I am "holding my gut-laughing".
My son obviously was digging around in his parents room, and found our little stash of "playtime enhancements". Instead of being eternally mortified, and horrified, he decided to take some of them in his room.
Which, in turn, actually gave Andy and I that horrified reaction, when Andy found them under his bed while cleaning. Not from being found out, because I don't care if my kids know that grownups can have a healthy sex life with "enhancements", but because we thought he might have tried to use them!!! (Shudder)
But I got him back, because I am sure he wasn't expected to be called out on it when he came home. His sun-speckled face looked even more ruddy when I asked him why he was digging around under my bed. He tried so hard to keep a serious, straight-lined mouth when he realized what I was talking about.
And then I giggled, and then he did.
Oh, the fun times in parenting. At least when they were little, I could tell them my egg vibrator was a cat toy.
Now they know better.
Being a mother is so weird. I still can't believe I have kids. It seems unreal to have them, but unreal to imagine not having them. They've kinda grown on me.
I still feel like a teenager. Except for when I have to be in "grown up" mode. I would still be game for doing stupid, funny things, like tripping people in a club. I actually convinced a guy in some rave club that I was an honest to God Angel. The Angel Keri. I swear to God. I told him God sent me to tell him to get off drugs and pursue music as a career.
And did it with a straight face.
I also asked him what he was on, since clearly, no man wears his shirt unbuttoned to his belly button in an afterhours club unless they're tripping. He kept wanting to pet my hair.
I must have looked ethereal in the strobe lights that night.
I figured God wouldn't be mad, since I was using my powers for good, even though I was impersonating an angel. I don't remember ever hearing a golden rule or law in the bible about impersonation attempts being a sin. He's the dumbass that believed it.
There were also many people who wore medical masks that night. Which, you need to understand, I have never been, or not been in a LONG time, to a rave in a major metropolitan area.
My friend's first instinct is to protect her country friend from the city crazies. But I wanted to find out what the deal was, especially since we had time, after paying $90 for two Red Bull and Vodka's since it was after hours and illegal. Nasty tasting or not, I was getting my money's worth at 3am.
So I went out to smoke a cigarette, and asked a hairy, mask-wearing fellow what the deal was? I thought it was a drug thing. He said it was to protect them from the coming Pandemic that was going to end the world. And then he shook my hand when I told him my name. (Staci, is my bar name, since I wanted to be named that when I was a kid. Or Tori.) I found that to be even funnier that he shook my bare hand, and pointed out that if they are afraid of a Pandemic, why not wear protective gloves too?
I admit, I enjoyed the alarm I saw in his eyes.