Thursday, March 7, 2013

Total Transformation of your child is BS

I keep hearing these dumb commercials about ordering "The Total Transformation" for your unruly teen.


When I was in 6th grade, and decided I was done doing homework, my parents bought a program with videos called, "Where there's a Will, there's a Way".

The problem was, there was no will. What 6th grader really gives a crap??? So I looked at it, thought, "This is gay" and told my parents good luck, I hope they would learn something.

I have a nagging feeling that were I to present this "Total Transformation" to my children, they would pretty much give me the same reaction. And I would almost be disappointed if they didn't.

Teenagers are a pain in the ass. They are built that way...a steaming ball of hormones and hostility. It's just the way it is. If you have kids and think that you will have any more control over them than your parents had over you, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it ain't gonna happen.

Maybe it's because I am not far away from my kids in age, and I have fresh memories of being a teenager, because somewhere in my head, I think I still am.

But you put your head down, and you get through it.

Andy and I actually find it very funny when they act like total jerks, especially when they start crying because they are mad we said no. If you're going to cry about it, then you are absolutely not mature enough to do what it is you want. And we told our youngest that next time he throws a two-year old tantrum, we are going to video it and slap it on YouTube, and then tag him on Facebook, so that all of his friends can see what a baby he is.

Alternative parenting 101, Step 1: Peer Embarrassment Works

I don't play games. You do wrong, you do chores. I believe in using their bad behavior to create less housework for myself or Andy. If I have to listen to whining, then at least I will have freshly mopped floors.

It's how the universe rights itself.