Sunday, April 15, 2012

Week One...

Well, my first full week living in CA is over. And eventful and busy it was.

I started and ended Season 1-4 of Mad Men, which has been a goal of mine for a while. I know, I shoot high, huh? Now I am dying for my cable installation tomorrow, so that I can find out what happens next.

I started my new job, and I love it. I love it so much, that I am left wondering what is bad about it.

There is always a con about everything. But I am trying to change the way I think about things, because I never used to worry about what was going to go wrong and let it ruin things when they are good. It happened somewhere around 2007. Things were not so great from then to now. A 6 year run of horrible luck. Seems like everytime it looked like things were going to be good, they weren't.

But now I have had several wonderful things actually happen. I got a great job, a beautiful house, and I moved to CA. It's still so strange to think I am actually here, living on the other side of the country. Seems like I am on vacation, yet at home in my house. I also got to see my best friend since childhood give birth to her second baby this weekend, and it was really touching to be a part of.

Looks like my timing might actually be right for once.

Yet I miss my family. My sons, my husband. My dogs and insane cat. It's bittersweet, being apart from them for two weeks already. And a little sad knowing it will be many more before they move out here this summer. But I try to tuck that thought away too, because I can't change it. And I don't want to sit here and wish away 3 months for what isn't, and miss those 3 months and all the opportunities and experiences that come in it.

I guess the biggest thing I have mastered this year is that you can learn to stop dwelling on things if you really try. But sometimes even when you think you want to stop, you really aren't ready to. That's the only way I can describe it. God knows I wanted to move forward with my life all this time, but I wasn't ready to let go of the past, and my image of what I thought things should be. I hadn't accepted that certain things would never be the same, because I didn't want to. And I have always waited for things to happen, instead of backing up my dreams with action. And you know what spawned my action finally??

My idiot brother in law.

He said some dumbass things that really pushed me to my limit, and made me realize that if I keep doing the same thing over and over, nothing will really change in my life. So my anger propelled me to act. And I am glad it did. For the asshole he is, I guess in some badwards way it gave me what I needed to get on with it all already.

If you ever happen to have the opportunity to watch a baby be born, do it. At least once. It's not that bad, if you can take uncomfortably staring at a vagina for an hour. Most of the gore you don't really see...just a lot of lube that makes it all glisten in the giant spotlight. But it is really facinating, and very emotional. I've ridden out two full labors in the hospital this year. And I think I am almost ready to resign as Labor Sherpa. I've got one more BFF who has to have kids, and my sisters will have more, but if they don't get it in by the time I am 35, I can't promise pulling generous all nighters to let them sleep and their husbands, and watch contractions and heart rates through the night. I was so tired, I came home, violently threw up from being so exhausted and had to crap about 8 full craps in the past two days.

As my BFF in NJ said, "You were literally full of shit."

I swear, I lost ten pounds.

And thus begins week 2 in CA. What will it bring? I haven't got a clue, but I am happy.

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