A birthday party kind of mood...

I'm goin' home, yo.

I leave tomorrow to head to good ole Lancaster, PA for the weekend. It's the last time I see my family before we head cross country to San Francisco.

It's also my brat's birthday (Gavin), aka: My Payback. He's already had two birthday events..one being a birthday dinner in St Lucia with a cake, since Andy is gone for the 5th year in a row. And then his sleepover last weekend, of which the effects are still, well...effecting me. This kid is milking it too. He know what cards to play when it comes to "my daddy missed my birthday again." I think at this point, we can all agree that a normal birthday is without Daddy, so give it up, kid.

This weekend, we are going to my grandparents house and my cousins are coming. And we are having ANOTHER birthday party for him. He will be thrilled at the propect of multiple presents, since mostly it involves birthday cards in the mail, and nothing to open in person. It will be great to see everyone before we go...undoubtedly, we won't be home for a while.

I never seem to have time when I go home to see my friends. I would love to go see one of my best friends, "Waif", as I have called her since high school. But she's another two hours from my moms, and its pretty much a whole day event to drive down and back. It really sucks that we can't see each other more often, but most of my best friends have no kids or little kids and no money. Now I am in the stage I can laugh at them because my kids are old enough to amuse themselves and I have a fair amount of boredom because they also do chores. I can start living again!

Moving across the country again reminds me of when I first left home to get married at 19. A week after my wedding, Andy came up to move our mismatched things down to our humble abode on Ft Benning. My best friends out in the yard of my parents house, saying goodbye. We cried like we were dying. I've always had a flair for the dramatic. Poor Andy must have felt like an asshole...lol. Taking me away from the life and people I knew to move to GA with him and our two month old son.

Now I am moving out west. To a real city. With things to do every day, places to see. Something to experience, other than people going in their pajamas to the grocery store. And I am moving to two of the best friends I have, which I never thought would happen again.

But I feel guilty leaving my family. (Damn conscience.)

My grandparents won't fly. This probably bothers me the most, since they are getting up there in age and I love them to death. My grandfather had a quadruple heart bypass last spring, and I was by his side for a week. They have to be a priority to me to come home to see regularly.

My sisters are starting their families. I don't want to miss my nephews and niece's adoption. But I don't think that realistically, we will be able to fly back as soon as this summer. Births, I will be home for. I will not miss those.

My parents are on their own. After two years of living with me, my dad is moving back to PA. It's like they are just starting over again with life, by themselves.

I hate to leave them.

But I know I have to. I knew from the time I was about 10, that I would need to go far and away. I have that wandering spirit. That's why the military wife gig suits me. I need new things, new places, and new people. I take only the bare minimum friends with me...keeping in touch is hard and it's about quality.

Now I am kind of sad. But excitement reigns in my body. I am going to break it down.