Thursday, December 20, 2012

Goodbye, cruel world...maybe? it is.

The eve of possible destruction. A day many people have feared and wondered about for a decade.

I realized I am on a potential front-row seat to watch the impending doom, seeing as how I am within death zones for not one, but TWO supervolcanoes. Yellowstone and Long Valley, which is like two hours from me. Yikes. I didn't know THAT when I signed the lease!

I also live in a moderate flood zone, and in amidst multiple active fault lines.

If it's gonna happen, I'm probably screwed. And then my last thought would be irritation that I spend money prepping instead of going to Vegas.

Based on my day, it would be par for the course.

I'm fine meeting my maker. I've done more good than bad in my life.

But I don't think the end will come tonight, rather than a date to signify when the end began.

Every civilization has fallen. And I am a believer that history repeats itself.

Climate change is going to change the shape of our country in the next 50 years. There is already wars that seem unending, droughts, famine, illness.

I am sure there will be people on the planet who believe their world did end tonight. People who lose a loved one in a random act of violence or accident. People in the area of a natural catastrophe.

I've witnessed things happening that I have said never would. Things I would've staked my life on.

Things are not good in this world. Otherwise strong marriages being slowly shredded apart. Loved ones being abused by spouses. Everyone struggling with some kind of issue.

As Motown would ask..."What's goin' on?"

Friday, December 14, 2012

Why are people so sick?

I was feeling pretty good yesterday.

I was thinking about where I am in my life now, when a year ago, I couldn't get out of bed. It's pretty unbelievable what you can recover from, when a life-changing "bomb" is dropped in your lap out of nowhere that changes everything from the way you think, to the path your life takes afterwards.

For as long as I can remember, I felt unfulfilled. I didn't have a chance to focus on my own goals, since so many things came first. Kids, husband, and of course the army. I have held on to so much my husband for always not being there, even though it was his job, at the military for its lack of support for soldiers and their families, and at myself, for largely letting life pass me by in order to wait for "something", not knowing what it was. But I thought that life should be better than it was. That there was more, and I was missing it.

When something shakes the core of your marriage, it shakes the core of who you are. It makes you question everything that came before. It makes you question your sanity. And then you have to decide what to do next. Do you leave, do you stay? Can you afford to make that choice based solely on what you want, or are there barriers, like children and how it affects them, money...can you do it on your own. Then you question moral or religious issues, and finally, test the strength of the vows you spoke. What is the value of a promise?

I've always thought I was a strong person. And then something tore me in to pieces. I was held hostage by emotions that I couldn't reconcile mentally and fear. Lots of fear. I never understood how people could just be so depressed that they literally can't move. Can't make a choice. Can't deal with their reality. But when that happens, you are frozen in grief and confusion. And now, I barely remember that year.

And then, one day...I got up. And I decided I was going to make choices and take back the control I wasn't ready to reassume.

I accomplished many goals this year. I did them. I got us to where we are now. And yesterday, it meant so much self-pride.

Then something in the world happens, and you realize how your daily thoughts and worries mean NOTHING. How your struggles and despair in life MEAN NOTHING. Because it's always insignificant when compared to someone else's life.

There is little worse that I can think of, than losing a child.

I know I joke about my kids, and tell stories of frustration and irritation at them...

But it's very tongue-in-cheek.

If one of them was hurt or died, I think I would die inside. I would sink in to myself and let go.

No matter how mad I've ever been, I've never felt the urge to hurt my children. I really don't even much believe in spanking, mostly because it's often done in anger, and that should never be the case. I spanked if it was a matter of their safety, to enforce that it was dangerous. If I get really angry, I lock myself away, so that I can deal with it when I am level-headed again.

I don't understand why people kill children. No rational person can, because it's unthinkable to a rational person. But these "terrorists" are not rational. They are mentally ill. They aren't wired right. You can't justify it, nor can you explain it.

I feel that way when there is any devastation in the world. And I look around at what I have, and wonder how God will judge me when its my time to go. Did I squander precious time, feeling sorry for myself, when I have never had to go to bed hungry? Never had to truly worry about being homeless?

It seems like the more I get, the more it becomes apparent to me that I have to share it. I think about the wealthy people who control our country, and wonder how they can go buy a car that costs $200k, when people can't eat, can't feed their children, live in shelters, can't find a job?

They say money changes people. Why doesn't it change them for the better? To use that power to help someone else?

I feel ill. I hear about school shootings, public shootings, mass murders, genocide. I hear about a government that opens fire on their own civilians waiting in a breadline. I hear about people using children as soldiers. It makes me sick.

Not everyone should be allowed to have a gun. The 2nd Amendment was created in case we had to protect ourselves from an oppressive government. But if that happened, we wouldn't win. Not in a age of nuclear weaponry, drones and other resources they have. And hiding under the veil of that stupid law, covers everyone who has murdered someone. "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." What an idiotic statement. Anti-gun legislation is not about taking away your rights (to kill), but protecting others who have lost their right to live.

Most people say they have them for protection, but if attacked, wouldn't have time to use a gun to protect themselves.

Canadians can have guns for hunting. And their annual murder rate is about 60 people, compared to our 10,000.

How do you reconcile that?

My heart goes out to those parents and children today in the CT shooting. I bet they don't have very supportive thoughts on our lax gun policies right now. And if it were your child, I bet you wouldn't either.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Washington needs to jump off the Fiscal Cliff

I am so sick of hearing about the Fiscal Cliff talks.

We all know about it, and what's at stake.

Blah, blah, blah.

My favorite is how the politicians keep saying how they are prepared to stay up until Christmas Eve. Do they want a cookie for their jobs??? I don't know about y'all, but I have work deadlines all the time that need to be met. I wonder if they forget this is a job they were hired for?

I like listening to NPR, but it gets repetitive in a slow news week.

I am done with all my Christmas shopping. I knock it out online and that way the kids can't peek in any shopping bags they might find. Last year, I told them they had X amount of money each, and they waited until after Christmas to go shopping, so that they had collected their loot from other family members and could buy what they wanted. It saved me twice as much as what I paid this year, but I wanted to hold on a little longer to their youth by buying them gifts and seeing their surprise. It's the last remnant of holiday spirit I get anymore.

Things are so expensive when they reach a certain age. It was much easier when they were still playing with toys. But now, the "toys" cost high dollar prices, since it's mostly electronic. This year, I tried to buy stuff that makes them get outside.

I went to my work Christmas party over the weekend. I really didn't want to, mostly because it was in SF and we had to get a hotel room, because I refuse to drive in to the city, so we take the subway. It was fun, though it left me pretty much exhausted the rest of the weekend. The downside of working so far from my house (about 80 miles), which, an hour and a half is not bad, but with traffic, if I don't get up at 4:30am to leave at 5am, then it takes me up to 3 hours to get there. So on the days I work at home, I get extra sleep, but it throws my whole sleep schedule off. Trying to go to bed at 7pm isn't easy, since I am a night person.

But, when I get to the office, I am there alone for an hour, so it gives me time to get things done.

Other than that, things have been pretty uneventful. Andy had to refile his VA compensation claim, because after 6 months, they still haven't reopened it. And his unemployment ends this month, so it looks like we won't be seeing any money from them for up to another year. The only benefits is a huge lump sum backpay, but we are going to need it to buy our house that we are leasing. In six months, it's already gone up $20k on Zillow, because they are building a lot of new homes in my town.

I guess that's a good thing. I just don't want to pay half a million dollars for my house.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Misery loves children

I had the perfect excuse to not attend my company Christmas party this year. It's not that I hate parties. It's that I would rather not get bedazzled, wear painful heels and tights and stay at home to watch tv.

It's my Saturday, after all.

My dad gets in to town this weekend. He's moving in with us to help out since I am dealing with the commute from hell. So I figured, not having childcare would be an excellent excuse.

However, the company is including free childcare for the duration of the event in an adjacent hotel. Which probably means a hotel room full of miserable little kids, wanting their mom or dad...and to go to bed, since the party is 7-midnight.

All in all, an event my kids would loathe, since they're too old for a babysitter, but too young to stay alone overnight. Most likely, it would consist of hate texts from my kids buzzing my phone every ten minutes, making threats like, "I am going to just walk out the door if you don't come get me NOW!!!"

My boss tried to get me on board by saying his kids aren't too far off in age, but I explained that my kids only agree to pretend to be good kids when they're bribed, and even that can be unreliable, especially at night.

(I don't pretend that my children are truly as good as the image they portray in public. And when they are, it can definitely be traced to some sort of incentive plan.)

Finally, I gave up and booked the $200 hotel room since its in the city.

A friend of mine is considering starting her family this year, but finds myself and her sister detractors from having children. I have mixed feelings on the subject myself, but I've made my bed and now have to lie in it. I feel like there is about 5 years when kids are enjoyable. Once they're old enough to get themselves a bowl of cereal and quietly watch tv on weekends, until they are bubbling voids of evil teenage hormones.

They're really only nice about 15% of the time after that, and mostly when they have an ulterior motive.

But the question of whether or not to have them comes down to the question of whether or not you want to be alone when you get old. My husband will surely die before me, so I would like to have visitors in the nursing home.

