Oh Crap! I think I’m going to hell. (As if this is surprising news)

I would like to believe that, above all else, God has a sense of humor. If he/she doesn’t, I am royally screwed. How can he not, though?…he invented the penis.

Anyway…I spend a decent amount of time on BlogFrog, checking people out who have similar interests as mine so I can find other blogs to read. One of my blogger pals, Madge is a Mom, did a post on how she was doing a bloghop by clicking “Next” on the Blogger screen and going from blog to blog and her shock at how many people have religious blogs.

I have to say I agree. When I look at member lists of people who are on Blogfrog, it gives an opportunity for them to write a blurb about themselves. When I sit down to write a paragraph about myself, God doesn’t seem to ever enter my mind, and perhaps that’s a reflection of my self-absorbed nature. But it’s not that I am not spiritual. I grew up going to church every Sunday. I stopped completely in my adult life (add it to the list of bad parenting practices) but more out of being utterly exhausted and needing my Sundays to lay in bed and complain that I have to go back to work the next day. But I believe in God. I believe in Christianity, but I believe a little bit of all religion is true. Personally, I think they are all the same thing fundamentally, with cultural changes.

But I find myself rolling my eyes when people put on their profiles, “I am a child of God, the Father Most High,” and then have a picture of themselves with their knockers hanging out and covered in tattoos. (That is not a knock on tattoos…I also have them.) Somehow, I don’t think you are going to church like you portray you are, and I’m pretty sure Jesus was the only man alive that didn’t love Hooters like most men do. If you love God, shout it out and be proud, sure. I am not the type to go knocking down doors in the name of religion at THIS point in my life, however I’m sure if the Rapture happened, I would be singing a different tune. I’m just saying don’t be blogging about your crazy drinking habits and party animal behavior, and then be spewing the “Saved” speak. It really lessens the value of religion for those who live a well-behaved life, and it’s false advertising about your blog content.

Screw Yoga. And besides, I’m not that flexible anyway.

^{Maybe it’s because of my parents. Or maybe it’s because I DON”T drink enough. Either way, my life is not what you would call “balanced.” I don’t really know anyone whose truly is. There is always something missing in your life…something unattainable and teetering on the edge of “off”.} 

^{I am a passionate person. I love hard, I play hard, I crash hard. I don’t believe in doing things halfway. If I am going to fail at something (which I have plenty of times) then at least I will succeed in failing. And I am okay with that, because I have realistic expectations about my life, and I know that shit is going to happen.}

^{This being said, I am a horrible over-analyzer…to the point it gives me panic attacks. (Hence, the Xanax)}

^{This is a recent gift that has been bestowed upon me, in the last, say, two years… pretty much since I moved to New York. It sucks. It feels like someone is sitting on your chest and you feel, well…panicky. What do I stress out about? All things that I have no control over..that’s why I am stressed. I have a certain amount of faith in my own abilities, and relatively none in anyone else. In the evening, I look forward to taking my Xanax and not stressing out. Have a cup of tea and just sit and relax.}

^{My problem is that I have to stop taking it because I think it’s making me depressed. Well, that and the fact I am depriving my body of delicious things to eat that make me happy. Oh, and there could also be some residual effects from the fact I HATE where I live and it’s miserably cold, boring and dreary. I think that about sums it up. But I think it’s mostly the pills. It’s also made me have almost no desire to have sex, which, for me is highly unusual. So I stopped taking it about two weeks ago and am waiting for my internal fountain to spring once again. And I am going on vacation in approximately 2 months, and then I am moving somewhere where people can breed without medical approval…which will be a HUGE stress while it’s happening, yet relieving at the same time.}

^{Until then, however, if I get one more person explaining the finer points of yoga, I swear I will do some ninja moves on your ass and help you find YOUR inner chi. My brain works too fast to meditate, I don’t look good in spandex and you can call it what you want, but it’s still exercise. You are fooling NO ONE! In the meantime, I will increase my alcohol consumption and sleep a lot.}

^{I open my chakra’s with Mojito’s, baby.}

I was nominated on Babble's Top 50 Mom Blogs List. So pretty please take two minutes and click here: http://www.babble.com/babble-50/mommy-bloggers/nominate-a-blogger/index.aspx then scroll down to "Glamorous Life" and click on the "like" button.
Thanks a bunch!