Wednesday, April 6, 2011

What would I do if I won the lottery?

Okay, so apparently I didn't end up posting last night, like I intended.

Gavin got an Ipod for his birthday, so I was stuck loading it up with a bunch of random crap. I refused to buy him an Ipod because I don't even have one. I have commandeered Andy's for my office at work for the time being. But my mom and sisters took over and got him one.

I downloaded most of my music for him, and THEN realized half of it is inappropriate. Or is it? I mean when I was in 5th/almost 6th grade, I listened to what they were playing on MTv. And then he starts rapping some song by Khalifa/Walifa or something like that, and he already knew who Snoop was...there was no more that I could teach him, so I just warned him that not all the songs were edited for children, so don't be busting it out at school.

Poor Judgement on my part? I don't really care if it is. It's music.

I bought a lottery ticket on my way home from PA, Sunday night. I don't really know why. I was driving and saw a sign that it was over 200 million, so I figured, "why not?"

So then I kept thinking about how wonderful it would be to win. Do you know why I would like to be rich?

Because then I could get up whenever I wanted. Really. The extent of my motivation is to sleep in. However, I know that part of the "me" that is saying that, is the extremely tired and bored from a lack of anything fun.

After the first week of sleeping in, I would sit down and start to decide who I was going to give money to, with the assistance of an accountant. But I wouldn't just give them money...not my family, anyway. I would mail them a certified check with an anonymous note that says, "Once upon a time, you did something nice for me. Now I would like to repay the favor. Please use this money to pay off your house instead of buying ridiculous bullshit, like 6 kayaks, and racking up more debt, or you will never see more. Thanks...Your Gracious Benefactor."

Except my mom...her note would say, "God provides." This is a throwback to making fun of her for saying we could spend all our money and God would still give us more. I was like, "I don't think it works that way. God might provide a can of tuna if you really needed food, but not $200 Mil so I can go buy a bunch of new shoes." Haha...Love you mom.

I have two other best friends that I would send money to with the anonymous letter, just because I wouldnt want them to feel awkward about taking it. My other best friends, who live in California and whom I will refer to as "The Children of Satan", I would just tell them I was giving them money and hand it to them.

After all the giving of the money, I would buy a house. A big ass house. One with a whole room turned in to a custom closet. And my house would not only have a pool, but it would have a lazy river that split at one point, and one side dropped off in to a waterslide. This would serve two would be hilarious to laugh at people who didnt know it became a waterfall, and because it adds an element of fun. I would also pay someone to tend bar, next to the lazy river.

I would not hire a nanny...i would hire a referee to help with the kids when they fight. He would not have a whistle, he would have a modified cattleprod (so it wouldn't be dangerous)...when they got out of hand, he would get to zap them.

I would also build a compound in rural Idaho that would be where Andy and I sent all our parents when they became elderly (or unruly, which could be anytime now.)ALL our parent would go there, and it would be so far in the country, supplies would have to be airlifted in. It would have a big wraparound front porch with rocking chairs...kind of like the Cracker Barrel porch-because old people like that. lol. And there would be no phone, just a giant monitor on the wall so that when we did call them, it would scare the crap out of them all bc we would be giant heads.

This ridiculous fantasy could continue, but I will let it go for now so I can actually do some work. Since I am not rich.


  1. That was so funny Keri and I have spent so many millions in my dreams. I would love to be able to do just like I wanted to when I wanted to and think I would not buy too many things. I still like life to be simple but like creature comforts.

  2. So funny, love the 'referee' comment!
    Thanks for the blog frog follow, I am following back. I am also google friend following from my two blogs.
    would love if you could follow too.