I don't think that having kids is bad. It's just another relationship to maintain, while the other person hates you for about 4-6 years until they grow. If you can deal with that, go forth and procreate!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Finger Foods make it all better.

I've been a really lazy mother the past 6 months.

I haven't cooked one meal until this week. Then I got a craving for ham and homemade scalloped potatoes, and another one for my favorite snack/meal which consists of grilling a london broil, slicing it in to thin slices, spreading Boursin Garlic and Herb Spread on baguette slices and putting the meat on top of it.

It's really effing good.

So good, it is making my NYE feast menu. I am going to a friends to play board games and eat. I will also probably take my mother's sherbert punch, which is non-alcoholic, but tastes so good, you don't even care. It's equal parts 7up and Hawaiian Punch, with a container of sherbert scooped in to it. DELISH.

One of my famously loved hors d'oeuvres, are my bacon-wrapped chunks of pineapple. They are coated in a brown sugar glaze and gone in 10 minutes.

I also plan to bring crocks of my homemade macaroni and cheese. I normally make it in a big giant pan, but in the spirit of having some style, I am going to do it in onion soup crocks, which happen to be the perfect serving size.

So, there...sister, who shan't be named, who posted on FB that I can't cook.
I dare you to come up with an equally appetizing menu for NYE.


Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Is there still a racial divide in this country? Um, yeah.

I used to be like you. Naive and living in a state where racism wasn't obvious.

Then I lived in GA for 8 years.

What a rude awakening.

First, let me say I LOATHE the term "reverse racism". Reverse racism would be not racist. Racism is one race against another, not just owned by minorities. I also hate when people pronounce Mischievous "Mis-chee-vee-ous", when there is clearly no "I" after the "v", making the correct usage "Mis-che-vous".

But that's a whole other topic.

While working in staffing agencies, it was normal for a client to specifically tell me they didn't want black people. It got to the point I had to submit resumes with no names, when the name was clearly ethnic, or they would not agree to interview the person. This is why I tell people that depending on where they live, be careful what you name your child, because people may not even look at you as a candidate if they have a bias.

I also had many companies ask specifically for mexicans, and they actually would pay MORE for someone of that nationality, because they were hard workers.

I don't understand why people think that undocumented workers don't pay taxes. Most of them do, as they carry fake social security cards, and still have to complete the requisite tax forms. So they pay in to our system, yet cannot draw the benefits later.

No matter what racist or sexist job orders I had been given, I always advised my clients that I would submit the best qualified person for the job, period, and that I could not accept job specifications based on race, religion, sex or creed.

Probably the most irritating, and shocking experience I have had in dealing with racism, was a coworker of mine who was a white girl from Mississippi. She was married, to her family's dismay, to a Puerto Rican, and had two mixed race daughters with him. But she was fast to tell you she only married him because she mistakenly got knocked up, or she wouldn't have married a Puerto Rican. She also told me during the first Obama campaign, that she wasn't ready to vote for a black guy for President. The hipocrisy stung me. How can you be the mother of two mixed race children, yet not be "ready" for a mixed race President?

The political parties have completely changed. It used to be that most southerners were democrats...back when they owned slaves. It's funny now, that all the southern states are now red. Just a coincidence?

People love to say that they aren't racist. My experience is, if you feel you have to verbalize it, you're a racist.

Thank Goodness I have raised two race-blind children. It's much easier to live your live when you choose your friends and, eventually political figures, when race isn't a factor.

And as someone pale as a ghost, I can't wait to introduce some mixed culture into my own family, as my red-headed youngest seems to have an affinity for girls who are latin in ethnicity.

Friday, November 23, 2012

My internal compass is spinning...Why won't things stand still?

Some days, its easy to point out happy things and bad things.

Lately, I feel like I am largely soaking up other people's energies, and well...


I feel like, as a person and on the exterior, I am together. I feel like at work, I am focused and driven. But work is the only place that this "got it together" Keri exists.

When left to my own devices, I feel overextended and drained. So drained that I can barely do anything because my body is tired and my mind is drained.

Emotionally, I feel little in regards to my own life. I don't know if it's because I was wildly out of control for a year, or because I've checked out for self-preservation. The circle is coming to it's completion in regard to my marriage. I've made a commitment and am honoring my vows. As long as my husband continues his self-care, I will stay with him.

But I have too many things happening in the lives of those I love, and, like an electric current, it fills me with sadness and stress.

I love my job and my coworkers. Somedays I feel like a corporate badass. But then a day later, I find myself wondering if I am in over my head. I often do this with jobs, because I second guess myself and have high expectations, both of my employer and myself. I expect my performance to be impeccable. Which is funny, because in the rest of my life, I expect utter chaos.

Life is full of uppers and downers. Coffee, coffee and more coffee to wake up and fuel myself during the days, and at night, darkness, anxiety meds, muscle relaxers and sleepy pills to shut down this machine. I have to actually take a pill that makes me so tired, I can't even continue to think in order to sleep, because I am a chronic insomniac and my mind will continue to run scenarios of how something may go, or how it should've went, making it impossible for me to rest. It's like a computer cracking a code. On and on, it sucks energy from me. I would say that in the scheme of a week, I spend a third sleeping, a third analyzing and producing, and a third stressing.

It's not New Years yet, but letting stress envelope me has to stop, and will be a major focus on my 2013 goals, along with feeling more confident and not being afraid to ask for a second opinion at work. I don't want to lower the bar I have set for myself. I just want to have enough time to let my ideas bear the fruit I know exists.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Emergency Preparedness: What you need

People keep asking me to tell them what they should have in case of disaster.

Let me be clear...I am not one of those crazy preppers...we don't run drills, etc.

But first, you need to identify potential catastrophes in your area. For example, we live in the SF Bay Area. There is threat of nuclear meltdown, Yellowstone Mega Volcano eruption, Earthquakes and rain monsoons, local to this area. In addition, since we live near Silicon Valley, we are at risk for atomic bombs by terrorists. And all of us are at risk for Solar Flare Coronal Mass Ejections.

You can check daily solar "weather" at:

Basically, our Earth's magnetic field protects us from much of the suns radiation. However, it is entering it's most active phase, which happens every 10,000 years. It's happened in the past, that the sun throws out these Mass Ejections that aren't blocked by our magnetic field, and when that happens, if it heads toward us, it knocks out power grids. It's like an EMP, and can knock out anything with a battery. With our declining power grid, and our reliance on technology, this is what I believe is our biggest threat overall for a major shutdown in the US. Electric transformers are on a 3 year waiting list worldwide, so if large ones go down, especially widespread, this would alter the way we live. Most of us would be out of work.

Imagine a country without electricity. How would you get money? Gas? Food? Water?
No computers, phones, nothing.

This is potentially a real situation. People would riot.

Your best bet is to keep enough food and water stored for at least a year. Large bags of rice, tuna, beans are easiest to keep, and least expensive. You can get 5 gallon water storage containers at Walmart for $10. You will need food for pets. You will need some method of cooking, like a firepit or propane powered stoves and the propane to go with it. Vitamins are a good idea.

A stash of medications and a good first aid kit are a must.

You need some method to protect what you have, because others will want it. Guns, knives, slingshots, stun guns, pepper spray.

You will need things to barter with. Small bills in cash, gold, silver. Things of value. Even food could be something to barter with.

Then you have to think long-term. Hunting and fishing gear, and seeds to plant a garden. Hand tools to use.

Your best bet if something happens is to group together. Form a neighborhood watch immediately after a catastrophe to lessen the chance of gangs of people invading your territory.

No one likes to think about this stuff, but look at New York and NJ. Look at the state of the world.

Bottom have a better chance at being a survivor if you are prepared.

The clock is ticking...

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Enact the "Roosevelt" Bill of Rights

FDR died before he could enact this second "Bill of Rights" but when WWII ended, all of Europe and Japan got them. So why haven't we?

On January 11, 1944, in the midst of World War II, President Roosevelt spoke forcefully and eloquently about the greater meaning and higher purpose of American security in a post-war America. The principles and ideas conveyed by FDR's words matter as much now as they did over sixty years ago, and the Franklin D. Roosevelt American Heritage Center is proud to reprint a selection of FDR's vision for the security and economic liberty of the American people in war and peace.

“The Economic Bill of Rights”

Excerpt from President Roosevelt's January 11, 1944 message to the Congress of the United States on the State of the Union

It is our duty now to begin to lay the plans and determine the strategy for the winning of a lasting peace and the establishment of an American standard of living higher than ever before known. We cannot be content, no matter how high that general standard of living may be, if some fraction of our people—whether it be one-third or one-fifth or one-tenth—is ill-fed, ill-clothed, ill-housed, and insecure.

This Republic had its beginning, and grew to its present strength, under the protection of certain inalienable political rights—among them the right of free speech, free press, free worship, trial by jury, freedom from unreasonable searches and seizures. They were our rights to life and liberty.

As our nation has grown in size and stature, however—as our industrial economy expanded—these political rights proved inadequate to assure us equality in the pursuit of happiness.

We have come to a clear realization of the fact that true individual freedom cannot exist without economic security and independence. “Necessitous men are not free men.” People who are hungry and out of a job are the stuff of which dictatorships are made.

In our day these economic truths have become accepted as self-evident. We have accepted, so to speak, a second Bill of Rights under which a new basis of security and prosperity can be established for all—regardless of station, race, or creed.

