Home is Where the Heart Is...kind of.

An update on my "Situation":
I went back to the dentist yesterday afternoon, after I was pushed to the point that I "yelled" obscenities at my facebook status because of my pain level. He did shove more of that nasty gauze down the hole, but it does feel better now. He also refilled the Motrin and the Perc's. ;)
I'm using them sparingly because they make me feel itchy, like a crackhead. Also because when Andy had his vasectomy 11 years ago, he was on them for a month and starting repeating himself heavily...so I know they are pretty potent.

Andy and I are going to PA tonight by ourselves, but it's not a fun trip. I wrote a post last week about organ donation, inspired by one of my best friends mothers who was suffering from liver failure and needed a donor. Unfortunately, she passed away last Friday, so we are going home to attend her funeral and to be there for my friend. Even more reason to get out and do something to help someone else.

I am a horrible smart-ass. (gasp, followed by shock and awe)
I make fun of people sometimes and enjoy it. Okay, I make fun of people A LOT and enjoy it. But I don't target those who genuinely have a problem...I'm not a total jerk. I usually make fun of stupid people who should know better. In spite of my mean girl-ness, I am a really super nice person. I try to avoid confrontation, mostly because if I ever did have to throw it down, I would seriously hurt someone. (Hold my errings.)I am not opposed to physical violence...ask my younger sisters how I used to beat the crap out of them growing up. But people who know me really well always say I am "too nice" and I let people have too many chances. Because I make so many snide remarks and mean commentary, I feel like I have to do nice things for people that are less fortunate. So I volunteer when I can, go on shopping sprees for the local Food Pantry, and I have even paid for a strangers gas when their credit cards was declined. I figure that even though life sucks ass sometimes, I have it pretty damn good and with that, a responsibility to pay it forward. That is probably the ONLY reason I sleep at night. That and the Percs.

Anyway, this weekend I am spending time at my sisters house. She just turned 30 and has 3 foster kids. I love watching her direct the chaos of having kids. I can't help it. It makes me smile. I love the kids, and I get to spoil them rotten by getting them a slime-making kit. I figure I should spend as much time with them as I can before we move far away. I am also looking forward to some PA Dutch cooking and the delicious things I can't find anywhere else. I will probably gain 10 lbs being home (just driving in to Lancaster County adds 5) and then I will have to starvation diet for the next 3 weeks to fit in my new Victoria's Secret Miracle Bathing Suit for my vacation to St Lucia-where I just found out I can take my laptop because it has Wifi, and post pictures to make you all insanely jealous of me. I plan to be drunk all week, so I'm sure it will be interesting. ;)

Hope you have a great weekend! Next week, I will actually be posting some things that have useful content, rather than my narcotic-induced rants.

Dude, I need to lay off the Perc's

And so, 6 days after my wisdom teeth came out, I finished the last of my Percocet. (sniffle) It was great going to sleep, feeling like I was floating...not overanalyzing the day I have had. And NO PAIN. Oh yeah...I better update you on that:

So I was having a little bit of pain on Tuesday in my jaw. Not what people describe dry socket to be like...just a dull ache, which was what I had assumed I would feel all week. So I figured since I had to go back to work Wednesday after lounging in bed for 4 days straight, I would get a visit in with the dentist to confirm it WASN'T dry socket. Well, he said it was, and shoved this clove-tasting gauze down in the socket. It didn't hurt, just tasted horribly nasty and I thought I was going to ralph. When Andy got it shoved down his tooth hole, it made him feel better immediately. It has made absolutely NO difference in how my jaw feels AND the dentist didn't give me an antibiotic, which is leading me to believe that I have an infection, NOT dry socket. (Don't you like the way I diagnose myself? Damn WebMD!)

So I am going back today after work to have them pull this gauze out and undoubtedly stuff more back in. My life doesnt sound so glamorous today, huh? All this, and it's still not as bad as I thought it was going to be, so I can't really complain about it.

But back to the Percocet...so I had this cracked out dream that I was trying to call my mom on this retro cordless phone that had an antenna like 2 feet long, and J-Lo was there, bartending but she refused to perform "Jenny on the Block" for us, her long-time, barmate friends, and it really upset me. After all, what is the value of being BFF's with J-Lo if she won't perform her music/dance numbers for you? I also wanted to try on her Versace dress from the P. Diddy Era, but it wouldn't even fit in my dreams. I can only assume J-Lo being in my dream is a reflection of the one haphazard episode of American Idol I unfortunately watched last week. As for the old-ass cordless phone, I am guessing this has something to do with me being attached to my Droid 24/7 lately. It's got something new to play with every day. It's so much better than my Blackberry was. I actually "peeped" from my phone last night for the first time. I keep wanting to type "peed" though. I think I like "tweeted" more.

