Just want everyone to know that I am definitely the "real me" right now. A completed unadulterated me. Its freeing. It makes me feel good. I have nothing to lose. That puts me in a power position, and it IS empowering. I know so many women who feel lost and weak in this situation. I was afraid I would be like that too, but somehow, I have been the complete opposite. I lost a part of me, but I gained back part of the "me" that motherhood and marriage take away. I know you women understand what I am talking about. I have that back!!! That part is WONDERFUL. I am not afraid anymore. I am not afraid of the worst possible thing I can imagine happening to me because it happened and I survived. There is a strength in that that words cannot express or explain.
I SHOULD be a crying mess right now. But I am not. I laugh every day at something. Many things. I laugh at the irony of my situation. Because it's funny. And it IS ironic. And it's mindboggling and confusing.
Whether or not I stay married to him isn't my top priority right now. I have plenty of time to leave him. Right now is about learning about myself. Right now, I am being selfish. I definitely feel my anger (wrath is a more appropriate term) but I am not acting destructively with it because that would just NOT be good for anyone. lol.
What I do in the future has so little to do with him, and so much more do with me. Regardless of his actions, HE is still the same person. I have a lot more introspection to do to decide what I really want from my life. I have big choices to make. But I am not doing any of that now, because with time comes clarity. There are things that I don't see right now, and I know that. So I am preparing for any scenario and waiting until I can make the right choices.
My motivation for putting this out on the web for people I don't know is that I am a survival story. If I can do this, then so can you. And not just facing infidelity...but facing life. Because LIFE SUCKS SOMETIMES. PAIN IS PAIN. And we will ALL face situations in our life that we don't know how we will ever breathe again. But you can. And you will. I am. Find the worth in yourself to make the choices that are best for you and make you happy. Because you have something special to offer the world. Everyone does. And no world would be better without you in it because you are different in many ways than anyone else and you are going to do something that changes the course of SOMEONE's history. Maybe it's your children, maybe its something you have left to do. But your life is powerful and significant, even when you feel like you are small. Don't ever forget that.