Friday, January 13, 2012

Working Moms vs. Stay at Home...can't we all just get along?!

So, since I DVR everything, I am watching Anderson Cooper's daytime talk show from yesterday.
(Yes, I AM up early! I woke up at 6 and have been up ever since.)

So, this show is about who works harder, and blah, blah blah.

Whoa! Ladies...I've done it both ways, and there is no way to make the argument for one over the other.

First, it largely depends on the age of your kids. My kids are 11 and 13, so with me staying home right now, it's not even comparable to when they were 1 and 3. I can go back to sleep now, have plenty of time to get my duties done, and I am recouperating.

From what, you ask? The first 13 years of motherhood!!! I've been tired since the minute I peed on that stick!

But when I work fulltime, I am exhausted by the time I get home, have the housework to get done, help kids with homework, cook something edible, and it's busy. I have done this since 2003, and largely with my husband, as a single parent...but when my husband IS home, it's a completely different experience. My husband does housework, and when he's home, all the laundry.

Both sides have equal responsibility. If you stay home when your kids are little, GOD BlESS you, because it takes a calling. Seriously. I don't know how many times you can clean up the same mess in one day and keep your sanity. You are making a sacrifice to stay home, FOR YOUR KIDS. It takes dedication and love to never be away from them.

At least when I work outside the home, I feel that I am getting a break from my wife/mom side, and can feel like I am still able to hold an intellectual conversation. I had brain rot from listening to Barney. I had five minutes to myself when I worked. I actually worked less at work than when I had toddlers and stayed home!

I just think that whether you stay at home, work outside the home, or are blessed enough to have the choice, then instead of arguing who has it harder, why not support each other and leave it at that? We have enough bullshit to deal with in our relationships, asshole bosses, and tantrum prone children, so let's give each other a break and an 'atta girl.


  1. I feel the same way. When my kids go to school I'm going to need to stay at home one more year just to recuperate. Sometimes I love it that I can stay home but sometimes I'm just so BORED and I don't know if my brain will ever recover from the tediousness of it all.

  2. There is no way to win an argument that is has no right or wrong answer. Its just going to make the divide and fighting worse in the long run. I am not a mother yet (ttc currently) but when I am I plan to stay at home. Its a choice that works for us. I have had lots of experience with children thought. I was a live in nanny throughout college. While it is not totally the same as a working parent, I can relate it to my experience going to school for 8 hours a day and then working with the kids after words. Its not easy on either end of the spectrum and people just need to get over it.

  3. Neither one is harder. I've done both. It's just different. Whether it's fighting kids or clients who act like they're the same ages as your kids, you have good days and bad days in either setting. The only difference for me now is when the people I work with act like they're 5 and 10 years old, it's because they are. I agree with Anonymous above. Once the younger one is in school all day, every day, I'm going to need at least one full school year to recuperate and clean this house the way I did before kids.

  4. You are right. Sometimes we can all point fingers and compare who is "doing it better".

    Thanks for adding to the dialogue. We should support each other more, but more importantly, be kinder to one another.

  5. This article talks about how moms who want to stay at home can and moms can work from home making money online. It's possible to make more money from home than you can make working outside of home for someone else.