Wednesday, October 12, 2011

If it's Tuesday, this must be Belgium.

So, I know, I've been a bad blogger lately, and your life wasn't the same without my witty commentary while you ate eating your second breakfast/pretending to be working.

I feel ya.

I had some recuperating to do (depressive sleeping & watching DVR'd LMN) but I think I am back now. In the meantime, I had some funny comments posted to my blog in response to my blog post, "Taylor Swift is a ho." Apparently, they were either super mega fans of hers who want to wear her skin as a dress, or it was Taylor's publicist. I'm pretty sure it wasn't Taylor herself, because I don't think she can spell half the words that were in there. Either way, I was firmly told that I am a mean and hateful person due to the fact I am an ARMY WIFE.

Yes, it was written in big, accusing letters like that. Because ARMY WIVES are notoriously known for our lack of class, candor, and general likability when it comes to Taylor Swift. In fact, when you marry a soldier of any kind, we are issued handbooks on how to make fun of calf-like celebrities who pretend to be innocent and formerly poor and geeky, when they were actually one of the "mean girls".

Am I mocking "anonymous" who left the scathing comment, so fueled by their ethical desire to stand up for dear old TS, yet not so passionately enough to mark their name to it? Yes. I am. Stop taking life so seriously, and take things for what they are...funny. If you had signed your name to the comment, I would've posted it.

In other news, I was in Las Vegas over the weekend for one of my bestest friends wedding. I was told by a friend after posting the pics on my facebook, that I resembled a thinner Adele. The sad fact is that Adele is probably thinner than me. But it was a compliment because I love her voice.

I had to get a spray tan for the wedding, due to the fact my pale vanilla complexion would've been offensive in the short, strapless dress I had to wear, and I would've had to go to a tanning bed every day for a year to achieve the next shade darker of foundation. Foolishly, I went for a medium color, all the while envisioning a caramel complected version of myself, complete with shiny, silky looking legs that tan people always seem to have.

What I ended up with, was a face that was 8 shades darker than the rest of my body. So dark, that in a dimly-lit room, all that was visable was my teeth and eyeballs. So dark, that my friends husband was unable to take a picture of me, because the face-finder on the camera couldn't locate my face. So dark, that it turned the sides of my chin ashy, sort of like a five-o-clock shadow that I could most comparatively liken it to "Deena" on the Jersey Shore.

(Here, I would like to note that I am making fun of Deena because I am an ARMY WIFE.)

The disgusting part of the spray tan, is that it has halfway worn off now, but even with body scrub, hasn't come completely off, so I just look dirty around my hands and feet. Like I have rolled around in topsoil. My face has lightened from Eddie Murphys brother to a more beachy George Hamilton. Which is 18 shades darker than my original skin color, and 12 shades darker than my chest.

Not that I hate spray tans. I hate all tans, because I can't achieve one that looks natural and glowy. And because I am an ARMY WIFE.


  1. GOD I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!! You're never ending with your wit and humor, thank you!

  2. Is this where I get to jump in and say how as an AIR FORCE wife we are much cooler and much less mean? lol

    Glad your posting again!! I adore your blog.