Among these are:

The right to a useful and remunerative job in the industries or shops or farms or mines of the nation;

The right to earn enough to provide adequate food and clothing and recreation;

The right of every farmer to raise and sell his products at a return which will give him and his family a decent living;

The right of every businessman, large and small, to trade in an atmosphere of freedom from unfair competition and domination by monopolies at home or abroad;

The right of every family to a decent home;

The right to adequate medical care and the opportunity to achieve and enjoy good health;

The right to adequate protection from the economic fears of old age, sickness, accident, and unemployment;

The right to a good education.

All of these rights spell security. And after this war is won we must be prepared to move forward, in the implementation of these rights, to new goals of human happiness and well-being.

America’s own rightful place in the world depends in large part upon how fully these and similar rights have been carried into practice for our citizens.

Source: The Public Papers & Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt (Samuel Rosenman, ed.), Vol XIII (NY: Harper, 1950), 40-42

12 How. 152: “Necessitous men,” says the Lord Chancellor, in Vernon v Bethell, 2 Eden 113 (1762), “are not, truly speaking, free men; but, to answer a present emergency, will submit to any terms that the crafty may impose on them.”

Friday, November 16, 2012

Women Who Defend Dumb Men

O to the M, to the mother fucking G!

First, read this bullshit:

Yes, I am blogging twice in one day.

This bitch is crazy. Like, so crazy, I want someone to hold my "err-ings" so that I can beat her down, ATL/Oakland style.

Firstly, some women have time to put lots of energy in to their looks. Maybe they don't work. Maybe they have no children. Maybe they have good genes. Maybe they have lots of money.

But there is NO EXCUSE for a man to cheat, and for it to be justified because his wife "let herself go". As far as I can see, the woman he cheated on was LESS attractive than his wife, as is the case with most men.

If my husband thinks he could land Jennifer Anniston, then child, let him try, and I would congratulate him on his new life with her. But the fact is, men go bald, go deaf and get fat too, and I don't hear men telling each other they need to glam it up to keep their wives.

This woman was a military wife for almost 40 years. That is like 100 years in real life. Being a military wife is more stressful than being a non-military wife. She spent that time largely raising their children alone, while having to serve the military as a Commanders wife, a Colonel's wife, and finally a General's wife. You idiots who have nothing to do with the military would have no idea that at a Captains level, there are many things expected of you as the wife.

Being in a marriage is being in a commitment. It's being a companion and a friend. It's being a partner is all life's good and bad. It's NOT about superficiality and appearance. Anyone who has had rampant diahrhea and given birth should know you can't always look perfect. And this poor woman is having to suffer the entire humiliating event in public and in the media.

SO EFF YOU, crazy ho who wrote this blog post. I hope your husband cheats on you with someone who is uglier than you, so you can take your own advice and let her have him.
Because it doesn't come down to how you look. It comes down to who you are.

HOV lanes are bullshit.

The concept of a HOV, or High Occupancy Vehicle lane is not foreign to me. I've driven through the DC beltway and Atlanta enough to know what they're for.

I just ignore it.

As someone who has a long commute, if there is any chance of me getting to or from work quicker, I am all over it. I am willing to risk a ticket.

Other things that are bullshit:

...why does it cost $100 for a family of four to go see a movie and get some snacks? We're not talking caviar and champagne here, just soda, popcorn and some damn nachos?

...without fail, everytime my car is washed, ten birds coat it in a fresh layer of crap.

...when its 100 degrees outside, the last thing I need people to small-talk about is how hot it is. Can't you see my pit sweat and the fact I am guzzling a bottle of water while in the checkout lane?

...when your child loses an argument with you, and then throws themselves on the floor, crying and begging. All this is going to do is earn a solid grounding, merely for interrupting my tv show, and solidify the fact they are not mature enough to do what they requested in the first place.

...when people pat men on the back for watching their kids, or sharing household responsibilities. I don't get kudos for washing my hair or unloading the dishwasher, because when you are a grown up, you do these things. No one deserves a medal for taking care of their crap.

...when people keep lying to other people on Facebook about how cute their babies are, when anyone with correctible vision can clearly see they are not. Stop feeding into their delusion and encouraging them to post more pictures that we dont give a rats ass about.

...people who give a play by play of what their children do everyday. Seriously, and I am tempted to name names here, WE DON'T CARE. And neither does your extended family. Pictures of family vacations and holidays are enough.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

The Chill of Winter

It's been two years since I started this blog. Such incredible changes. I went from almost 15 years of Army haze to living like normal people do.

It's not much better.

My oldest child is going to be 14 next month. I am 33, although my dad thought I was 36. Men should know instinctively to round down, rather than up, if unsure. I think mentally, I am about 42.

I see my friends and family with all their little ones, cute as they are, experiencing all the "firsts" that most people find exciting. I look at them in pity, and am glad my two will be in college in 6 years.

I love them. I am thankful for the joys they bring me, mostly in amusement...seeing how they take after me and my witty sense of humor. I think they will be just fine in life.

I am just sick of being responsible for someone other than myself. Unfortunately, my husband's state of mind has been such that I still have to guide him in the right direction sometimes. Having a husband is like having another child. Either you have to nag them to do things to help, or you have to flat out have to tell them how to logically handle things.

Still, there are days when I think back to how cute babies are, and how I let most of that pass me by, because I was so young when they were little. I didn't appreciate most of the times in my life that I should've appreciated them. When you're a teen, you want to be a grown up. When you are single, you want to be married. The grass is always greener on the other side.

I want to talk to the 17 year old me. I want to be inspired by her dreams...because they're harder to have when you've been affected by life. I want to capture her carefree, fun-loving spirit. It seems to have escaped me. Now I dream about being old enough to retire. How sad is that? Planning for retirement to be when my "real" life starts. When I have enough time and money, both available at the same time to not worry about day to day living? I want to tell that 17 year old me that the problems I had then were nothing. I want to tell her to run far, far away from cute guys in uniform.

But then I realize I am feeling sorry for myself because things are stressful. And that my stress is stupid. I know (for the most part) my reality now. I know ways to overcome my stress, by planning ahead.

I am thankful that in the wake of a personal devastation, I now have learned to give up the problems that I can do nothing to change. That was the hardest to learn. Trying to live every day, focusing on little but that day, or week. What can I do to change the things I am not satisfied with? It's up to me to do the dirty work.

I foresee the chill of winter.

Not the temperature, but the obstacles I am likely to deal with. And I am ready for them, only because I know that the sun will shine warm on my face again.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Jeez...I leave you guys alone for a few weeks, and you all leave me!

Sorry I haven't been posting, but my life has not been a box of chocolates.

Not that there is too much bad, just BUSY.

All that being said, I heart my job. NetSuite is an amazing company. Everyone is hilarious and we have a great team there. With all that's bad in the country, the San Francisco Bay area is largely flourishing. The housing market is great and there are jobs aplenty. Moving here was one of the best decisions I ever have made, and even though it wasn't easy and took an ounce of luck to come through, I'm living (partly) the dream. Or atleast as close as one can get to it.

But with all good fortune comes a little bit of negative. It's hard to feel good about yourself when people you love are struggling.

Enough about me...there's been a lot to comment on...

Firstly...YAY Obama won!!! Secondly, pot is legal in a state! Finally, someone was smart enough to start taxing the crap out of it so we can get out of this fiscal nightmare. Sadly, my horrid commute kept me from voting, but it was a great political night. I heart election cycles. And superstorms.
(I know, I have problems.)
I had a week of catastrophe on the East Coast to watch, and then election night. It's better than cable. I often wonder, living in Earthquake Hell, if I will get caught at work in a bad earthquake, or how I would get all the way home if a solar flare knocked out power. I would have to walk. A LOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG way. Andy asked if I wanted my emergency preparedness backpack in my car, and I said HELL NO. I just threw my UGGS in my trunk and a sling across the front purse. If I have to walk 60 miles, I am just doing it with as little drag as possible.

That being said, we upped our emergency preparedness kit to include a slingshot that shoots metal slugs, and a machete. (Both my ideas). I don't need a gun. I want to maim with a good ole fashioned slingshot. I was actually delighted to find it. Yes, DELIGHTED. Like a kid on Christmas, before the cruel reality about Santa was poured upon my soul.

My bet on 2012 phenomenon is solar flares knocking out the grid as a massive EMP. I was sad that I fell asleep Friday night in the middle of a Doomsday show. Did you know there has been a bunch of random earthquakes lately? I check out the USGS Earthquake Map from time to time. I like to keep an eye on Yellowstone, especially now that I live in the kill radius. It would be just my luck.

Today I was pissed when all NPR had to talk about on my commute, was David Petraeus's affair. And then I looked on Yahoo, and they had his wife's agonizing picture plastered there.

HOW DO YOU THINK SHE'S GONNA LOOK????? Her husband's affair was just announced as top news, and she probably had little to no idea it was going on. LEAVE HER ALONE!!!

Why do men fuck up and then the media want to see how the woman handles it? What are you hoping for? That she'll lose it and beat him down with a baseball bat in front of your camera's? Aside from Betty Broderick, most of us handle indignities that are thrust upon us in private. If I am gonna beat down my husband for being a giant ass, I am gonna do it in private, leaving no visable marks, and then laugh as I retell the fear in his eyes as he was being mauled.

