If you haven't realized by now, I have horrible luck and as a result, even worse timing. I guess it wasn't the best choice to start my "positive thinking" exercise now, but how can you ever predict something really awful is going to happen?
In any case, I did pretty well to get through yesterday and this weekend. I had a pretty good weekend, getting a few things accomplished around the house. We are officially in the Pre-PCS(Primary Change of Station, for you non-military peeps) stage, with only 4 months to go until we leave this God-forsaken place.
Since we go on vacation soon, and Andy leaves from there for recruiting school, any last minute chores I need him to accomplish have to be done in the next two weeks. There is quite a laundry list for the poor guy. I am such a control freak, I would do most of it myself, except for the fact I'm kind of lazy when it comes to stuff I know he can't screw up. I'm not saying Andy screws things up all the time...when it's things that are high on his list of priorities, it's done immaculately.
Let me give you an example: He started refinishing my dining room set two months ago. I have a table done, 3 chairs are stained but not varnished and 3 chairs are yet to be touched. He has this weekend to get it done because next weekend, he will be packing. So on Sunday, you would think he would prioritize and get cracking on the chairs...but instead, he decides to go through the kids toys in their rooms and weed them out.
What??!?!?!?!? I have no idea. These things just pop into his head and feels compelled to get them done IMMEDIATELY, or it gives him anxiety and he can't sit down.
So here I am, cracking the whip, nagging him to finish the chairs because this is not something I am going to be doing while he is gone. I have to plan a move. I do EVERYTHING for the move. All he has to do is be my muscle, so this is the time I need him to focus on my list of things to finish up.
I started to get a little anxious on Sunday and I guess it worked it's way in to my subconscious because I didn't sleep hardly at all. I usually ruin my Sundays worrying about going back to work the next day...but I went in the bathroom and turned the shower on and just sat there. The sound of running water calms me and usually makes me tired, but it still didn't work. I tried to think of things that make me happy (no, not grilled cheese. Okay, grilled cheese makes me VERY happy...but I wasn't thinking about food THIS time) but nothing would make me tired.
But last night, I did really well, even in spite of the news we had lost a friend. I don't really want to talk anymore about the incident than what I said yesterday, out of respect for the familys privacy. I was able to really focus on relaxing by listening to music and blocking out all the negative thoughts that wanted to invade my mind. I have to push them out. It's a battle, but I am trying to find new ways to do this. What do you do to relax or meditate? I can't clear my head of all thoughts, but I CAN replace the bad thoughts with good ones.