A New Hope

I really didn't mind driving from NY to CA as much as I thought I would. It gave me time for retrospection.

God knows it's been a long, grueling year.

It's been a year already, since the worst week of my life. I can't even say worst week, because it's an injustice for the pain, sleeplessness, worry and agony I felt for the last year. Only in the past two months have I started to come back to myself again. I spent most of the year in a deep depression. I stayed in bed whenever possible. I found it hard to let my smile reach my eyes.

And then suddenly, I woke up again. I decided to fight it. I don't know that I can say it was just time, or the drugs my new Dr gave me, but probably a combination of both.

I had everything left up in the air with my life. There was certainty nowhere. Where we would live when my husband is out of the Army, what our finances will be, what will happen with us?

Within three weeks of deciding I was going to make my dream of moving to CA happen, I had a job. And a month later, here I am.

I packed up all my clothes, shoes, jewelry, toiletries and a tv and air mattress, and drove across the US, listening to the soundtrack of my life, courtesy of iPhone/iTunes.

I got married and had kids before I even knew what I was going to do with my life. I met Andy 3 months after high school graduation. And then it was kids and military that dictated my life.

Now I am dictating my life. Finally, at 32. I have a wonderful job that I am so excited to start Monday, and I get to work from home. I have a beautiful 5 bedroom house, even if it is currently mostly empty, since I have to wait until my family moves after the kids are done with school. I have an office, a shoe/accessory closet (another dream of mine...lol) and my own walk-in closet for my clothes. I finally have a guest room. And I live near my two best friends since childhood.

And what makes it special? That it's mine. It's my accomplishment. It was my goal and I made it happen. And it's on my dime. I am the breadwinner now...or soon will be. That makes me financially independent. It doesn't make a difference who makes the money until you find that you are stuck making decisions based on your own financial gains.

Sure, it's mildly terrifying...as was driving through the mountains of Tahoe and it's windy roads, and then hitting Sacramento at rush hour.

But I did it. Even if it was with the help of my GPS.

And today I woke up in my new house and found my way to Target and back without the GPS.

I am happy. I still don't know what the future storm will leave in its aftermath. But I have faith that I will get through it.

I heart CA. I am a happy cow.