Hmmm...why does it sound like I may have done that before???

Anyhow, I am sick of men being idiots. Just because you have a penis, doesn't give you license to keep acting like a teenager. You can't fuck up everyone's life because you were weak. Women don't have time to be weak, much like they don't have time to be sick or get a decent night's sleep. We grow a pair of balls (suspectedly, the ones our mates are lacking) and do what is expected of us. We let go of the dream of being the supermodel next to the rich guy and expensive car long ago. Probably when we met you...our husbands. So it's time men realize they will never BE the rich guy in the picture. You're stuck with us. And if you don't stop being asses, we will continue to not have sex with you, because who wants to fuck a whiner?

Now, I am an asshole, and there are days I have much compassion for my husbands ailments. Yeah, it sucks your brain is distorted, you have to take a pharmacy's worth of pills, and have hearing aids at 34. I understand depression very well, since I've been depressed for probably half my adult life. But grow the fuck up and pitch in! You have it pretty damn good from where I am standing. It's not the hearing aids keeping me from putting out. It's the fact you constantly look like you've been beat. And thats just sad, not sexy.

Marriage is a form of punishment. I highly do NOT recommend it for anyone that wants to be carefree and happy. Any chance of that goes away the minute you fall in love. And if you're married and not happy, DON'T HAVE KIDS. All they do is trap your ass in. People who don't have kids and hear me say this look at me like there is something wrong with me. And then they have kids and are like, "oh". I was young, and carefree and happy once. And I was thin and sexy. And then it all went to shit when I got married because I had to be the grownup.


Life is what you make it. If your life sucks, maybe try something different. Like caring. Like getting up out of bed and doing something. Like take the spray nozzle in the kitchen sink and drench your wife with it while she does dishes. It's completely unexpected, and will probably make her chase you down laughing, and when she does...that's when you try to get her naked. Be inventive. My life has sucked ass. I have a friend whose husband died, and is she giving up? No. She's living her life to the fullest because she understands that its too short.

Whatever your ailment...don't give up hope. Happiness comes in short dribbles, just long enough to make you realize what you do have. And how miserable you would be without it.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Just when you think it's all good, someone bitch-slaps you.

Son of a f#Ck!

Due to the PTSD/Brain Damaged poor choices of someone I know...
Now I don't get an unholy Christmas vacation next month. I am really effing pissed. It's been a year and a half, and I get slammed between Thanksgiving and Christmas.Vegas was laid to rest an hour ago when I canceled my reservations.

And I have to rush my poor dad out of his house and inconvenience my sisters and brother in law to help pack my dad up so he can move out here, because Andy may be going to treatment out of state for an undetermined amount of time. So I need help watching the kids, since Gavin is in Cross-Country and my commute is from hell, keeping me from getting home until usually 7:30pm. And then I found out I could've made like $30k more at this job. I shouldn't complain...$30k is nothing in comparison to what I wanted vs. what I got.

Do you realize, I haven't gone to a grocery store since Andy moved out here? I have to go this weekend. He packs the kids lunches and everything.

(Sidenote to my bitching)I love hearing people who work at my company describe our software products in terms like, "it has a sexy dashboard", or "this is a sexy company". LOL. SEXY. Not one of the sexy folks. Not today. I bought black skinny jeans, or, as we used to call them,"painted on" jeans. But they're from Lane Bryant, so they can't, in all seriousness be referred to as "skinny" anything. They're like leggings with pockets and actually, I think they're more comfy than my pajama pants, but for the sag in the crotch/rear-end area. I guess you should buy small. So fat Keri, in black skinny jeans, a tank and a cropped sweater. Why do I feel like 1987 creeped back in?

I also had to laugh today when I posted something on FB to a friend's wall, and then realized I could look at the history of our postings since I joined the FB in 2008. It's pretty hilarious, and proves that it's good we have both sought psychotropic assistance.

Speaking of "assistance"...sometimes I just think about getting a medical marijuana card and saying eff it, and eat a whole bunch of Girl Scout cookies and laughing for a weekend. Three Valium and a muscle relaxer does next to nothing for my anxiety anymore, and drinking gives me hangovers.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

This has been one busy week!

I can't even remember my last post, it seems that long ago.

I started my new job this week, which includes a two hour(+/-) commute each way to get in to San Mateo. Despite not being home to snack, I think I actually gained weight, because to mask the fact we worked over our lunch break, they bring in food for us, which is enough of a distraction tactic for me that it's successful. Nevertheless, it's deli sandwiches, salad, chips and cookies. So it's not like it's fast food.

I am loving my new job, and the potential that it has for me. It's kind of odd, though, as my boss started the same day as me, leaving us equally clueless. I have to go in the office for the first month, until I am legitimately acclimated and then I only have to go in the office once a week. I am working from home tomorrow, and hope to be able to do that one day a week, to kind of "wean" it in.

This hurricane is kind of facinating. I get this awesome hurricane coverage and then in a week, election day. And last night I heard there was a 7.7 earthquake in British Columbia, Canada...unfortunately, in the middle of no where.'s only gonna get worse.

Meanwhile, here in Cali, the sun is shining and nothing is going on.

Except my child arguing that he shouldn't be grounded "for no reason", when he's grounded because he never shuts up.

Good Grief.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The Glamorous Life

You are probably wondering, and have been wondering for some time, if you read my writing...

"Why the hell does she think her life is glamorous?"

Um, I don't. In fact, I don't believe anyone has a glamorous life.

Here's the facade of my life:

I've lived in 5 states, traveled internationally, have a six-figure income, a boat, a 5 bedroom house in the San Francisco Bay Area, and I've been published online as a writer. My blog comes up on the second page of Google as "The Glamorous Life", being beaten out for the first page by an African American hair weave website with the same name. I come up for several pages of Google if you search for me by name. I have over 50 pairs of shoes, and two closets.

Here's the real part of my life...the one I write about:

I often live paycheck to paycheck, because just when I save enough money to accomplish anything, I end up having to spend it on some last minute emergency. My house is a rental, on the fringe edge of the Bay Area, meaning I am almost in rural California.

My husband has brain damage from his 15 years in the Army, and two combat tours in Iraq, which means he's not always the brightest bulb, and having a conversation with him takes three times as long as with a normal human being because he can't think about what he's talking about while he's having the discussion.

I have a 14 year old son with Aspergers Syndrome, who has little to no social life, and a 12 year old who googles porn and has had the cops called on him twice, due to his poor choice of friends.

The 50+ pairs of shoes I own are mostly brand new, because I never have money to go anywhere that I would wear them, or, they hurt my feet too badly to wear them.

My boat, a recently acquired purchase, is from the 1970's, and is right now disassembled in my driveway, like a beat-up El Camino in the yard of a southern redneck. It is my brain-damaged husband's task to reassemble it and make it possible to use, so that will probably take several years. And I don't have a vehicle to pull it with, as we are a one-car family. A Ford Fusion. And it's "blurple".

I call my blog, "The Glamorous Life", because it's a joke, and anything but. I'm not rich and famous.

Yet, I still get small tastes of what I would refer to as glamorous, in comparison to many people I know. My sister doesn't even have cable. So, by those standards, I'm doing pretty well.

So, don't come 'round here expecting some insight in to the good life. Life is good sometimes, but most of the time it sucks.

This is a place to commisurate and laugh at it all.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Passing it on...

I am a big believer in Karma, and social responsibility. I think the two go hand-in-hand. Something good happens to you, you pass on the goodness to someone else who needs it.

I was fortunate enough to double my income in the last week. This allows me to be self-sufficient on my own income, regardless of what my husband brings in. This ability to know that I can care for my own children and provide for them independantly makes me very proud of myself, and has been an accomplishment, for someone who has been largely dependant on his former job in the military and the benefits they provided. It also covers them with health insurance from DAY 1.

Today, a young woman (20 years old) approached my husband and I while we were sitting and relaxing. She was bussed out here from Tennessee to sell cleaning product door to door. Apparently it is part of a youth program to take kids from the projects and teach them sales skills, so that they can make an income to support themselves, rather than to rely on welfare. This particular young lady had been a prostitute, had a baby, and then the baby died from a heart disorder. She had a great personality, was quick-witted and will likely go far in life because of her ability to interact with people. In fact, she will be starting trade school in January to become an LPN back in Tennessee.

The cleaner she was selling was $40 a bottle. I had no interest in the product, but I had an interest in this young woman, boldly telling her story of hardship, one that is so different from the childhood I had growing up in suburban America. She decided with the death of her child, she would not continue her life on the streets, and wanted to be able to afford a better way of life for herself and the children she will one day have.

Whether or not her story was true, I bought in to her dreams of making an income, in one of the most difficult ways possible, selling door to door household cleaner, and sharing her life's struggles and lessons learned at such a young age. I bought a bottle of her cleaner because she is good at what she does and successfully sold me.

She also shared with us, an experience she had earlier today, where a man called the police because he was sick of "her kind" meaning black, coming door to door.

I can't afford to adopt a wayward teen, nor do I have the time to contribute as much as I would like to helping people, but this situation brought an opportunity for me to do something for someone else, in a small way, but no less a success for her.

