Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Screw Yoga. And besides, I’m not that flexible anyway.

Maybe it’s because of my parents. Or maybe it’s because I DON”T drink enough. Either way, my life is not what you would call “balanced.” I don’t really know anyone whose truly is. There is always something missing in your life…something unattainable and teetering on the edge of “off”. 
I am a passionate person. I love hard, I play hard, I crash hard. I don’t believe in doing things halfway. If I am going to fail at something (which I have plenty of times) then at least I will succeed in failing. And I am okay with that, because I have realistic expectations about my life, and I know that shit is going to happen.
This being said, I am a horrible over-analyzer…to the point it gives me panic attacks. (Hence, the Xanax)
This is a recent gift that has been bestowed upon me, in the last, say, two years… pretty much since I moved to New York. It sucks. It feels like someone is sitting on your chest and you feel, well…panicky. What do I stress out about? All things that I have no control over..that’s why I am stressed. I have a certain amount of faith in my own abilities, and relatively none in anyone else. In the evening, I look forward to taking my Xanax and not stressing out. Have a cup of tea and just sit and relax.
My problem is that I have to stop taking it because I think it’s making me depressed. Well, that and the fact I am depriving my body of delicious things to eat that make me happy. Oh, and there could also be some residual effects from the fact I HATE where I live and it’s miserably cold, boring and dreary. I think that about sums it up. But I think it’s mostly the pills. It’s also made me have almost no desire to have sex, which, for me is highly unusual. So I stopped taking it about two weeks ago and am waiting for my internal fountain to spring once again. And I am going on vacation in approximately 2 months, and then I am moving somewhere where people can breed without medical approval…which will be a HUGE stress while it’s happening, yet relieving at the same time.
Until then, however, if I get one more person explaining the finer points of yoga, I swear I will do some ninja moves on your ass and help you find YOUR inner chi. My brain works too fast to meditate, I don’t look good in spandex and you can call it what you want, but it’s still exercise. You are fooling NO ONE! In the meantime, I will increase my alcohol consumption and sleep a lot.
I open my chakra’s with Mojito’s, baby.

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  1. I, too, will screw Yoga with you. That really sounds a lot dirtier than I meant for it to! Anyhow...I feel your pain. Here's to calmer, happier, and less snow filled days very, VERY soon! :)

  2. I will be so glad when you are away from that place so you can recover from what it has done to you. Hang in there girl, we are here for you.

  3. Well, each place we live gives us pros and cons. Our pro is that we were within a driveable distance from our family, which came in handy since Andy's stepdad passed away suddenly this year. There's a reason for each season. But I will be glad to thrive in the sunshine again soon!!!

  4. Keep your chin up and the drinks flowing you will make it!

  5. Love this Blog- I think my Chi is found in a good Reisling- not a Downward Dog!!

    Keep your chin up & hang in there!!

  6. Too funny. Yeah, yoga is definitely not for those of us with active brains. A friend of mine organized a yoga class for a few of us moms who went on a retreat-type cruise with her and after the class was over she asked, who was in the back snoring? Uhh, that would be me. I told them don't sign me up. I knew I was gonna fall asleep. And I could care less that the teacher was annoyed.LOL!
    Do you, girl.

  7. Love that last line! I think you need some of my mojito cookies to help with your chakras! ;)

  8. lol, what a great way to open your chakras! Mojitos are my hubs personal fave :) I used to suffer from chronic anxiety and panic attacks, never used meds though (part of my anxiety was being afraid to take ANY meds).. but I did do therapy... it really helped! I've been panic free for years now and it didn't involve yoga or meditating.. just delving deep into the issues of life that we all have... good luck with it!! xo