I haven't worked the past two days. Had trouble getting out of bed. It wasn't any help that I have had a headache for three days straight. The more my anxiety goes up, the more medicine I take, the more tired and unmotivated I become.
It's like being in a coma.
Another interesting side effect of my medicine is that it is making me beat up my husband in my sleep.
(I found this slightly amusing too.)
Turns out that Zoloft can make you act out your dreams. Obviously, him staying in bed with me comes at great risk to his personal safety...and I respect that he is willing to take that chance in order to spoon. Hopefully for him, I don't do this very often...but it's nice to know I have the ability to scare him just a tad. Further encouragement to "walk the straight and narrow" or continue to sleep with one eye open.
I head to sunny California tomorrow, to attend one of my BF's bachelorette party. As much as I look forward to this weekend, it brings a lot of mixed feelings. How hard is it going to be to go to CA and know I should be living there right now? It's another reminder of the life I left behind when everything crashed down.
What I have to remember, is that I still have a life in front of me. It's just a different one. Different doesn't equal worse, it's simply "different." And they say that change isn't easy. So I just have to stay focused on the fact that even though I was dealt a crappy hand, it wasn't my last poker game. I will go on to win more and lose more.
It's so easy for my head to process this motivational speaker stuff...it's getting my heart to believe it that is tough.
Anyway...I fully intend to eat and drink heartily this weekend, and laugh until my face hurts. I really need it.