$40 was not in my budget to spend today. But it's $40 well-spent on something that will allow her to eat for one more day and pay for a night at the hostel she is living in.

Sometimes, we all need to know we can go on for one more day.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Change is a comin...

I had really super great news today, but I can't talk about it yet. Seems to be the theme lately, but I don't want to jinx anything. I was finally able to get some action on my car accident. I had to call the cops to report it, and they were able to push the guy in to giving up his insurance info. So hopefully next week they can fix it, and I owe nothing. I got lucky. When you get in a car accident, call the cops. I thought that was only necessary when people were injured. I probably would've if I wasn't on a quick break from work. But it's hard to get away from my desk when my boss would sit in my lap if she could. The less amount of jobs we have to fill, the more desperation seeps out. I think we're going to Vegas for Christmas. I know, it just seems wrong to celebrate the birth of Christ by going to a place deemed, "Sin City", but our options for travel are pretty much limited to CA, and Disneyland will be a zoo and it's too cold to enjoy a beach vacation, even in southern CA. On Christmas itself, I think we will go do the Grand Canyon trip and the Hoover Dam. Make it educational. For the day, anyway. And I really want to go to a few shows there. So, on another note... Wednesday nights, I love to watch the H2 channel because they have great shows on the universe. But I laugh when I watch them try to explain everything through algebra. Basic algebra, I get. I see how you can explain some things. But to explain how large the universe is by saying 10 to the power of 10 to the power of 10 to the power of 10 to the power of 7 seems like a bunch of bullshit to me. What the hell does that even mean??? I wish scientists would stop putting all this random crap out there and prove something, instead of speculating and making it seem like fact. It's not like they're never wrong about things... Like, what the hell happened to Pluto being a planet??? It's there and it's a solid body, so it's a planet to me. And if a planet has 16 moons, why aren't those moons planets? And all of a sudden Betsy Ross didn't make the first american flag. The first one was the one hung over Ft McHenry in Baltimore when Francis Scott Key wrote the "Star-Spangled Banner". So now, the Big Bang Theory is being debunked, which is fine with me because I didn't buy that anyway. You can't get something out of nothing. I think that it was a black hole that imploded and then exploded. And no, I am not against "Creationists" matter what happened, and how it happened, I believe God/Goddess had a hand in it. (Side note: No, I am not a physicist, scientist or anything that comes with a certification. But I am a theorist and philosopher, just based off common sense.) And on yet another note, my kid got beat up for smack talking, and then came home, got changed and went back for a rematch. LOL. What an idiot. This kid has gotten hit like 4 times since we moved here. And he never fights back, which both relieves and irritates me at the same time. I want him to stop talking smack, but if someone hits him, I want him to defend himself. But the first time he does, I bet the cops are called, and I don't need anymore cops in my life. EVER. And I have never been arrested! And my final thought is....the Giants are going to the play-offs...I wonder if they end up playing the Oakland A's, if we're going to have a gigantic earthquake like they did the last time that happened? 2012!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Made out like a bandit in the night...

I am a flea-market ninja. On Saturday, we went to this flea market in Cupertino. It's pretty huge, and they do it once a month. I picked up 4 books. Two were first editions that are worth about $100-250/a piece, and I got them all for $5/ a piece. I also got an autographed copy of one of J. Edgar Hoover's books that is worth at least $100. I also got a cute vacation purse for $10, a NARS eyeshadow palette that sells for $45 for $12, and two is a copper ship from the 1920's like my great-grandma's a music box. The other is a 1960s ceramic music box, and it's of Lombard Street, and you pull the trolley down which turns on the music, and as it plays, it pulls the trolley car up the street. Really cute. I also bought two hats. One is from the 1920's...looks british. And the other is really cute too. Both for $10/a piece. I like hats and am starting to become obsessed. Andy has continued his bartering ordeal, picking up two Citizen men's watches and a 6800 watt generator. This is the second generator we now have, so if the grid goes out, at least our food won't go bad. lol. I am expecting a big change to come my way this week. I will talk more about it next week or over the weekend, but "mums the word" for right now. And FINALLY, the weather has begun to change, which means that at least for the next week, NO AIR CONDITIONING!!!!! YAY for my electric bill, which is ridiculous. I see why so many people go solar out here. Makes complete sense, and once we buy our house, I plan to do the same. Good for the planet...good for my budget!

Friday, October 5, 2012

Car accidents; Why not to trust people

So last Monday, I got in a car accident. While I was approaching an upcoming red light, an SUV tried to swerve around me, and I didn't let him in front of me. So he ended up directly behind me at the red light. All of a sudden, "BAM", he hits the back of my car, and we were at a dead stop!!! I am pretty sure at this point, something along the lines of, "You have GOT to be Fucking KIDDING me!" came out of my mouth. I had to get back home to work, and so I was in a hurry, no one was injured, so I didn't see the need to get the cops called. The guy didn't have an insurance card with him, and giving him the benefit of the doubt, I took the rest of his contact info and vehicle info. The estimate came in higher than the deductible, so this guy says he can fix it on his own for cheaper. Every day, he emails us and makes excuses, and finally we asked for all his insurance info because he said he already called his insurance company and we would be hearing from him, and yet he won't give us the insurance info. So I had to file a claim this morning since this dude has wasted two weeks of our time, and his response was, "Good luck proving I caused the accident. My wife was in the car, and you put your car in reverse and hit us." Seriously? You're a moron, and here is why... 1. We have two weeks worth of texts which clearly you accept responsibility for the accident being your fault in writing. 2. There is a camera at that intersection. 3. Your wife was NOT in the car with you, so keep purgering yourself. Why are people so dumb??? He's gonna have fun when it comes back that he has no insurance and then I get to call the cops. RETARDS. And I include myself in that, because it was retarded for me to not just file a claim in the first place and call the cops. Lesson learned.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Why is fat any more disgusting than malnourished?

I'm really pretty irritated. My sister told me about an article she had read about a news anchor that received a letter, berating her for being over-weight. Here is a part of the letter: ""Hi, Jennifer," she read. "It's unusual that I see your morning show, but I did so for a very short time today. I was surprised indeed to witness that your physical conniption hasn't improved for many years. Surely you don't consider yourself a suitable example for this community's young people, girls in particular. Obesity is one of the worst choices a person can make and one of the most dangerous habits to maintain. I leave you this note hoping that you'll reconsider your responsibility as a local public personality to present and promote a healthy lifestyle." She didn't identify the writer of the email, saying only that she received it on Friday from a La Crosse Man, and that the subject was "Community Responsibility." "Yes, the truth is, I am overweight," Livingston responded as the cameras rolled. "You could call me fat and, yes, even obese on a doctor's chart. But to the person who wrote me that letter, do you think I don't know that?" "You don't know me. You are not a friend of mine. You are not a part of my family, and you have admitted that you don't watch this show," she continued. "So you know nothing about me, but what you see on the outside. And I am much more than a number on a scale." What I don't understand, is why it's so disgusting to be thicker around the middle, yet young girls are starving themselves to try to compete with the malnourished, self-obsessed models we see in magazine and television. Do you remember Candace Cameron from "Full House"? I met her once, and was shocked at how skinny she was in real life. Yet she looked chubby while on the show. So to actually LOOK skinny in print or magazines, you have to be thin enough to kick in half. There are pros to being heavier. For one, we don't show wrinkles, so we look a lot younger than we are. We have less risk of having bone density issues, because we drink our milk. And we're more durable. If the world goes to hell in a handbasket, I can live off of my fat stores for a year, no problem. If you're skinny, you're screwed. If you are overweight in some Asian countries, you are considered very wealthy. Now, that all being said, people who struggle with weight have a huge battle in front of them. It's so hard to work continuously to try to lose and maintain weight loss, especially when we women work 40+ hour work weeks and then have husbands who don't do their 50% of the housework and child-raising. Most of us don't have a chance to sit down and relax for the night until 9pm...AND THEN YOU WANT US TO EXERCISE TOO???? Suck a fat one. How about that? If I had time to only devote on weight loss, a professional chef/dietitian and energy...sure I could lose weight. But then I would need to continue it for the rest of my life, which is impossible, because LIFE happens, needs change and stress consumes us. Being fat doesn't mean you're unhealthy or out of shape physically either. I out-weigh my husband by about 60 lbs, but I have more stamina and healthy cholesterol and blood pressure, whereas he does not. I am also strong as a damn ox, so for my own protection, I actually like being able to take care of myself, because the mugger who comes after me will get their asses handed to them. Instead of worrying about how other people look, take a good look at yourself. Chances are, if you were on television, people would have some scathing commentary to offer you too, because there are always assholes out there, just looking to be mean.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Right now...

