When you're a mother, Friday night are not as fun.

Now that my kids are older, I can be sure that one of them will be gone every weekend at a sleepover. The downside is that the other kid is somewhat of a loner, and I highly encourage him to start making friends so that I actually get a Friday or Saturday night that doesn't involve me having a sad glass, (okay, bottle) of wine in my sweatpants with my snoring husband next to me.

When you get married at 19, and have two kids by 21, you tend to miss out on ridiculousness.

Now, at 32, I am ready to partake, but I missed the boat. Now I have to wait until my friends hit their 50s until they are child free and ready to regress back to doing fun things for the hell of it.

I can really only handle so many reruns.

I need to put on a sexy dress while I still have halfway decent cleavage and shake my butt on a dance floor. But it's kind of hard when almost everyone you know is expecting.

I've found that you have to plan midlife crisis for a time when there are others in your boat. Unfortunately, this is not that time. It's a lot harder to convince someone to pull an all nighter when they are plagued by the idea of being woken up at 6 am by a hungry toddler.

I've felt your pain, but take solace in the fact that it won't be long before they are functioning little beings. One day you WILL sleep again.