I am hoping the Dr gives me some more Percocet...and it's not completely lost on me that a drug addict would say the same thing. lol. Honestly, I don't think it would make a difference because my jaw hurts the most while I am at work, and taking narcotics at work is generally frowned upon...At most of the jobs I've had anyway.

Andy and I are headed to PA for the weekend, ALONE...SANS CHILDREN. Which is a good thing, since last night he grounded Gavin for 4 weeks for back-talking. It started with a week, and then Gavin kept going so Andy kept going. I explained to Gavin this morning, the finer points of winning an argument with his father, and that he was not going to EVER win by challenging him. Andy's like a bull...when you challenge him, he sees red and has to charge. I also told Gavin that I could be a powerful and mighty ally to have when he is a teenager, and that I could be "bought" for a price. (I figure if I get in there now, I can profit off this.)He mostly looked confused, as is the case at 6am. Shit, it's 9:15am and I still look confused. Did I mention I've been taking Percocet this week?

Have an awesome Thursday.

If they’re called “Wisdom Teeth”, why the hell do they pull them out???

I am terrified of the dentist.

It’s not that I don’t like getting my teeth shining and fresh. It doesn’t bother me at all to get the cleaning and exam done. It’s the possibility of something being wrong that I don’t like.

I loved my dentist as a kid...Dr. Miller. This guy was born to work with kids. He had cute murals all over the office of The Muppets and Sesame Street characters with teeth. There were toys to play with, and at the end of the visit when your mom was checking out at the counter, you got to pick a prize from the treasure box. (I would appreciate a treasure box every now and then. It’s these things you miss as an adult.)
Then it all changed.

I had to go to an orthodontist in about 4th grade to get a retainer. Dr. Long. This guy thought he was quite a stud. He only hired attractive young women…a bevy, if you will…seeming to serve his every whim and desire. His shirt was unbuttoned to his hip, and through his sea of wavy chest hair, gleamed a gold pimp chain. And he had caps, I think. I remember always thinking that his teeth were so white and straight that they looked like those wind-up, clapper teeth. This image still scares me. (Shudder.) His daughter went to high school with me. I always felt bad for her that her dad was such a skeeve.

Anyway, I went through about 6 retainers because I was/am ADHD and kept throwing them out on my lunch tray at school. I was a kid…Jesus Christ!!! What did you think was going to happen, MOM? My parents and I spent their 10th wedding anniversary digging through the dumpster at my school, looking for one of them. Gag. Number one, if my sons need a retainer, it’s getting cemented in to their heads. Two, it was like $50!!! I am not digging through a dumpster again.

Then I had braces for 3 years, through Jr. High and my freshman year of high school. 3 F&*$-in YEARS!!!! Only to have my wisdom teeth grow in and make them crooked again! What, did you not SEE on the XRAYS that there wasn’t enough room??? And now I have to have two of them filled Friday (I have NEVER had a cavity) and the other two pulled out in January. Without being knocked out. Oh, I asked. I am a nervous wreck. (P.S. I called my dentist to ask if they at least had laughing gas, and THEY DON’T! So I pussed out and scheduled the removal at an oral surgeon so they can just knock me out.)

To make matters worse, Andy got 3 of his pulled last week, and spent most of Monday drooling blood on my bed. I went home at lunch to check on him and give him fresh bags of ice, but he was passed out and the bags wouldn’t stay on the sides of his face. I was half-tempted to duct tape around his head. My only consolation was that he forgot he had heart-monitor sticky things stuck to his chest and stomach until the next day, so it was fun to watch him try to pull those off…and of all nights, I flung my arm back in my sleep and punched him in the face. Lol. He woke me up to yell at me, to which I ignored and went back to sleep. I feel bad now. (Kind of.) (P.S.#2 Andy had to go to the dentist again today due to immense pain over the weekend and he has dry socket.)

But the army even had the decency to knock him out. The timing couldn’t have been worse to make me even more anxious about my cavities. I am seriously considering calling my Dr and asking for a valium.

I hate Dr. Long.