Wednesday, January 12, 2011

“That’s me in the spot-light, losing my religion”

Sometimes you get to a point in a friendship and have to decide whether or not it’s worth going forward, similar to a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Thankfully, I haven’t had to go through this much in my adult life. The nice thing about the military life is that the ones you don’t really care about that much just kind of fade off in to the sunset each time you move. Some you stay in contact with, but most fall by the wayside, and you float by yourself until you meet new friends at the next place.
I’ve found myself in that strange, friend-limbo lately.

I moved to NY, following one of my closest friends from GA. Andy worked with her husband and they liked to hang out, so a couple-match was made. Unfortunately, they ditched us in the cold, snowy tundra (guilt trip) and headed to warmer weather in NC. I was devastated, because I hate it here and because I was alone. I had no one to gorge on candy while watching Lifetime Movie Network with. It’s sad when you don’t have a friend close-by who knows you. Now she’s in Alaska. But we talk all the time.
My other best friends live in Cali and NJ, so I don’t get to see them often. That’s why we are hoping we get recruiting duty in CA. But these are people who know me since I was my sons age. They know every dumb thing I have ever done and STILL LOVE ME. But they never make me feel like I have to be something that I’m not. If we don’t agree, we don’t agree. But we aren’t afraid to say what we think.

Lately I’ve been friends with someone who doesn’t respect my opinions or how I choose to live my life. I can say black, and they will say white every time. I have had good times with them, but I think it’s time to say goodbye. Enough is enough when you feel like you are compromising yourself to be what someone else wants. A relationship with someone is not good for the soul when you have to “try”. I think the best friendships are effortless. Sure, there will be fights and disagreements, but it happens when you are vulnerable and care for someone. I battle with my mother and sisters all the time, but it’s always known that tomorrow, it will be like today never existed. Some people, you just click with. People will always have drama in their lives, because LIFE IS DRAMA. I prefer a dramatic life over a stagnant, boring one. This being said, there was no big fight…no argument. Just something that I have been thinking about for a while.

I don’t like when people act fake. And I don’t like it when they don’t say what they feel. And, I guess I prefer a lonely life over one where I have to compromise who I am. I am very different from my best friends and even my husband, for that matter. But it's those differences that round us out. Being lonely sucks...but feeling like I have to apologize for the way I live my life to someone who is supposed to be my friend, sucks way more. Sometimes I’m not willing to back down, and I guess this is one of those times. You just have to have faith when you end any relationship that there is a new one on the horizon, even better. I would give up a thousand friends if it meant I could keep the 5 that are the closest to me, or even the top 2. It's hard to make friends as you get older, because you are less likely to compromise yourself like you did when you were younger. I find that I am less of a "people-pleaser" and more of a "me-pleaser". Quality vs. Quantity.

Since I made the decision to let them go, I feel a sense of peace and that’s how I know it’s the right choice. And I am okay with that because it’s a journey and everyone I meet has something to contribute to who I am and who I become.


  1. So glad you got that one behind you and feel better about life.

  2. I hope you get some better friends soon! I'm in friend limbo right now too, and it can definately by hard.

  3. I to believe as I get Older that "me-time" is way more important then compromising how I live my daily life for others. I am not selfish at all- but sometimes you just have to know when to say UNCLE & move on. I hope you have your window open for the next friend to come through when you aren't looking!

  4. Love this post. How true better to be lonely and happy with yourself then feel like you are trying to keep the peace or always trying to please the other person. And you got to have that me time. You can't be a good mom or wife or whatever role you play if you don't have me time.

  5. I think being lonely and not stressed is way worth the trade. If the friendship IS worth some stress from time to time, then you know you have a good thing. In any case, I know there are some great people that I have yet to meet. Until then, I am stuck going to the "mandatory" FRG meeting tonight. (Damn it) LOL

  6. I too am in a friend limbo. She was my first friend in SF, but we've grown apart. I'm sick of trying and I'm sick of everytime I see her, she's a Debbie Downer. It's easier to break up with your man than your friends or your hair dresser.

  7. Amen, Sister. Everything you said hits home for me too.

  8. This is the first time that I have visited your blog. I loved this post and I can totally relate!

  9. Ditto Kendra.

    I went through something a lot like that in 2007...also just so happened to be when the hubs had left for a year. Yay for timing, right? Anyway, I'm much better for it and you will be, too. Best, Liz