Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Hostage by pregnancy

Seems like I missed the baby bandwagon, since everyone I know has baby fever. They are trying to get pregnant or they are pregnant. I don't have any desire to have another baby at all.

I just feel left out and shriveled up inside, like spoiled fruit.

Pregnancy is a lonely time. No drinking or smoking, which in itself is reason enough for me to not want to experience it again. I find Iake decisions based on my ability to be able to handle my issues with a nice glass of Pinot. You call it a drinking problem, I call it coping mechanism.

Potato, Patata.

It also makes you do weird things, like crave unnatural things. When pregnant with my second child, I craved toilet paper and tissues. Fucken weird, but don't judge me. My pregnant sister asked me to buy her a bag of goldfish cracker last weekend, which I find equally disturbing as wanting to eat paper. "The snack that smiles back."

You don't find that crazy? I don't want a face on ANYTHING I eat. You don't go to the animal farm and share meanful glances with your soon to be cheeseburger, do you? My relationship with my food is cordial, at best. Thank you for your contribution to my weight gain, high cholesterol and five minutes in fatty heaven.

I also find that the world sucks when it comes to getting pregnant. Why do people who have no business reproducing have no issues getting pregnant, while good, stable people try and try?

I will tell you why...
Natural selection.

The world needs weak individuals who won't make it to control the population. Sometimes you are just too special to produce multiple baby geniuses to run the planet. Case in point, most reality tv stars. Who would we laugh at on Worlds Dumbest Criminals if there were no poorly bred fools?


  1. I personally enjoy a face on my food...case and point..."I like the cow brought to my table, I'll carve off what I want and ride the rest home...dum da da dum da da dum"....thank you Dennis Leary..."we love you you giant fuckin "Q"." memories!!

  2. I'm right there with you. I have no desire for more children. No, I don't want to try for a girl. There's a chance she'd be autistic too. I already have 2 on the spectrum, and while I love my boys, I don't feel the need to kill the last 2 brain cells I have banging around my head by adding a 3rd child tyvm.

  3. I have way to many friends who are "knocked Up" as well- I wonder if it means I need to make some friends more my age-LOL No more kids for this girl for sure! I love my sangria a little to much!

  4. Keri, I feel like a late bloomer! All my friends are pretty much done having kids and here I am, just getting started! Talk about lonely and getting more unsolicited advice anyone could EVER want...


  5. It's Val:

    I too enjoy a face on my artificial food. I like goldfish, swedish fish and gummy bears.

  6. I hear ya, EVERYONE is pregnant, just had a baby, or is trying their little vagina out to have one... no thank you. I don't have one and rarely long for anything more than another puppy.

  7. This is very true. Especially since I am one of those people trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant.

    Capturing Life's Magick

    PS. I gave you a bloggy award on my blog.

  8. Ha! Ha! Ride the rest home! I totally remember listening to that CD!!!!!!