Epic failure...

I suck as a blogger lately.

I know. I own it. I've been too busy. I realized yesterday that I've only blogged like 4 times since New Years.

Sorry.

Its not that I am completely uninspired, rather that I am drained of all energy. Largely, it has gone in to work, due to my commute and scope of responsibility.

Also, I've started writing my book and have been trying this week to set aside time to go back and retell my story. It's very frustrating to write for 5 hours nonstop, and realize it amounted to 10 pages. It's going to be a battle for me to stick with it and commit to completing it. I lack discipline when it comes to writing an entire book. I'm at about 17k words, and by what I've researched, I need around 80k.

Okay, well that puts me at page 55, and where the hell is the other 200 pages going to come from???

This is why I never thought I would write a book. I like immediate gratification, and feel like I have enough in me to fill 8 books, but it's difficult to get it out in an outline, and then try to go back 15 years and fill in the story with greater detail.

But, I think I am on to something, so I need to let that motivation carry me.

I did enjoy watching "Vanderpump Rules" this week. I DVR'd the episodes and watched them, and it's so ridiculous to watch these idiots and over-inflated egos, as they work in a restaurant. You would think they are celebrities! It's like, "uh, you're a waitress, so get over yourself."

Most of my television watching is DVR'd so that I can catch up with things, because by the time I get home from work, I take my sleepy time pills and am out within an hour.

This week I also had an epic fail with the diet. I had three days of eating crap. So that's not exactly good either, and even though as of yesterday, I am back on the NutraSystem, I have yet to weigh myself since my collapse in to carb heaven.

I hate failing. Not that anyone likes it. But I think I expect too much from myself, and then am very hard on myself as a result. No one makes me feel worse about me than me. I've always said I am my own worst enemy.

Some things, I can let go and accept that it is what it is. But many other things, I completely over-analyze.

My mom asked me why I swear so much in my blog. As a person with a better than average vocabulary, I should find more profound words? I don't know. Sometimes there is no other word better than a good fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I could make it sound pretty, but if it requires a fuck, than its not best explained in a delicate manner. Words are words.

I went to a social media conference a week ago. You would not believe how many companies include a Social Media background check on you for jobs! How awful and intrusive. I think that should be illegal. If you are a performer on the job, are a solid employee and professional at work, than why on Earth do they have a right to dig in to your personal life?

I knew when I started blogging that this was a potential pitfall, but I also have come to the point in my life that if they are the type of company that really nitpicks this much, they are probably assholes to work for. I want them to want to hire me based on my career experience and abilities, not if I post a picture of myself at a party, holding up a glass of wine. For God's sake, even if I was hanging off a stripper pole, that has nothing to do with who I am at work! Doesn't mean I am an alcoholic. It means I have a life outside work, and the two don't interconnect. I doubt my clients are going to be googling me to find out who I am. That's what LinkedIn is for.

Violation of identity. It sends out the message, "we don't want you to have a personality, or influence." So if you want to work for that kind of company, it should send a message to you, the candidate, that they really don't give a crap about you.

For a person like me, I like to have a personality. I am in the business of "people". Which means you have a honed ability to intuitively and adaptably conform to situations and people. Or you should, anyway.

You want me, or you don't. At least when people show their weaknesses, you know what you are dealing with and can determine how to attack it. You have no idea about them when you know nothing about their personal life. I think that's a much riskier issue.

Either way, I think it's bullshit. And that's about that.