Inwardly, I am rather inpatient to have this day over so that I can get some answers on pressing matters in my life. Outwardly, I'm quiet and pensive, which usually indicates stress. Why do I feel like every month that passes, there is a growing shadow? It's on my mind when I'm not even directly thinking about it. It's always there, lurking like an animal that's about to strike. I feel unprepared for whatever it is. But I've learned you can only prepare for the things you can anticipate. The unknowns are a lot harder to be ready for. I wouldn't say I am psychic, but I have a very accurate inner alarm that goes off right before something big is supposed to happen. It's like a balloon in my chest that keeps inflating until I feel smothered. It's a general feeling of intense anxiety, making the only way for me to truly ignore it is by occupying my mind with something that requires focus. Usually when I feel this much of it, it's imminent...within 24 hours. Maybe I will try to meditate. I watched a show last night that meditating and saying the word, "Peace" actually makes physiological changes in your body chemisty. I don't know when I started letting stress get to me. Oh, maybe I do. When I lived in GA. A mixture of friend stress and work stress. And both ended up being bad in the end. When I moved out to CA, the first two months were pretty awesome. I really didn't need anxiety meds, and I felt content. Now something is moving in, like a storm. I feel it so strongly that it's more than just something that will affect my life, but rather everyone in some way, or lots of people. I hope I am wrong, but whatever it is, is going to change some things. BIG TIME.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Ancient Aliens

Maybe it's because it's 2012, and I secretly want the world to turn in to utter chaos so I don't have to work anymore, but I spent the latter part of Friday night watching that "Ancient Aliens" show on H2, and it's facinating. When you match up all of the documentation left by cave drawings, religious accounts and actual texts, they all experienced similar things that could've easily been translated in to "God-like" entities that were really aliens. Even some theological scholars can't dispute that this could've really happened. I mean, I guess when it comes don't to it, isn't more intelligent to say it's a possibility, rather than a non-possibility? Nothing exists to disprove the theory, so on a scientific level, you could say it was possible. But I will say, that they need to find people who don't look so nutso to convey their ideas because the people that they show all look somewhat scary and not so trust-worthy, which is half their battle in appealing to general audiences. I don't know..I found it interesting anyway...much more so than the typical crap to watch, like "Here comes Honey-Boo-Boo." What the hell is that crap, anyway? An ugly, redneck toddler with one tag-line gets her own show on TLC because she competes in pageants, which is a gross negligence of spending money for when you're poor in the first place? And don't look at me like that, because she is not an attractive child, and NO beauty is NOT in the eye of the beholder!!! Some kids are just ugly. I get why TLC has given shows to the "Little People" because they actually are interesting to watch and get a point of view from. I get wanting to watch polygamists, as that's an interesting dynamic as well, and frankly, I miss my "Big Love" on HBO. But why on earth would they put this family on tv? We already have plenty of shows on rednecks, like "Hillbilly Handfishing" and "Dumbest Criminals Caught on Tape". Yes, I admit to watching pretty much all that Bravo has to offer, but at least it's interesting. I can get down with watching spoiled psuedo-rich women having cat-fights, because they are rich and get to do things that I can't. I feel like I have a handful of decent sitcoms or dramas to watch, but not many. There is a new end of the world one on Monday nights, "Revolution"...but I am so screwed because it's made by the same damn people who brought us "Lost" which I dedicated my television viewing to for all of the seasons only to have it "blue ball" me with a piece of crap ending. So I know that I am commiting to this series ONLY because I love end of the world crap, and I will likely end up highly unsatisfied when they reveal why the power is out, which will probably take 2 more seasons to uncover. My brain needs decent stimulation! And when it's not getting enough of it, I am left to "Say yes to the Dress" and "Dance Moms" or HGTV, and after the past 2 years of solidly watching and recording every episode of "House Hunters International", I am just irritated that I can't move to a foreign country and then nit-pick about upgraded fixtures with my $300/month rental budget. I am so bored.

Friday, September 28, 2012

And on top of all that, I think I'm getting sick.

I am not having the best of weeks.

We are currently uninsured, and my son is about to run out of his medications for ADHD. We had one refill left on one of the meds, which cost $300 out of pocket. He's actually on 4 medications, but we will only be able to get the two main ones, due to cost restraints. The others I had wanted to wean him off of anyway.

I spent the entire day on hold, waiting for an appointment at the local clinic, just to get the kid prescription refills, and still got no one. It's really eye-opening and scary, not ever having been without insurance in my life. My job doesn't start insurance for employees until they are employed 90 days. It's freaken BS, is what I think. What the hell are we supposed to do? We couldn't afford the $1300 they wanted for Cobra back when we could've gotten it. And right now, it's affording either health insurance or his medication...but the health insurance has a prescription deductible, so it wouldn't help.

So, even if I paid for the insurance, I wouldn't be able to afford the medication, which is the whole point. So even though I am making a decent wage, down to the county health clinic and germ fest I go, because it's my only option to medicate my son so he doesn't act up and fail his classes.

But "no Obamacare" way....that makes too much sense to have coverage for EVERYONE so that prescriptions are affordable. I bet it would be cheaper for me to buy a plane ticket and fly round trip to mexico to get the prescriptions at an affordable price than to buy them from Target.

And then today I find out the kids are off the next two weeks for break.

Jesus H. Christ.

I will end up wanting to hurt one of them. Or all of them. lol.

It's about 90 degrees outside today. And I can't stop shaking, I am so cold. Goosebumps down my arms and legs, sitting outside. I am too cold to take a hot shower. I literally do not think I could take being naked and wet right now, I am so cold. I am so glad I have nothing constructive to do for the next two days. I need rest.  

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Just when I underestimate him, he shows me why I married him.

While playing around with my new friend, Siri...I told her to send Andy a text telling him that I love him.

Which I followed up with a text telling him I made Siri tell him that, to which HE then responded, saying, "then it's not heartfelt."

Today, while working in my office, I received a text from Andy, in the garage, saying, "Can we have nookie? My phone is asking."

He doesn't have an iphone.

Touche. I almost said yes just because that was witty.


Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Well, I'll be damned! (I probably already am.)

Andy got his damned free boat. It's got a cabin in the front and it's pretty big, and it works.

I have no idea how we are going to get it anywhere though, because the only car we have is a Ford Focus. lol.

To review on Andy's bartering trades, he traded an open, single axel trailer (approx. value $400) for a $300 mountain bike, $500 cash and a $250 generator.

Then he traded old army uniforms, two small pelican cases and the mountain bike for a 1973 Ford F-250, not working and had to be towed here.

Then he trades the truck for the boat. Straight across deal.

He also traded a search light for $1300 in store credit and $500 cash at the "Man Cave Consignment" shop. He's using the $500 cash to buy new paint for the bottom half of the boat, and then we will put new seating in as well, with profits he makes from his bartering and selling.

He kills me. I came home yesterday from 3 hours at Verizon to replace my cell phone (whole other story), to find a boat in my driveway where the truck had been, and Andy popped his head out of the top of it as I pulled in, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. I said to him, "Mighty proud of yourself, aren't you?" and he said, "Yes, I really am."

Such a dork. This is what happens if you retire young and poor, people.

I'm glad he had a good day, because mine was shit.

My son and his friend had downloaded porn one day (the friend is a bad influence who had been doing this at his OWN house too, I came to find out), so my laptop that is only 6 months old was working like crap. So I took it to Best Buy, and it cost me $200 and will take a week.

Then, on the way home, I got rear-ended by some idiot and messed up my bumper. I think he did it on purpose bc I wouldn't let him pass me.

Then my work computer wouldn't work, and I had to go to Verizon to upgrade my 3G broadband to 4G. The only good thing was that while I was there, I was able to get an iPhone 4S for $99.

So I came home last night, and talked to Siri for about an hour. I requested that every day at 10am, she tell me, "Hot damn, you are one gorgeous piece of ass!" and she sure did this morning. Scared the crap out of me.

You know you've hit an all-time low when you're getting validation from a phone.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Things I Covet, which, I believe is against one of the Ten Commandments

Of all the things that God/Goddess could grind in to stone...why can't you want things that other people have???

I had a list of things I have wanted for years, and I've mostly exhausted them. It's really a sad statement of your own creativity when a front-load washer and dryer is on that list. But here are things that I would like to have before 2012 ends, or before we all die from solar storms.

A boat that is big enough to take out friends and my dogs for the day. I am surrounded by water and have no craft to go out on it! In fact, I like to sit in the front of the boat and let the wind blow my "fur" back. (I have an immense afro when activated by moisture.)

A job at I love this awesome app. It's so useful to go to one source and be able to reach so many people at one time. As a multi-tasker, it saves time and keeps contacts organized. And it's easier than sending things out to Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and my IM's all individually.

A funfetti cupcake...which I know I am getting tonight since my friend is bringing them over, along with a homemade lasagna....and going to spend the next 24 hours lounging and watching salacious Lifetime Movies in PJ's.

A Sandra Cadavid handbag. They are gorgeous and I love supporting new businesses.

A new iPhone. I don't care if it's a 5 or not. But I dropped mine in a gin and tonic (true story) and now the speaker sounds weird. And...I didn't get the handset insurance through some fluke and didn't notice until I tried to use the handset insurance.

A vacation home somewhere warm and foreign. I don't care if I can speak the language or not. I can learn. Besides, pointing is very helpful in these situations. It's universal, as is a smile. ;)

A trip home to PA. I miss shoofly pie, Turkey Hill Iced Tea, my grandparents and my niece. In that order.

A cloudy/rainy Saturday or Sunday. Seriously, I knew California was sunny...but this is for the birds! The sun drains the hell out of me and it's never even overcast!

A publishing deal for my book, and to finish my book. But it's so hard to write when you're just uninspired for the day.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Waiting and waiting and waiting...

