Saturday, July 21, 2012

That's what you get when you go snooping where you don't belong!


I am "holding my gut-laughing".

My son obviously was digging around in his parents room, and found our little stash of "playtime enhancements". Instead of being eternally mortified, and horrified, he decided to take some of them in his room.

Which, in turn, actually gave Andy and I that horrified reaction, when Andy found them under his bed while cleaning. Not from being found out, because I don't care if my kids know that grownups can have a healthy sex life with "enhancements", but because we thought he might have tried to use them!!! (Shudder)

But I got him back, because I am sure he wasn't expected to be called out on it when he came home. His sun-speckled face looked even more ruddy when I asked him why he was digging around under my bed. He tried so hard to keep a serious, straight-lined mouth when he realized what I was talking about.

And then I giggled, and then he did.

Oh, the fun times in parenting. At least when they were little, I could tell them my egg vibrator was a cat toy.

Now they know better.

Being a mother is so weird. I still can't believe I have kids. It seems unreal to have them, but unreal to imagine not having them. They've kinda grown on me.

I still feel like a teenager. Except for when I have to be in "grown up" mode. I would still be game for doing stupid, funny things, like tripping people in a club. I actually convinced a guy in some rave club that I was an honest to God Angel. The Angel Keri. I swear to God. I told him God sent me to tell him to get off drugs and pursue music as a career.

And did it with a straight face.

I also asked him what he was on, since clearly, no man wears his shirt unbuttoned to his belly button in an afterhours club unless they're tripping. He kept wanting to pet my hair.

I must have looked ethereal in the strobe lights that night.

I figured God wouldn't be mad, since I was using my powers for good, even though I was impersonating an angel. I don't remember ever hearing a golden rule or law in the bible about impersonation attempts being a sin. He's the dumbass that believed it.

There were also many people who wore medical masks that night. Which, you need to understand, I have never been, or not been in a LONG time, to a rave in a major metropolitan area.

My friend's first instinct is to protect her country friend from the city crazies. But I wanted to find out what the deal was, especially since we had time, after paying $90 for two Red Bull and Vodka's since it was after hours and illegal. Nasty tasting or not, I was getting my money's worth at 3am.

So I went out to smoke a cigarette, and asked a hairy, mask-wearing fellow what the deal was? I thought it was a drug thing. He said it was to protect them from the coming Pandemic that was going to end the world. And then he shook my hand when I told him my name. (Staci, is my bar name, since I wanted to be named that when I was a kid. Or Tori.) I found that to be even funnier that he shook my bare hand, and pointed out that if they are afraid of a Pandemic, why not wear protective gloves too?

I admit, I enjoyed the alarm I saw in his eyes.

Friday, July 13, 2012

"oh no, I've said too much...I haven't said enough."

Those are lyrics from REM's "Losing my religion" song.

It fits perfectly, since I was contacted by the Steve Harvey talks show about appearing on a segment about sharing TMI on social media.

I declined to appear on the show because I feel that it would serve to reinforce their point.

I don't believe in status update arguments, especially involving child custody disputes or disseminating harmful information. Do I love reading people's online arguments? Hell to the yes. But that's the Jerry Springer side of me. Lol. But I don't believe in taking a private argument that could harm someone, public in detail.

I started my blog to lend support to other military spouses or family members, and to talk realistically about what it's like to live that lifestyle, because it is unique and surrounded by isolation. There are many things that are misconceived and many things that are not discussed that should be.

It morphed into my personal story when I experienced something that changed my life and was a struggle, to document and share that you can go through the lowest of times but you will get through it, and advocating talk therapy. Once your secret is public, even with close friends or family members, it's not just your pain anymore. Can it be embarrassing? Absolutely. But everyone fucks up. It's what you do afterwards that defines who you are.

I would live to share more about my life than I do, but, I don't give details of my family members lives or their struggles, because it's not my story to tell. I'm just a supporting character.

Will potential employers see my blog? Yeah, if they google me. But other than the fact I swear like a sailor and have opinions, it doesn't expose me as someone harmful. If anything, it shows that I am an open communicator and a smart, witty and strong individual who can overcome hardships.

Will my children read this one day? Perhaps. Right now I monitor their Internet usage carefully, and when they get a little older, there are some family discussions that will take place. But my kids know me as a person, so it should come as no surprise. They know I went through a tough time. They aren't idiots.

What's the difference between blogging and writing an autobiography? Nothing. Except making $. And one day, I will write a book that spills lots of beans. But not under my real identity. Because I'm not an idiot. Lol.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Are you happy?

For those of us in our early 30's, we have reached a point of reflection.

When you are in your twenties, you don't think as much. You just do.

Then things don't go as planned, and you realize it's a lot more simplistic to come to your moment of how to turn it around.

An "a-ha!" moment.

Well, I guess we all have those moments at different stages, by mine was the last two years.

I've never been the type to follow the crowd. I know my own mind and while I'm open to advice from others, the ultimate choice is up to me.

I feel like, on job interviews, I used to get nervous. But I guess I have reached a stage where I can just decide if certain relationships, work included, are a good match, conducive to my life. I interview them, usually more than they interview me.

Sometimes I make choices and don't know whether it was the right one. But no one makes perfect decisions all the time.

I'm rambling. I have had a crazy few months, and a few months of peace, followed by crazy again.

