Do you ever feel like your engine has stalled? Engine being your life?
I feel like I wake up in the same rut every day. New challenges, and to those I say, "Bring it. I ate my Wheaties...and my leftover pizza, a few skittles and a half gallon of chocolate milk." Overkill, maybe.
I feel like I am on the verge of something big...and I know I am. But I just have to wait for it. Waiting to get away from the Army. It's taking FOREVER. Sometimes I think I will never get out of here. Because I hate it, and all that it represents.
But I am having second thoughts about where to go next.
I am supposed to go home. It's where the heart is, right?
Heartburn, is more like it. And way too much drama.
I like being several hundred (thousand) miles away from our families.
I mean, the fact that my brother in law is still alive is due, in part, to the fact I'm never close by enough to kill him. I am just keeping that part vague, although if you know me personally, you will probably be able to make an educated guess as to which brother in law. Normally, I don't post much about my family, in order to avoid them getting irritated at what I say, but right now, I don't really care.
I like my parents right now. Because they aren't around to nag me about every choice I make, and tell me how it's wrong. Because I miss them. When I don't miss them, then they have the uncanny ability to aggrevate me.
I do NOT want to go home. It's too high maintenance to deal with fussy people, and my family are fussy people. Nothing is ever uncomplicated, and everything has to be pre-arranged and according to plan, and I don't live that way. I waited from the time I was 10 to get out of there. I like living my life away from the microscope of people who judge.
On the flip side, I am a little nervous to get out of the army. We don't even know what our income will be until he's been out for about two months, so you can not really create a decent budget. And there is so many loose ends to tie up, I am afraid we will miss something important.
From what we are told, we are 3-6 months from being out. I thought we were more like 3, but evidently not. We are kind of stalled. It keeps getting changed, and that's why I feel like we are not really moving. That they are going to come and say, "Guess what??? You are stuck here FOREVER."
In order to pass the time, my friends say I should do some kind of class or something. I am thinking about taking up interests that have a high rate of death. I really like shopping, but that doesn't really work with my future plans. Or ability to pay bills.