I am not implying she is any more morally loose than the rest of us. Let’s be honest, I would probably have slept with every one she did, with the exception of Taylor Lautner, because he looks like my son Taylor….and he’s like 15 years younger than me, but that’s besides the point.
I really do not like this girl. Although I am not a fan of country music, or sugary-blond teen idols, it has nothing to do with her singing. She’s a fair singer. Better than Enrique Iglesias, which I can’t even figure out how he got a signing contract, but not as good as Mariah. I was probably the only asshole laughing when Kanye West cut her off at the Grammys. (I don’t really like him either, but it’s because he is a preppie college boy, not a true street thug. I’m going for realism here, people. )
Part of why I don’t like her is that she is fake as shit. She is no country bumpkin…NOOOOOOO way. In fact, she grew up with every one of her little, pink, bubble-gum whims being catered to. She had lessons in everything you could imagine. Singing, dancing, basket-weaving (just a guess)…her relatives owned the land on which King of Prussia Mall now stands. This was no poor bitch.
I also don’t like her because she’s a moron. If you are going to date Joe Jonas, you better take it for what it’s worth. This dude is at the foothill of mountains of male-whorism. He’s young, adorable, rich, and girls mail him their panties. Do you really think he’s going to settle down and date you for 6 years, a la Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens? I mean, she’s got nice hair and all, but her face bothers me. It’s too thin.
If you are going to date a male superslut, ie: Joe Jonas or John Mayer, you better ask somebody. You are not going to change them. They are just going to use you and throw you away for the next hot starlet. I want to smack anyone who dates John Mayer. He’s not that hot, and his head is the size of my torso. And he reminds me of someone who would have chronic halitosis.
So when I saw the covers of the magazines that she was devastated because Jake Gyllenhaal broke up with her, I wanted to vomit a little in my mouth. Jake is pretty hot. But he’s older and he’s rebounding from his breakup with Reese. I want to pull Taylor to the side, and say, “Look, I understand you thought you were going to have babies and get a picket fence with him, but for chrissakes, you’re 12 and he’s already got chest-hair! LOTS of it.” (I bet it flutters in the wind if your breath were to cross it while laying across his chest. Like a grassy meadow.)
I’m just sayin, the “little girl who keeps getting rejected by all of Hollywoods male celebrity” act needs to stop. I would have so much more respect for you if YOU would be the one to break a few hearts instead of always playing the victim.
And now I am going to go duct tape my mouth shut for wasting a post on Taylor Swift. I read about 30 magazines while I was away.
Hole crap, thanks for the morning laugh! My job super sucks right now and reading about whiny Taylor was better than coffee -which I've given up for lent.
ReplyDeleteagree with all points except she really IS that kind of ho anyway!
DeleteLol I am not a fan either...and the part about John Mayer...perfect.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laugh - there is a little bit of the victim thing going on, isn't there? Although I have to say I like to hum to her music and she's got more class than Brittney or Lindsay.
ReplyDeleteI have always thought she was fake as well and not really that great a singer. They awarded her with way too much to soon. We need a break from her.
ReplyDeleteYou made my morning. Just saying. I can't really stand her and I think she kind of looks like a demented cat. I mean really, look at her. I use the word demented because I seem to like cats, so I hate saying she looks like a cat because well...that wouldn't be very nice to the cat species now would it?
ReplyDeleteI laughed. A lot. And to me, that sort of behavior screams "lack of confidence" or "no self-esteem."
ReplyDeleteI have never seen an actual interview with her where she ever played the victim. Actually, when it's *her* talking and not sleazy reporters who are trying to sell magazines full of drama, she is very mature & open about her relationships. I think she is the new Jen Aniston- a female with multiple short term relationships that the media is committed to making seem desperate in order to get rich.
ReplyDeletei cannot say that i'm a fan either, although i can't say that I don't like her really
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHA, I don't agree with you one bit but this post is hilarious and clever!! I must give you credit. I didn't like her at first, I thought she was mousy, and in all honesty many girls make dumb decisions and date dumb guys that they later think, "WTH was I thinking?!" but the beauty in it for her is she creates great lyrics and I loved her last album. Yes, her vocals aren't very strong, but I give her respect for writing so honestly and putting it all out there.
ReplyDeleteI wish Matt had chest hair that fluttered in the wind, but he shaves everything... TMI?!
I don't know any of these people, and you're still hilarious.
ReplyDeleteEditors Note:
ReplyDeleteI really don't like Taylor Swift. This was not a case of me "talking out my ass". However, I am intrigued that so many people come to her defense. Someone proposed that she may actually purposely dating these men so that she CAN gain sympathy from the media/public, whilst being morally loose. However, I think thats giving her too much credit.
Peace.
I agree with you - she's getting a little too familiar with playing the victim all of the time. Look at the song she has written for John Mayer... completely pathetic and desperate. I'm not a fan of her music, and quite frankly I don't even think she's pretty (country singers usually are gorgeous). Oh well... :)
ReplyDeleteThank you! Finally someone else doesn't buy the innocent act Taylor Swift plays. Apparently everyone else I know thinks she's an angel. And you're so dead on about John Mayer...he looks totally disgusting and foul!
ReplyDeleteI literally thought I was the only one who disliked Taylor Swift. I'll give her credit for writing honestly about her feelings, but her "I'm always the victim" perspective on life proves she has very little maturity for her age. True she has poor taste in guys, but I can't stand people who play innocent and badmouth others without examining themselves as well. Does the public really not catch on? It truly baffles me. Taylor is seen as the classy angel because she doesn't dress slutty or do Lohan-like things in public (good for her), but from day one I found her very fake and vindictive. I'm not a particular country music fan, but take Carrie Underwood for example, she is so much more down-to-earth and genuine in comparison, and a much better singer at that, but she's less popular because she doesn't churn out songs about breakups every six weeks. I'm just wondering how long can Taylor Swift write these songs without being viewed as the source of her own problems. There will be a time when she's 30 and when a much higher level of maturity and self-examination will be expected from her, especially when she is considered a "role model" for young girls these days.
ReplyDelete