Thursday, May 12, 2011

Now I know why celebrities check in the hospital for exhaustion...

I am fucken TIRED.

Like, so tired I can barely move. I am looking so forward to Saturday so that I don't have to go to work, it's not even funny. I am normally a night person, who rarely goes to bed before 11-12 at night. Lately, I can't even make it past 10.

On an plus note, I ate a cheeseburger yesterday. It tasted good, and then kind of went downhill from there, BUT THE POINT is that I WANTED a cheeseburger. Me not wanting cheeseburgers is a sure sign of a catastrophic incident that is unprecedented.

What I really want is coffee...but that is a "no-no". My brain keeps telling my body "mind over matter", like it's in control, and my body keeps giving my brain the finger and saying "The Price is Wrong, Bitch."

I have enjoyment from several things...peace and quiet, hot showers, evil plotting, sleeping, certain shows on tv. But even tv and movies don't let me fully escape. Every damn show I turn on has something to do with infidelity. I just never noticed it before.

It's just another day. Tomorrow, I've survived 3 weeks since the "bomb" was dropped. Thats 3 weeks longer than I thought I was going to survive at the time.


  1. Maybe watch some Nick at Night- the Old TV shows that don't have all the garbage that is suppose to be considered "normal" now for marriages. Whose the Boss or The Facts of Life- I mean Tootie & Blair are always a hoot to watch. It's almost the weekend- hang in there.

  2. Stand strong! There is a certain healing in a hot shower, call it symbolic washing or just maybe the return to the warmth of the safe womb, whatever. Thinking of you and hoping for the best.

  3. I TOTALLY get what you're saying. Our exhaustion level is the true test of how we're mentally doing. We can carry on with all our usual bullshit, and think we're fine, but that exhaustion is our subconscious shouting: wake the fuck up! you are soooo not fine!
    As for the tv and movies thing? Holy shit, I am right there with you. Not long ago when I was so depressed I was just about suicidal (yeah yeah, if you read my first post, you know what I'm talking about...), every friggin' thing I watched on tv (including movies!) was either about suicide, or children whose parents had died and how awful their lives were without their parents. It was ridiculous.
    My husband and I would flip channels... and there it would be. And we'd share a look like it was some cruel joke. And we'd change the channel... and it'd be there again.

    It's almost like tv is an electronic rorschach test. It reflects back what's in your mind, forces you to see what you don't really wanna see.

    it's fucked up.

  4. Sometimes I honestly with we didn't even have a TV. About the only way to see something positive is only play movies you have. Try to find something that will be for you only like a massage, pedicure, etc. I just want you to start feeling good about you because we know you are worth it.

  5. I was barely 21 when I found out my mother was having an affair with my husband. I was pregnant and lost the baby two weeks later. I lost my entire family and my husband in one fell swoop. We may not know each other, but I understand where you are coming from right now. It is exhausting. It is hard work just surviving. When you come out on the other side what ever that ends up being for you you will one way or another be stronger and wiser yet a little less broken than you thought you'd be. My only advice might sound really lame but it is simply this just keep on keeping on its all you can do.

  6. Emotions are hard to carry around. They will make you weary. Its like walking thru quicksand. But listen to your body, you need to take care of yourself girlfriend. Stress and pain will tear your body down. I know from experience. After I lost my youngest, the pain and stress kept putting me in the hospital until I had a heart attack. TAKE CARE OF YOU, EAT, PAMPER YOURSELF ONCE IN AWHILE. TAKE A NAP. WHEN HUBBY IS HOME, YOU CHECK OUT AND TAKE A BATH, GO TO A MOVIE...AND DONT YOU DARE FEEL GUILTY! EVEN IF ITS JUST TAKING A FUCKEN CAR RIDE ALL ALONE AND JAM UP THE TUNES. Yes I was hollering, but I am in my 50s and I have learned my lessons the hard way. And I want you to take care of you! I want YOU to LOVE YOU enough to take care of yourself. We women always put others ahead of ourselves. We nurture everyone in our lives and put ourselves on the back burners, til we fall out. Am I right?? Hugs

  7. You need to look after you. If your body is telling you it wants something in particular you should have it, in moderation of course. Sleep have hot baths and relax. You are not in a rush to make any choices, what is right for you will come to you in time. Making decisions when you are tired or feel pressured will only make you feel worse in the end. The only person who knows what is right for you is you. Follow your heart as it knows what you need most. There is also nothing wrong with telling him how much you hurt and how much you need to gain back trust in your relationship. No matter what you decide to do it will not be easy. Always, always remember that you are a strong woman, stronger than you think, and you will get through this no matter what the ending is.

  8. How about some free Sweetslips to cheer you up??? send me a quick email and I'll shoot you over the code. chin up girl