Thursday, May 31, 2012

Everything is hatching! Springtime!

So, about 8 people I know, (really about 5), have had babies in the past two months.

I know, I've blogged about it before, all these 30-somethings having babies, and my uterus is just sitting here empty.

I am so not complaining about that.

In fact, I may put it on Ebay. Why the hell not? I have no use for it. If a surrogate can get $20k to carry one baby, I could probably fetch a cool $50k for mine.

The ad would read:

"One sexy bitch of a uterus for sale. Accessory tubing optional, as well as pain in the ass monthly period. Slightly used, but still highly effective. "

What else is hatching, you ask?


I had to have a pest control service come, since we live next to a field on one side. They have these mini-cockroaches outside here. I say mini because if you ever live down south, you would laugh at these pint-sized things. I told the Orkin man that they are a joke. But there is also earwigs here, which freak me the fuck out. I don't like the idea of any bug that implies they will crawl in your ear, lay eggs, and hatch 8000 babies in your skull.

I'm gagging at the thought.


I also have this little dog...Berkeley, my Choodle or Poohuahua. She is a mulch-magnet. It clings to her and then I have to go through the house picking it up. Other annoying habits include her having to sit on my head when I sleep, her nasty puppy breath, and being afraid to go outside alone.

I am hoping that she migrates to sleeping with Andy or the boys, as they like animals that cuddle all night. I however, do not like to cuddle with ANYTHING all night, except my body pillow. I can tolerate an animal laying on me for about 5 minutes, and then off it goes. I am also hoping that my two other dogs encourage her to go outside without me present. Maybe she will feel security in a pack. I am also thinking that we are going to have to declaw the crazy ass sadist cat we have, because she will beat the pulp out of this harmless little creature. And my curtains.

I've been house-ridden for the past two weeks. Mostly because I have to be on a tight budget til my family arrives. They leave NY next Friday. And then it's time to go do fun stuff.

I can hardly wait.

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