Thursday, July 14, 2011

And I wonder why I have bad karma?

DISCLAIMER: I am going to start this post about one topic, and then, in true female fashion, randomly switch to a completely separate issue. Just warning you, if you have a need for rational and well-organized thought.

I think deep down, I am a mean-spirited person. I have good intentions, and I do like to root for the underdog, but it doesn't prevent me from laughing at other people's expense.

I figure I am owed that much, since my life provides an endless source of entertainment for others.

I love watching people trip and fall. Of course, you always have to follow this kind of statement with "as long as they are not seriously injured" to be considered politically correct. But the worse the fall, the harder you laugh. It's just considerate to stop and ask, "Are you okay" BEFORE you laugh.

I love watching TOSH.0 on Comedy Central. I have no idea whether Daniel Tosh is gay or straight, but he is sexy as hell either way, because he is politically uncorrect and hilarious. If you can't laugh at this show, then something is seriously wrong with you.

This week, he featured a kid who farted on the bus, and it was a major news story in his local area, because the bus driver told the kid if he farted again, he would be banned from the bus.


Not to get all paranoid and make people think I am about to grow out my armpit hair and start a militia in Montana, but I am starting to have some serious concerns about the brain-washing of America. We are completely indoctrinated from childhood, that we are free in the US.

I call bullshit.

In America, you can get arrested for things you say, even if there is no action or intent to commit an act. You can't say the word "bomb" on an airplane, or 15 plastic spork-wielding passengers will jump you as an air marshal kicks your face in.

You can not be discriminated against legally for ethnicity, religion or sexual orientation, but you can be discriminated against for being stupid or fat. Where is the fine line?

You can't put money in a foreign bank account without it being reported to the IRS. Even if you are a dual citizen. Both countries of citizenship have the right to tax you, even if you don't set foot in the US for 30 years.

The US can watch you where ever you go. They can track every movement you make digitally. I find this incredibly terrifying. I don't want the US government, or ANY government knowing everything I do. If I want to get on the phone and bitch to my friends about rampant diahrhea, I want to do it and know there is no one randomly tapping my phone.

People are convicted for crimes in this country that they didn't really commit, or even intend to commit. There are so many loopholes in the justice system that we think are good laws to protect us, until you get caught in one and it ruins your life.

When I was fifteen, my boyfriend was 18. We were both in high school. We had sex consentually. Now, that is a crime that could cause someone's life to be ruined, and labeled for the rest of their lives for something most of us have been a party to.

It's shocking. We think that if we are good, law-abiding citizens that nothing bad will really happen to us. But it's not the case.

I feel like I've been unplugged from the Matrix.

Back to my originally story...

How the hell do you ban a kid from a bus for farting? WHAT??? He didn't fart in someones face, or even try to fart the alphabet. HE JUST FARTED.

If I were on that bus, I would encourage a "Fart Coup" as retaliation. Organize every kid on that bus to eat a bean burrito and stink that bitch out.

And this goes back to my original statement, that because I am mean-spirited, I have bad karma as my reward.


  1. Holy god, all I can say is amen to all that. This has been one of my favorites thus far. Who doesn't like to see somebody fall on their face? Isn't that why Youtube was started? And farting is funny pretty much any way you serve it. Brainwashing? Yup, we totally are in the process of it all. Tosh.O, only seen him once and he is a smittenizing kind of fellow. And if he happens to wear lady panties or fancy a fellow, he is even cuter.

  2. Halarious and sadly true! Thanks for the laugh.

  3. It's Valerie:

    Greg and I discuss "Fart Wars". Someone initiates and the other retaliates. Who wins in Fart War? No one. Everyone loses. However, the only way to win would be to fart in an elevator, just before leaving.

    I saw Tosh live. He ran out of material, which was disappointing, and used stuff from his TV show. He was still funny.

    Sometimes I look around the plane to see if I can figure out the Air Marshall. I'm often looking for a Bruce Willis/ Vin Diesel look a like, as I'm corrupt from the movies.

  4. My FiL farts out of his mouth. I think his internal organs are rotting in there it's so bad. I wish I could ban him from whatever vehicle we are in the next time he does that.

  5. I LOVE Tosh!! I'm pretty sure he's totally straight. :)

  6. I think there is a difference in being mean spirited and just wanting fairness and normal understanding in life. P.S. "In America, you can get arrested for things you say, even if there is no action or intent to commit an act. You can't say the word "bomb" on an airplane, or 15 plastic spork-wielding passengers will jump you as an air marshal kicks your face in. " made me really LOL.