Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Right now...

Inwardly, I am rather inpatient to have this day over so that I can get some answers on pressing matters in my life. Outwardly, I'm quiet and pensive, which usually indicates stress. Why do I feel like every month that passes, there is a growing shadow? It's on my mind when I'm not even directly thinking about it. It's always there, lurking like an animal that's about to strike. I feel unprepared for whatever it is. But I've learned you can only prepare for the things you can anticipate. The unknowns are a lot harder to be ready for. I wouldn't say I am psychic, but I have a very accurate inner alarm that goes off right before something big is supposed to happen. It's like a balloon in my chest that keeps inflating until I feel smothered. It's a general feeling of intense anxiety, making the only way for me to truly ignore it is by occupying my mind with something that requires focus. Usually when I feel this much of it, it's imminent...within 24 hours. Maybe I will try to meditate. I watched a show last night that meditating and saying the word, "Peace" actually makes physiological changes in your body chemisty. I don't know when I started letting stress get to me. Oh, maybe I do. When I lived in GA. A mixture of friend stress and work stress. And both ended up being bad in the end. When I moved out to CA, the first two months were pretty awesome. I really didn't need anxiety meds, and I felt content. Now something is moving in, like a storm. I feel it so strongly that it's more than just something that will affect my life, but rather everyone in some way, or lots of people. I hope I am wrong, but whatever it is, is going to change some things. BIG TIME.

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