My family didn't want me to move to CA. So they are all mad at me and it's put a rift in the relationships. I get that they miss me, but it's been since I was a teenager that I lived in my hometown.

And I don't recall it ever being that special. When I do go home, it's always a mess. Someone is always bitching about something, family gatherings are an annoyance, because I don't come from a family of laid back people. Or they aren't married to laid back people. I just like to sit and relax and enjoy a good conversation. Have some laughs. I never get that when I go home. Instead, I get drama. Either our husbands don't like each other, or we don't like the husbands...we are all very different.

I grew up in a stress filled house. I was the oldest, therefore labeled the worst because I did everything bad first.

I think my sisters still see me this way. I don't think my family knows me at all. Not the person I was then, or who I am now. I never hid the fact that I couldn't wait to move far away. I just like to live my life, love who I want to love, do what I want to do, and the thing that most people don't understand, is that I do what I want. Not what other people think I should do.

My options were limited as an army wife. I only had so many things that were under my control. I guess a part of me felt like moving home would put me right back in to having to do what everyone else wanted, because nothing has changed.

I love my family. I really do. I miss them terribly, but I'm always going to miss someone. Everyone special in my life is spread out over a country. So I wanted a fresh start, away from constant judgement, opinions and stress. I wanted to move somewhere new. I never lived on the west coast, but had been here enough times to know it has everything I want in a place to live. Opportunity, things to do, beautiful scenery, and adventure. I don't feel like there is a cap on my happiness or my opportunity here.

At home, I do. I would never afford the home I have now there, because the pay doesn't may h the cost of living there.

I've seen the east coast, and it's not that special. Out here, I am near the country, near the ocean, near the mountains, the woods, the city and snow, if I want it. I don't have people constantly telling me how to raise my kids. I don't have ignorant idiots influencing my kids. I have a peaceful existence and a relaxing life. I'm not bored. I'm not overly stressed. I'm not embedded in the things I can't change.

I am happy. I laugh. I have fun. I do things.

So, if that means pulling myself out of a situation in which there is enough fuel to start constant fires, then that is what I do. And I did.
I have enough sense to know that it wouldn't be good. And I don't want my kids growing up around small minded people, and the town I come from is very small minded. Highly religious and conservative.

I like the crazies out here. I can sit on a street corner cafe in the city and have a discussion with a homeless man wearing a pink tutu. And I have. It's colorful and real and not some facade of life that you get in Lancaster, PA. I can talk to brilliant people who all have something interesting to add.

My family is important to me, but my freedom and happiness is more important. Because its my life. And I have to live it.

I just want the same for them. And support whatever or wherever they find their dreams.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Posting blues

I haven't had much to blog about lately, other than discussing family drama, which isn't an option since my family reads my blog and that would cause a whole lots of MORE family drama.

So I digress.

I've been trying to barter crap on Craigslist, but you have to keep reporting daily or else your ad is lost by noon. I just don't have that level of commitment.

I spent a day doing it, and ended up irritated and frustrated because people are stupid. Not even regular stupid...they are stoopid.

I am bored out of my mind and my budget is too tight to allow for my hobbies, such as shopping, and going out to eat, but that's a good thing. I have been so stressed about finding the right job and my family issues, I haven't been that hungry.

I'm sick of job interviews. They all insist on a phone interview and then two to three meetings. I feel like this is overkill if you know what you are doing. Either the skills and personality fit, or they don't. To interview, because of logistics, it takes half a day or the whole day for one interview. And who the hell has 4th of July in the middle of a week?? That set me back another week, possibly two, for my last round of interviews and offers.

My son Gavin has made fast friends here. Already had a few sleepovers, which I will give him since school starts July 31st.

Other than that and my insane family, not much inspiring.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

A prayer, by yours truly...

Dear God/Goddess, Allah, Jehovah, Jesus, Santa Claus, The three wise men, George Lucas and Stephen Hawkings,

Please put me in a deep cyborg sleep tonight, and have me wake up in three weeks.

This request would allow me to avoid dealing with my spoiled brat 12 year old until he goes back to school, and lessen the chance of a sound beating, because one of us may not make it that long without divine intervention.

My delusional thinking that sons are easier than daughters has come to an end...(almost).

And while you are at it, develop a remote control that I can use to mute crazy people, because there is no arguing rationally with crazy.
Either that, or give me super powers to zap them until they get straight.

I wonder how many people lie on their deathbed thinking, "Why did I get married and have kids when all they do is hover over me and argue?"

Wishing for sanity in the ranks, and quiet in the house,

Your humble sucker of a whipping boy,


Sunday, July 1, 2012

Hurry up and wait...

The past few weeks have brought a lot of boring days and a lot of busy ones.
Unfortunately, it's not the scenario I anticipated, with my family getting out here, since I lost my job, and the fact school starts July 31.

And, the VA closed Andys claim, so now we have to reopen it and start that mess again, when we were expecting that income to start soon.

Always something with the government.

Still, I am plugging along with my job search and I think I have some potentials. I will feel better going back to work again, since I'm geared up and ready to go.

Other than that, things have been quiet on the home front. We seem to have switched roles, and I get up early and they all sleep til noon. So I have some quiet time to myself, which is always nice.

We went back to school shopping in the city, which I wasn't prepared to do this soon, but with this year round school, we had no choice. I just hope the kids like their new school and make friends, because we aren't moving again.