Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Calling in fat today...

I am really glad I work from home.

Somewhere between March and June, I gained like 50 lbs. Which really sucks because I had lost that much and bought a bunch of skinny clothes that are now mocking me from my closet down the hall.

I hear them. It grates on my self-image. I feel disgusting for the first time since my tummy tuck a few years ago.

I can't win some days. I try to quit everything that I like. Smoking, eating, anti-anxiety medication. And it doesn't work, because I don't really want to quit.

And everyone feels the need when I bitch about my weight, to explain to me like I'm half-retarded, that I need to exercise.



X-ER-SIZE? What does that mean?
I dont care if you are my bff or my mother...if you tell me I need to exercise and watch what I eat, like I've been living in a cave and had no exposure to "healthy living" ideas and that bullshit food pyramid, I WILL bitch-slap you.

I know I am supposed to exercise. I just don't feel like it. Maybe you don't know, because you've never been fat, but the fatter you get, the HARDER IT IS to move. It's exercise for me to walk up a flight of stairs. And I am not even like, hugely fat.

And you think you have company in misery, and then everyone you know who was reliably fat with you goes and gets digestive surgery and loses all the weight.

It really pisses me off. Don't leave me in fatness alone! That means if I am fatter than someone who has ALWAYS been fat, then its like being picked last in gym class, and I have to exercise. Which means I have to quit smoking so I don't fall over when I lose my breath in five minutes.

Everything I knew to be true, was a LIE.


  1. Hey - dont worry - I exercise - run 3 times a week - run half marathons & I'm still fat... so at least you enjoy life a little more then me & still are smaller :) See? life aint that bad afterall :)

  2. Quiting smoking is not easy. I must have tried like 10 times. The e cigarettes seem to be helping.

  3. As the, said, BFF (Val)..and someone that gains weight when marathon training (it's not muscle people)...and someone that has struggled with my weight since I was 8 (unlike you, who was super skinny as a kid)...

    Sorry to rain on your pity party, but:

    1) The majority of people do not feel like excercising, but still do.

    2) You said, and I quote, "If I lived in SF, I'd do a half marathon with you.". Now you do, so start training, asshole.
    Additionally, you need to be able to do a 5k b/c the Hot Chocolate 5k is coming up, which sounds lovely, and b/c I'd like it if you could run me in on the last 3 miles b/c I think you are the only person I fear to not talk back to me and that could amuse me when I hate life.

    3) Jump on the band wagon and join Weight Watchers so we can you can bitch about the points with Michelle and I.

    4) Your metabolism is a mess from starving yourself to over eating. Excercise will help get it back to normal.

    5) We all know that we need to excercise more and eat less... it just sucks to do so/

  4. I hate when people give me obvious advice. You know what to do, it's just a matter of you doing it. When you're ready, you will. Me, I've started this HCG Liquid Amino diet with my mother and so far it's working. Sucks the first few days, though.