Guess what? You people have been reading my crap for 100 posts!

Yep...sad, but true.

You just keep coming back for more ridiculousness. And just think...this has been one of the most boring years of my life! Imagine what you have to look forward to when I actually change my sweatpants and leave the house.

On a day like today, my many irrational thoughts are scattered. It could definitely be that I've been hitting the bottle again lately. Yes, I fell off the "no anxiety medication" wagon this week. (And you thought I was drinking!...okay, I do that too, but "SOCIALLY", because that is the ACCEPTABLE term. HAHA.)

One thing I would like to address is the fact my mom warned me last night that my blog could be a hindrance to my job search, since obviously everyone in the SF Bay Area is akin to Google searching people before they hire them.

Gee, I never thought of that! (Eye roll)

All I can say to my prospective employers, is that I am super efficient, very hardworking, and I have no family drama that will affect my work. I am also very good for office morale. I'm not kidding. I can't tell you how many supervisors have told me that. It's because I am even MORE hilarious in person. I'm not one of those people who only seem funny in their blogs and then have the personality of a wet sock. This is the real deal, people. (And I promise I keep any swearing to a bare minimum in the privacy of my own head.)

I wouldn't want to work for anyone who didn't have enough of a sense of humor that they wouldn't be able to take my blog very "tongue in cheek."

To clarify, I really don't have a substance abuse problem, as it would indicate. It's just funny. (I'm not saying I don't use Xanax occasionally, or have drinks with friends. The truth is that I am saving the "abuse" part for my retirement. Something to look forward to.)

I am also a pretty good mom, for as much as I self-deprecate.

Now, enough about me, and on to Brittney Spears...

I'm a little irritated that her album is #1.

I've been saving a bottle of champagne for her official demise. I almost drank it when she shaved her head. Who knew that the American public would be so forgiving? I just don't find her singing voice particularly talented. Its very whiney and auto-tuned. She's a dancer. Okay, she USED to be a dancer. Now she gyrates. I could do that much. I DO, do that much! I am much more entertaining. She desecrated "Mouseketeer" status, much like that ho Keri Russell. And who the hell marries a backup dancer???

I know the gays love her...but it's because her shows are all humpy and campy. It's not because of real talent. I would rather...MUCH MUCH rather, go see a drag show. But she's got to go. I've been waiting for like 14 years for it to end. Okay, I will stop talking about her already.

-Sigh-
And finally...

An Open Letter to the US Congressmen and Women:

I am on the verge of descending in to Washington to give you a piece of my mind. You are all overpaid, narcissistic blow-hards that care more about furthering your parties agendas than coming to an agreement so that people can keep their jobs. Your job is to create a budget. How about you cut all the funding towards ridiculous projects that line your pockets, and keep in things that make sense, like providing birth control so that morons like your parents don't reproduce and create future idiot Senators and Representatives?

How about you come door to door to every household that has a soldier deployed, and tell their wives they aren't getting a paycheck? Why don't you go tell all the soldiers in Afghanistan that too? I'm sure their minds will really be on fighting for no reason, while their wives can't pay the rent or buy food at home because they only have one income. What are the priorities in this country? You will continue to deliver mail, but you will stop paying soldiers who could die???

And how about the tens of thousands of other government employees who may or may not get paid for a few weeks? I know I will get paid eventually because my job is mission essential, so they will backpay me. But most are not, and it is to be determined whether they will get paid if they are furloughed. That's a great way to rebound the economy.

Get it together, and fast. Because you are about to be in some serious trouble from the American people if you don't. I will campaign in 2012 to eliminate ALL of you sad idiots from office, and elect people who know how to get shit done!

(Scene)