Tuesday, October 25, 2011

What would've happened if I had changed one small thing?

With all the changes in my life, I've had a lot of strange dreams. I've also spent a ridiculous amount of time on Facebook, trying to locate a few people I used to know, and have always wondered what happened to them.

Like this guy my first year of college.

The minute I saw him, I was instantly attracted, and we got along like peas and carrots. We had a good chemistry too...like magnets. The downside was that he was still dating his high school girlfriend. I thought that it would be a matter of time before he realized that we were a better fit, but before that happened, I joined the Army Reserves, and after a week with no sleep because I was pledging a sorority, I was sick as a dog, and I had a huge fight with my parents, and just never went back to school. It sounds ridiculous now, but my parents actually came to my dorm in the middle of the night because I hung up on them (they lived two hours away), and I was humiliated. The stress of the sorority, making my drill weekend, and being exhausted just made me break. I was also to the point where I felt like I wasn't really clicking with anyone like my high school friends, and I had gone a little wild while I was there. So I felt like people had the wrong picture.


When I left school, I also left behind the chance to stay in touch with the dude. Imagine my surprise, when I find out he is living the life I had planned for myself. Would he remember me? Does anyone ever think about me and wonder what I ended up doing?

I'm not saying I regret the life I've had, but I wish I could have a dream where I could just see what would've happened if I hadn't joined the army, which was the day I met my current husband. I just want to see what would've happened, because that one decision changed the course of events of my life. I want to see if I made the right choice, because right now, I'm left unsure. My sons are the only reason I can justify the last 14 years of my life, and I'm determined that the next 14 won't be me giving up what I want to accomplish for someone else.

1 comment:

  1. One thing that we women tend to do, put every else's needs first..

    You just gotta put yourself first too. Its ok. Keep that in mind.