50/mommy-bloggers/nominate-a-blogger/index.aspx then scroll down to "Glamorous Life" and click on the "like" button.
Thanks a bunch!

Deployment Series-Part 1- Letting him leave

People always want to know what life is like when your husband has to go away for an entire year. It sucks, I won’t lie. We had been married for 6 years at the time of the first deployment, but we were still young and changing. The second time, I was 30 years old and married for 11 years.

I moved home to my parents with the boys before he left. I had a good job offer there, and I didn’t have any friends in Savannah other than a former coworker. Figuring that I would get to spend time with my sisters and friends that still lived there, I shoved all the concerns I had about this to the side. I love my parents…but when you live far away for 6 years and are accustomed to your own household, it’s not always easy to blend families again. I would say it highly depends on your personality. If you are more independent and you have some friends, stay on your own. If you don’t want to be stuck at your duty station by yourself, then move to where your family or friends are, but get your own apartment. You will have to pay for this move out of pocket, though, as the army won’t foot the bill without PCS(Primary Change of Station) orders.

One of the worst parts of deployments is waiting for the time to come. The last month before the deployment, you and your spouse will be on edge. It might be his first time downrange, and he might have a lot of fears that he won’t verbalize because he doesn’t want to admit it, and because he doesn’t want to scare you. I think Andy was just as worried about me being here to cope with everything as I was about him being in harms’ way. The first time Andy left, I was a little angry because it seemed like he was a bit excited to go. I didn’t understand at the time that this was what he had been training for all these years, and it IS exciting the first time. The second time was a different story, completely. He knew how much it was going to suck. You both might experience a pull-back in your emotions as the day gets closer. It’s easy to let the tension build up and have arguments, so just be aware of what is happening inside you and discuss it so that he knows you still love him.

When Andy left the first time, both sides of our families went to see him off. I didn’t know how to say no to his parents wanting to see him off, and I wasn’t sure if I would want to be alone. The truth is, you don’t want to be alone OR with anyone, other than your husband. The downside to family coming along is that when the time comes to say “See you later” (never goodbye) to your husband, you have even less time for one last hug/kiss because there is a crowd that wants to give their hugs to him. The second time he deployed, I had the kids give their hugs and kisses at home, and I drove him in. I stayed as long as I could bear, but I made plans to leave and go home to PA for the weekend. What I wanted to do, was go to bed and cry…but learning from the first time, I kept myself occupied. I made plans in advance with my friends from home and they took me out and kept me distracted. It was a much better experience. You can (and will) have your cry when you go to bed that night, but let your pals take your mind off things. It will feel odd, but it’s okay to smile, laugh and forget how much things are going to suck for a minute. But Day 0 is over and the deployment has begun.

Shameless Begging About to Commence: I was nominated on Babble's Top 50 Mom Blogs List. So can you please take two minutes and click here: http://www.babble.com/babble-50/mommy-bloggers/nominate-a-blogger/index.aspx then scroll down to "Glamorous Life" and click on the "like" button.
Thanks a bunch!

Let me tell you why I hate Halloween...

The Offenders

It's not so much the candy part. Any holiday that involves eating, I am generally in favor of. But with Halloween, it comes with stipulations. And I am usually skeptical of anything that requires action on my part.

When you have children, they want to trick or treat. I enjoyed this as a child, carrying my sacks of candy home, munching happily along the way. Until I DID get home, and my parents confiscated it to search for razor blades in apples and suspicious tampering of wrappers. I don't think I ever met anyone that found an actual razor blade in a piece of fruit, but this was the guise my parents operated under. The next day, the candy had vanished in to a lazy susan, which was transported by armored car to my fathers work....never to be seen or heard from again.

When I had kids, the costumes became more expensive and the quality of loot went waaaayyy down. It becomes an annual fight to even choose a costume. After we spend an entire weekend looking at Walmart, Target, the PX and finally landing at the over-priced seasonal costume store...looking at EVERY single costume...Just when I am about to keel over from exhaustion...my sons choose the same costume:

Last year, the little hooligans got me by telling me that their friend's mom wanted me to go with her to take the boys trick or treating. So I showed up at the house, where she told me it was wonderful that I said I would take HER THREE children trick or treating so she could stay at home and hand out candy!!! So I was stuck alone, taking 5 children around the neighborhood while she stayed in her toasty house. I bet she ate all the candy herself after we left. Kicked back with a glass of wine, and enjoyed the quiet.

Thats what I would've done.

So this year, we have bribed the kids to go have dinner and ice cream at Friendly's, or as I call it "BFF Friendly's." No trick or treating. Don't come to my house! "Keep on knockin', but you can't come in!"