I don’t know about you, but my favorite time to watch Oprah is when she has her Favorite Things episodes. I don’t really know why I bother, because all it does it piss me off that these people get all this fabulous crap for free and I don’t. I am a very jealous person, I guess. I am still trying to figure out what magic she was lucky enough to be born with, making all these billions of dollars sitting on tv and talking.
Anyway, in the spirit of the holidays, I decided I would share with you my favorite things:
-Home Food Delivery: Sometimes I just don’t feel like cooking, nor do I feel like making myself presentable enough to leave the house. Fortunately, the restaurant industry understands this and they bring to food to me. The only thing that would make it better is if they would bring it directly to my bedside so I wouldn’t have to hover around the window waiting for them to avoid the doorbell ringing and my dogs going beserk.
-Lifetime Movie Network: I could, (and sometimes do) spend an entire weekend in bed watching these salacious morsels of delight. I used to make fun of people who watched “Television for Women” until I realized what crap these shows really are. Now, I can’t get enough of watching women who are having affairs with their stepsons, and try to poison their husbands with arsenic. This is really “trash tv”.
-Vodka and Red Bull: I know that this is dangerous when you binge drink on them, but I find that the older I get, the harder it is to stay awake past 11pm if I am drinking. These babies allow you to keep up with the young pups and keep your buzz. I don’t get the opportunity to have them as much as I’d like.
-The Food Network: A whole channel devoted to my favorite topic.
-My bed: Growing up, I had hand-me-down, mismatched bedroom furniture that probably came from my great-grandmother’s house. A few years ago, we splurged and spent $8000 on a gorgeous four-poster, king sized bedroom set. Aside from my tummy tuck, it was the best money ever spent. I want to send it post cards when I’m away on vacation.
-Mental Health Days: I love staying home sick when I am exhausted, and it is a valid legal reason to call in sick. There are no children to corral, no one to make you do housework and you can watch Maury Povich tell women of low moral value that that is not their baby’s daddy.
-Hazelnut Flavored Coffee: It warms you up, it wakes you up and it keeps you from getting constipated. ‘Nough said.
-Melted peanut butter on ice cream: I was horrified to learn that most ice cream shops don’t offer this as a topping when I moved away from Lancaster. This is one of the reasons that I love Friendly’s Restaurant.
-Built in seat warmers: I don’t know why, but I love having a warm heiny. I would gladly sacrifice half the features in my car in order to keep my butt warm. I do realize that it may become a useless tool if I move to Florida though.
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Thanks a bunch!