I am not happy at the moment. I can't talk about anything exciting or irritating at the moment. My lips are sealed, and keeping a good secret or rant is hard for me. AND I WANT TO RANT!!!!!!!!! But that's all a part of having a public life. You never know who is reading. I had to laugh this week, because Andy's bartering has continued. He managed to trade a mega-watt searchlight for $1300 in store credit at a place called, "Man Cave Consignments". So he got two paintballs guns, which I am not really pleased about, and left the rest to be determined. And his truck that he got, he finally realized he was in over his head and is either selling it, or trading it for a Jeep Cherokee that actually runs. The eventual hope is that he can trade that for a boat to work on. He kills me. But at least he's busy and occupied. I've been trying to find up and coming designers to feature on my other blog. I've also been looking at print magazines to try to get some entries added to my list of publications for my portfolio. I submitted a chapter of my book to one of them, but haven't heard back yet. It looks like it's going to be another boring weekend. But I have to just suffer through it until I get where I want to be financially. I've learned enough over the years about trying to save money, and I want to be secure, now that I have little debt. Just my car payment.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

"Is this thing on?" (tap, tap...)

So, I know you are there. You're lurking in the misty woods, like a Cullen, waiting to read whatever drivel I put out.

I see the stats.

Yet, but for a few of you, you remain silent. No comments.

I like comments. They validate me as a writer, since I have such low self-esteem. (HA!) But I do really like comments because I know you are looking in at me, but it's like a mirror and I can't see any of you. Maybe you're a Craigslist killer in wait. Maybe you're someone I admire.
(Actually, even if you're a Craigslist killer and you read my blog, I admire you for that. You can't be all that bad.)

So, uh, speak up a little bit.

Now that THAT item is addressed...

WTF is the deal with the RHONY? Or, for those of you who don't get acronyms, The Real Housewives of New York. (Yes, I watch that show. STOP LAUGHING AT ME!)

I am in girl-love with Carole and Heather. I have a sick feeling in my gut that neither one of them will come back next season, because they're too smart, and not "white trash", as Ramona Singer actually had to google on last night's episode. Any time I actually like someone on one of these shows, they leave because they aren't dramatic enough. But this time, they got the balance right. I am on the fence with Aviva. All I can say regarding her, is that I would GLADLY sacrifice a leg to have her body.

Prosthetics are amazing these days.

On yet ANOTHER note...

My husband, Andy, has been trying to barter bullshit items on Craigslist to trade up to a boat to work on, and ultimately, use. Well, it finally paid off. He traded a Pelican case and a pile of old army uniforms for a 1970's Ford truck that needs to be fixed up.

The man has a project. Thank FUCKING God, because I get unnerved every time I go anywhere in the house during the day when I am working, and there he is...lurking like Chuck Norris in wait. It's like that Bing Crosby movie, "White Christmas", when he sings, "What do you do with a General, when he stops being a General..."

I bet 3 of you even know what I am referring to, because it was a musical, done in technicolor, and poor Bing is dead. So is Rosemary Clooney. Sigh. The greats....

The problem is..this truck has to be towed here, because it needs a bunch of crap done to make it run. And my husband thinks that because the guy is giving him all the parts that need to be put in it, that he can just google how to do everything.

This is not a mechanically inclined man. Give him a sniper rifle, and he's all over it, and can teach you how to shoot a mile away, calculating the curvature of the Earth...but something breaks down, and all hell breaks loose.

This is going to be interesting to watch. Stay tuned...

Monday, September 10, 2012

Who's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown? This bitch.

I swear to God, orange is not a flattering color on a larger sized woman.

I went to the Dodgers/Giants game this weekend with my friend and family. Our boys hadn't ever been to a professional sports game. Which is kind of sad, because we had ample opportunity when we lived within an hour of Atlanta.

So, at the 11th hour, we had to go get sports gear (meaning shirts), so that we could properly cheer for the home team. I have no relation to the Dodgers, so this was the obvious choice. Had it been a PA team, it would've been a different story, and I would've most likely been pummeled with hot dogs and beer.

Not that it would would be a bad thing. In fact, then I wouldn't have had to get up to get the stuff myself.

So, the other local teams have decent colors...Black for Raiders, Red for 49ers...
But Giants are orange. So I ended up looking like this:
Meet Charlie Brown's Great Pumpkin.
It gives off an orange glow to my icy pale skin, so I look like Snookie.
It's freaken hard to find clothes that look halfway decent when you're on a fat binge. And with my manly, line-backer broad shoulders, I just look more boxy.
They handed out free Giants t-shirts, but it wasn't til I sat down that I saw it was Latin heritage festival there, probably because I think half the team was of the Latin persuation, so the t-shirts were in spanish.
The last thing I need is further advertisement on my rather large rack, as it says "Gigantes" across the boobage area. I will never don that shirt. Everyone already knows they are Gigantes. Well, one is. The other is named Mt Diablo.
I was watching the Kardashian clan last night and Kris got her boobs reduced. I really need that but I am so afraid they will find a way to fuck up my nipples. My belly button seems placed rather high after my tummy tuck, and I don't want my nipples to be looking in different directions.
"um, ma'am, you seem to have a lazy nipple."
But right now, they make me look matronly, and I don't need that. In another ten years, I will be balancing them on my knees. They already hit the table and collect things in between. Big boobs are not for me. I just want a full B, or small C. Not the DDD that I am.
The stupid things you wish for when you're young.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Utterly Lost

So, we've been waiting since June to have the VA reopen Andy's claim. They shut the whole thing down when he got out, and we've had weekly phone calls to the VA that largely end up getting us nothing but more confused. It's a royal pain in the ass to get stuck talking to random people at call centers who all have different information.

But today, I think we actually might get somewhere, because they finally routed us to the office in Seattle where his file sits, gathering dust, and I guess our squeaky wheel finally got some grease.

Andy's mom and her "Partner" (which is what mature couples are apparently referring to themselves as, because BF and GF is for young folk, but I just think it makes people wonder if it's a man or a woman. Hmmmm...I am going to start referring to Andy as my "partner".) Anyway, they came out from the East Coast for a visit last weekend and I crawled out of my hole (office) long enough to socialize and go to the Sausalito Art Festival. I pretty much sauntered around, looking at things way out of my budget (and I have no more room to put "stuff"...I need a bigger house so I can keep shopping) and they had booze tents everywhere. I had a few glasses of champagne (because I was looking at fine art!) and a few margaritas, which was where it was at.

And, I acquired this...most lovely thing I saw:

It's a hand-bound (like the Monks used to do it, I was informed), purple leather journal with handmade bamboo paper, and antique hardware. It's freaken gorgeous. And cost as much as a 40 inch flatscreen.

I have had it for a week, but only take it out at night to stare at it lovingly. I don't want to just put ANY OLD CRAP in it. This is a book that you would find in an attic chest with some amazing and shocking story in it about your heritage, or like the "Never-Ending Story." I was thinking I really need to get out more so that I have more stories to tell, and then I realized I have quite a few in my basket already. It's just a matter of documenting them. I want my grandkids to read it when I die and both laugh and be shocked that "Nana" was so incredibly awesome.

And yes, I shall be called Nana. It should involve a "knighting" ceremony. "I now deem you evermore..."Nana" of the family." And they touch a baguette to both your shoulders.

There are certain rules to making up what your grandkids call you. Nana's have big boobs, a little extra cushioning, and always have what I refer to as "Mary Poppins" purses, which are large and hold useful things like moist towelettes, mints, crackers and other various ecoutrement meant for entertaining children.

However, I can hopefully make it to my mid 40's before becoming a Nana. But I caught my 12 year old trying to Google search porn on the internet the other day, so that probably won't happen. I had to sit him down and tell him that we have a long standing tradition in both sides of our family in teen pregnancy, and we'd like that to at least skip a generation. I also busted out the story about me having a teen pregnancy at 16, which my kids didn't know about. But I told him that a good rule of thumb is not to start having sex until your "tiny acorn" is big enough to even fit in a condom. Which is not the case at 12. He thinks Charlie Sheen is cool. Which, I think Charlie Sheen is cool too, but I wouldn't exactly want him to be a role model for my teenage sons.

I really need to enroll him in some all-male extracurricular activities.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

My own little Cinnabon Hell

"Why," I ask myself, "does my house smell like a Cinnabon, that sell pork?"


Because Andy decided to make Spam with brown sugar glaze with eggs for dinner, and then put a wax tart that smells like cinnamon rolls in the tart warmer.

Why does that make me want to go on a murderous rampage?

Because I started my "Official" diet, aka Fast for a Month-plan today.

What is allowed on my diet for the first 3 days, you ask? Water, Iced tea with Sweet and Low, and Coffee with fat free creamer.

A food fast.

That's right. I am hardcore and have to shrink the stomach to reduce cravings, while flushing everything out of my body, and re-set my metabolic clock.

That is the kind of Cage-Fighter willpower I have. Once I get on a roll, and commit...I am a dieting ninja.

The challenge in sticking to my diet is going to be my alcohol consumption this weekend, as my inlaws are coming. And Canadian drink. ALOT. That is one of the "Pros" of my husband's family. They drink like fish. My is a "Con". They need to drink MORE. And we're going to Napa, which is like the gates of heaven were flung wide open and Angels fly about refilling your glass.

