Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Caught red-handed...

I stopped at home during lunch today to drop off a gallon of milk and six-pack of Smirnoff Mango (Don't judge me) and whilst coming down the street, who do I see but my 11-year old, happily riding his skateboard.

His friend tipped him off that my vehicle was coming...The old "Hey man...here comes your mom!!!"

Fortunately, Gavin had the common sense to know he had already lost the battle and just stopped and waited for me to pull up to him. Had he made me pursue him, there would've been far more severe consequences than what he is already in for. (I always think while watching "Cops" when they have to pursue a suspect on foot because he runs, that it is automatic grounds to taze the shit out of the them when caught, just for making the cop run.)

I pulled up next to him, opened my window and mustered up my best "pissed off mom" look, and told him to get in the damn car.

The child was already to be grounded today, since he kept me up half the night turning on his tv after he was told to go to bed. But they are most definitely NOT allowed outside if I am not home.

Now I have to figure out how the hell I am going to punish him. It's times like this that the good old days of corporal punishment are missed. When I was a kid, I feared my dad. He wasn't a bad dad, nor did he "beat" me. But when my mom said that HE was going to handle my punishment, I spent the next several hours contemplating my own death.

Now you can't touch your kids, because they are so programed to dial "911" if you even pick up a wooden spoon. They know they have your balls in a vice, and you can't spank them.

Other than grounding him from everything he owns, doing chores and not allowing him to go outside (otherwise known as punishing myself), there really aren't many checks and balances to parenting. This has allowed the last generation to lack the proper motivation to do what is right, because there are no real consequences.

I wish I had the money to take him to a third-world country, so he can see how children spend their day, toiling away to stitch together his DC hat and Old Navy T-shirts. No school, no fun, no tv, no video games.

We spend so much of our time taking the fear out of our children. Comforting them that, no matter what happens, they will be provided for in a safe, comfortable environment.

I think it's kind of bullshit.

All we are doing is shielding them from how horrible life really can be, and might very well be. We teach them how to use computers in school, but not survival techniques, such as how to build a fire or how to fish.

I want to raise men, not a bunch of pansy-ass, Abercrombie-wearing posers.

I think some alternative parenting is going to have to come out of the woodwork on this one.

Any thoughts?


  1. Ha. I strongly agree with you. I know I'll have some criticism on my beliefs, but what the heck. Parents complain about how today's children are rude, lazy and have no respect for anything, when ultimately it's us as parents who are letting it happen. Everything changed when these "Spanking your children is beating your children" parents came out. No, its not beating them, its discipline. At least I have the satisfaction of knowing my kid will have respect for others, know how to work their ass off for what they want, and have good morals. Don't feel bad Keri. Trust me, your not the only one out there that feels this way :)

  2. Juvenile told my wife & I "just don't leave a mark".

  3. My mother made us write essays. We wrote, she proof read, we re-wrote. An entire day could be spent writing those damn things. I haaaaaaaaated it. She enjoyed it immensely.

  4. Ok, so the third-world country's out. What about volunteering at a food bank or soup kitchen? Or a homeless shelter? Hubby and I have already discussed doing something like that with our daughter - when the time comes. Hope you find a solution!

  5. "I spent the next several hours contemplating my own death." Haha. You are funny. I would offer parenting advice, but I'm not a parent so it would probably just sound obnoxious.

  6. For an 11yo kid, a babysitter would be a fate worse than death. And if his friends found out???? If I could swing the money, or find a friend to do it for free, I'd get a babysitter AND ground him from everything because I'm fun like that.

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  8. You need therapy, and lots of it. I feel sorry for your kid...