I had this thought two nights ago, as I was trying to drift off to sleep:
What if my husband got a tattoo of a “Scarlett Letter A”, to always visually remind him of the mistakes he has made, and to also remind him that every negative action has consequences and how he has the power to stop them? I have thought of the term “adultery” several times going through this mess, and to think of that word made me think of that book, and how people were forced to wear the letter pinned to their chests, so that everyone would know their sin.
I mentioned it to him yesterday, and he didn’t understand the reference. He grew up in Canada, and therefore didn’t read “The Scarlett Letter” in high school. I explained the story to him and the significance of the “A” on Hester Prynne’s chest.
Do you know what he said?
He wants to do it.
He wanted it over his heart. But I talked him in to the wrist, so that he can see it at all times.
He has no idea what a flagrant display of his own shame like this does for me, and being sure of his intent. That he is willing to do it because he wants to, not because I thought of it…since I didn’t push at all, only brought up the notion.
He is not an intellectually minded person. He is an average Joe. A man who doesn’t read or look for symbolism. Doesn’t believe in superstition. If he IS romantic, it takes careful planning and yet still ends up being flowers or candles. Never anything not already done and over-played. Never anything that ever lived up to the unfulfilled notion of romance and creativity in my head.
Yet, he is willing to wear his mistake on the outside, for everyone to see. Wear his heart on his sleeve in an artful, yet completely honest display of humility.
That is a man worthy of my forgiveness and my love.
I don’t think anyone has ever done ANYTHING that I have ever found more romantic.
We go on Saturday.
I found your blog randomly through another blog. Reading it is really inspiring and it driving me to make my relationship even stronger. I appreciate your posts and I wish you the best of luck with all of your troubles.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to let you know that I've been reading you all along, even though my commenting has become almost less than non-existant! I have been in your position (in terms of infidelity) and can completely understand ALL your thoughts and feelings and actions. Should you ever need to talk, always remember that you've got friends out here who are more than willing to listen... :)
ReplyDeleteYour strength and faith continue to awe me. Good for you and good for your husband in taking the step.
ReplyDeleteOh my word. There are no words. Except that that is so powerful.
ReplyDeleteThis post almost made me cry. That's really cool. Your dh sounds strangely like mine, and I'm pretty fond of mine so that's a compliment. (and for the record, I grew up (and still live) in Canada and totally had to read the Scarlett Letter. And The Outsiders. :P)
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could write romance novels. Seriously. I know you are looking for a way to make money without a going to a job and having a boss, etc. You're a writer. You, with your imaginative, brazen style, could write a new kind of chick lit, especially since you've been through the wringer. I don't read this kind of thing, so I can't give you any advice, but I know you could do it, with a little research. Think about it. Maybe you have already.
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