My husband has been occupying himself with posting listings on CL to barter items we don't need or use. He thinks that due to the show Barter Kings, he can trade a bunch of tools and crap for a boat or hot tub or RV to work on for something to keep himself busy. Instead, we've gotten an XBox, a Generator and a bicycle.

The XBox was promptly taken to GameStop to cash in. The Generator, I am not sure he should trade, as it is the year that the world will end, or at the very least, a solar flare will knock out the grid, causing mass chaos and hysteria because of all the technology we depend on. And that, my friends, is God/Goddesses' lesson to all of us that we worship technology.

The bicycle, I look at daily.

Should I mount it?

Can I even ride a bike anymore? When is the last time I was actually ON one? Will my giant ass envelope the seat?

I keep telling myself that I WILL ride one day. I will use that for my requisite exercise that everyone tries to tell me that I need to do to lose weight. (Which is BULLSHIT)

It's bullshit because I've lost weight a million times NOT EXERCISING. And then everyone wants to say, "Well, it's not healthy to lose weight by starving yourself."
And I say, "Well, it's healthier than being fat."
And people say when I gripe about gaining back all the depression weight loss I had, that I didn't lose that in a healthy way. Like it's supposed to matter. The only GOOD thing that came out of my life-altering, come to Jesus, knock me down backwards depression WAS the weight loss. Because if nothing else, I looked hot as balls.

But instead, the Dr put me on hardcore meds to knock me out because I hadn't slept in a year, and I gladly followed the Pied Piper with his sleep drugs, not realizing they made me crave sweet stuff at midnight, which I was happy to oblige.

Sleep or Skinny?

Happy or Skinny? (Happiness includes food binges, say...on fondue and bread.)

It all sucks, and now I have to pay the price.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Calling in fat today...

I am really glad I work from home.

Somewhere between March and June, I gained like 50 lbs. Which really sucks because I had lost that much and bought a bunch of skinny clothes that are now mocking me from my closet down the hall.

I hear them. It grates on my self-image. I feel disgusting for the first time since my tummy tuck a few years ago.

I can't win some days. I try to quit everything that I like. Smoking, eating, anti-anxiety medication. And it doesn't work, because I don't really want to quit.

And everyone feels the need when I bitch about my weight, to explain to me like I'm half-retarded, that I need to exercise.



X-ER-SIZE? What does that mean?
I dont care if you are my bff or my mother...if you tell me I need to exercise and watch what I eat, like I've been living in a cave and had no exposure to "healthy living" ideas and that bullshit food pyramid, I WILL bitch-slap you.

I know I am supposed to exercise. I just don't feel like it. Maybe you don't know, because you've never been fat, but the fatter you get, the HARDER IT IS to move. It's exercise for me to walk up a flight of stairs. And I am not even like, hugely fat.

And you think you have company in misery, and then everyone you know who was reliably fat with you goes and gets digestive surgery and loses all the weight.

It really pisses me off. Don't leave me in fatness alone! That means if I am fatter than someone who has ALWAYS been fat, then its like being picked last in gym class, and I have to exercise. Which means I have to quit smoking so I don't fall over when I lose my breath in five minutes.

Everything I knew to be true, was a LIE.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Timeshares and Idiots

That's a working title.

I took a call today, telling me that I won some free trip from the Brentwood Corn Festival. (Yes, I moved to hi-falutin' (Spelling???) California, and went to a corn festival. It was across the street.)

So I listened to half the spiel and then asked about the catch. Of course you have to sit through a 90 minute speech about timeshares, but then you get a 5 day trip, all expenses and airfare to Hawaii. Sounds pretty damn good to me. I had intentions of going anyway, but this way, we just have to pay for the kids. So that would be a nice addition in October, when they're off school for two weeks. And I can work from anywhere. It gives me an excuse to make Andy go do things with the kids and leave me in peace.

Now, the idiot part is that people email me to tell me they're not interested in a job, if I email a mass email.

I am emailing over 1000 people a day for 50 different jobs. I don't want to hear from them when they aren't interested in the job...just when they are!!!!!!!

As you can see, I am glad it's almost the end of the week.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

There once was a woman who lived in a shoe...

....who spent so much spare time social networking she was about to jump off a cliff.

(Bet you thought I was going to finish that off with something that rhymed, but I'm not a poet.)

So now I work fulltime from home during the day.

I've also suddenly become super-motivated to write more. All in the places I don't need to be, and not in the one place I do (my book).

I started a new blog, scrapped it because I became involved in an already started blog with the same focus. Then I started a new one. You can see the picture to the left to click on..."Glamorously Chic Designs". I just started it, so there is like 2 posts. lol.

Then I decided to revamp this old girl, now that I am no longer affiliated with the United States Military.

And in between, there is facebook pages, I needed a portfolio in order to write for publications and a resume, and blah, blah, if you are friends with me on Facebook, and you get 80 requests to like something affiliated with me, just do it. I will owe you one.

The one thing that was actually funny, was that I created a fan page for myself on FB. Not just for my blogs, but for me as a writer.


"Did you just create a "fan page" for yourself?" he IM'd me.

I wanted to reply, "Uh, I AM somebody, so, uh, yeah...I needed a collective place that ALL my worldwide (that's right people...I am read WORLDWIDE) can go to in order to click a "Like" button.

I was slightly embarrassed, but the one thing I figured out in the past two years I've been blogging, is that the more people see your shit, the better.

I mean, I'm already "outed". I did that to myself. So now everyone can enjoy my picture attached to everything. It's funny too, because that is only damn good picture taken of me in the past decade.

I have to go now...I have to create another page for my new blog, and then write an article due tommorrow for about the Top Ten Big East Football Stadiums, followed by another article due this week on health insurance for

I might actually sleep one day this week...

Monday, August 13, 2012

"Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere."

Helen Gurley Brown


"Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort."
"Nearly every glamorous, wealthy, successful career woman you might envy now started out as some kind of schlep."

Thursday, August 9, 2012

I am laughing so hard at this....

This Gotye song is so easy to make in to a parody.

First Verse:

Now I think of back before I was a hooker

Right before I would get on the pole before a show

I told myself you’ll only do this once

Its extra dough to pay the rent this month

but that was then and I was young, and dumb and limber

(Skip second verse, because I am too lazy to write one.)

But you didn’t have to sell me out
Told the cops that you weren’t paying for a hand job or nothing
Didn’t even post my bail
But you come knocking at my door the next day for tail
You didn’t have to get that low
You told your friends that since I caught VD it would be over
I guess that I don’t need your dough
Now you’re just somebody when I used to “ho” my addicted is fueled even more...

 I saw the damn Gotye video for "Somebody that I Used to Know".

I think I've listened to it a million times already today.

First, the lyrics are stirring, because it's so true. You spend time in a long relationship with someone, and they know you like they are part of you, and then you break up and suddenly they are someone you used to know.

Then I see the video, and the representation of his vulnerability by being naked is great. And he's freaken adorable.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Did you ever have that dream....

...where you got to interview two hot celebrities, and ask them anything you want?

Well, I may be in that predicament.

I was contacted by PR for this new show that will be premiering on "Stars Vs. Stripes", on NBC August 13th at 8/7 Central, where it follows eight celebrities, as they gather at a remote training facility are challenged to execute complicated missions inspired by real military exercises. 

Celebrities Laila Ali, Dean Cain, Terry Crews, Nick Lachey, Todd Palin, Dolvett Quince and Eve Torres will be accompanied by members of the U.S. Military to compete in the competitions. During each challenge, the teams will be competing for a cash prize on behalf of their selected charities, including:

· MILITARY CHILD EDUCATION COALITION, which works to ensure quality education opportunities for military connected children.
· WOUNDED WARRIOR PROJECT, which provides medical care to injured service members after their period of active duty.
· THE PAT TILLMAN FOUNDATION honors Pat Tillman by providing education scholarships and community opportunities to military veterans and their spouses.
· THE BADGE OF HONOR MEMORIAL FOUNDATION hopes to provide the families of officers who have been killed in the line of duty a lasting symbol of recognition for the life of service, as well as providing the survivors of officers with statutory benefits.
· ARMED SERVICES YMCA OF ALASKA provides educational, recreation and social programs and opportunities to all service members and their families.
· HIRING OUR HEROES helps to find jobs and maximize job opportunities for veterans and military spouses.

I've seen the commercials, and it looks pretty good.
But anyway, back to me. ;)

So I was offered the chance to try and get interviews with some of the celebs who will be on the show. Initially, I wanted Terry Crews (and still do), simply because of his stellar performance on the movie, "White Chicks", where he played the big, black, buff guy who sung his way in to our hearts with his rendition of Vanessa Carlton's "Thousand Miles".
I love this dude.
But I figured that I would go with Nick Lachey and Dean Cain. So, it is in the process of being set up. My people talking to their know how it is when you're bigtime. lol.
But I thought, partially out of laziness and partially out of amusement, that I would throw it out to you, my faithful readers, to come up with some questions YOU would ask them if you could. And it's a good way to get comments flowing again, because you've been making me hear crickets in the background after I post.
So post a comment with your question. You can put your name with it, so that I can say, "Val" wants to know...
Now cross your fingers. I am going to go write my questions.