Friday, February 10, 2012

The Gospel According to Keri...(take notes.)

A few random topics I would like to address:

1. Stop babying your children. I say this in response to people who re-posted the video clip on Facebook of the father who took a gun and shot up his bratty teenager's laptop because she posted a nasty message about her parents online, and said he was being "harsh". We are looking at a generation who are going to be still living off their parents until they are 30. My kids get a lot of things that I didn't have, but they are going to earn rewards, and if they mouth off and don't deserve special things or liberties, they won't get them. I don't believe in every kid winning awards in sports or competitive events to bolster their self-esteem, over the age of 5. STOP REWARDING MEDIOCRITY. And if another parent or teacher tells you that your child did something disrespectful or inappropriate, then YOU should then deal with your child appropriately so that they know they will not get away with talking to ANY ADULT in that manner. I know my kids can be assholes, so if another adult tells me that they caught mine acting out, I am going to believe them instead of deluding myself that everyone else is the problem, and my kids are golden. Teenagers are going to test their boundries, but you are a parent, not their BFF, so act like it. My kids stopped liking me two years ago, and probably won't like me again until they have kids of their own. But they are going to ACT like they like me if they know what's good for them, or they are going to be pretty miserable for the next 6 years, while I am supporting them.

2. Just when you think nothing can get creepier than toe socks, then they make Skele-toe shoes. If you want to increase your odds of getting laid, then these shoes should come with a disclaimer that wearing them will completely ruin any chance you have of that. They look like webbed feet, which subconciously triggers some sort of malfunction in the brain that makes your sexual urges shut down to avoid reproducing with someone with a genetic anomaly. I am all about comfort, but not at the price of looking like this. I thought Crocs were the worst looking shoes ever made, and now the industry has taken it to a whole new level.

3. Stop making everything that happens in government a political issue. If you have a penis, shut your damn mouth about your opinion of whether birth control should be included in medical insurance plans...the bottom line is that women are smarter than you, and eventually one will be President, and then take away coverage of your Viagra. You will all be punished by making it too expensive to afford, you will become permanently impotent, and eventually we will just replace you completely with artificial insemination, making the world a nicer place, free of war, anorexic models and diet foods. Because let's face it...if there were no men, we wouldn't give two craps if we had an extra ten pounds to lose, and every meal would finish with a delectable baked good. Even second breakfast.


  1. Amen! You = awesome. Simply awesome

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