Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Class Reunions are like car wrecks…

You really don’t want to see them, but you can’t help but look.

Like most people, I keep in touch with the majority of people I care to from high school or my youth. And I actually do a pretty good job at it. Sure, there are a few people I don’t get to talk to, or wonder what ever happened to them because they dropped off the face of the earth. And this is why I get drawn in to going to Reunion events.

And also to see people I hated, because in my head, I will have the balls to tell them to fuck off now.

I am still waiting to have the balls, in most cases.

Don’t get me wrong, the last few years of high school were pretty enjoyable. I had a good group of friends. But there is always a chain of insecurity in high school that pulls you down from being your true self. Maybe you were a dork who never got a date. Maybe you were popular, and felt pressured to be perfect. Maybe you were somewhere in the middle. You felt pretty good, but there were always a few who made you feel not good enough. That was me.

I like reunions to see how ugly the people are now, who I hated in high school. Some of them, you have to wonder why they were even popular to begin with, because they were ugly and not funny at all. How does it feel now, to be average like everyone else? You thought The Gap was high-end and didn’t even know what Prada was. You didn’t marry a plastic surgeon and move to Beverly Hills. You peaked at 17, and now secretly hide your addiction to meth, as your hatred for your life builds.

I also like to see the married couples who met in high school. I wonder if they really married their soul mates, or if they always wonder if they could have done better?

I also like reunions to be able to cheer for the underdog. Remember that girl who was really fat and quiet that you always pitied? You always wondered who she was? I love it when I see that they have lost all the weight and are gorgeous now. Because those are the people who deserve it. And then at reunions, when people say, “I don’t even remember you”, they can say, “Yeah, because you were a self-absorbed asshole.”

Most people in my high school thought they knew me, based on what little they did. I was blond and blue-eyed, bubbly and silly. I liked attention, and making people laugh. Self-deprecating humor has always worked for me, although I really have a healthy self confidence. People mistook my need to entertain for being dumb, when in actuality, I am smarter than most of them. It worked, because they underestimated me and then I didn’t have to put out as much effort.

People also thought I was a slut, because I got pregnant at 16. In reality, I had a boyfriend for a year, who was 18 and a German exchange student. Right before he left, I lost my virginity to him after my sweet 16th birthday party. I talked to my mother beforehand, to be responsible, and went on birth control, in case I went through with it. After this, I never saw him again because he had to go back to Germany. I was heart-broken, and 3 months later, I rebounded by having a summer time fling while on vacation. It was meant to make me feel better. What ended up happening, is that the guy was mentally unstable and abusive to me and I got pregnant because I hadn’t planned on sleeping with anyone and went off birth control. The day I found out I was pregnant, I broke up with him because I hated him. My biggest thought at the time, was that no one would ever take me to my senior prom. That was how I knew I wasn’t ready to be a mother. So my mom asked me if I wanted an abortion, and I didn’t know what I wanted to do. We went away to Baltimore for a weekend, so I could make a decision to have the baby or have an abortion. I had pretty much settled on an abortion, as I wanted no contact with the father what-so-ever, and made my choice to do so. And then it started to snow. The “Blizzard of 96”. And as it started to snow, I started to bleed. By the time we got back to Lancaster, I had miscarried. I went back to school a week later, and everyone thought I had an abortion. I would have, but I didn’t end up having to make that decision. It was made for me, and I am glad for that now. It would’ve been horrible to live with the guilt of that, even though it was the best choice for me at the time. People talked about me…how I was a slut because I got pregnant, even though they were sleeping with their boyfriends. Guess they didn’t realize they could’ve had the same problem very easily.

I didn’t become a slut until much later.

But it was that was fun. I had two years of casual sex before I got married. I didn’t do it because I had low self esteem. I didn’t do it to make boys like me. I did it because it was a blast and I was a goddess. And I have some hilarious stories, and slept with some people that most girls in my high school dreamed about. Why should I feel bad about that? Because it’s immoral? Could I have casual sex at this stage of my life, if I were single? Definitely. I am a sexual person. I’m not going to apologize for being myself. But I can honestly tell you that I have never cheated on my husband, from Day 1 of our marriage. I can keep my vagina in my pants.

I feel sorry for the closed-minded idiots that I went to school with. Those who took themselves so seriously that they didn’t bother to BE themselves. You might have sat at the “cool table” or the “smart table”, but you missed out on knowing me. So if I see you at the reunion and you are curious about what you might have missed, come over and say hi. I’ll give you a shot. Because if we haven’t grown at all in 14 years, then what have we done with our lives?


  1. This post is your best and brightest yet!!!!! You are speaking my language and I love the way you spell! Bravo to you and fuck 'em if they can't live their life. Please tell us how the prom queen looks upon your return. heheheh

  2. Wow, I didn't know you were a "slut" in high school. I must not have been listening when that story went through the grapevine, lol. Seriously though, it's incredible how honest and open you are. I really enjoy reading your blog.

    As soon as I saw the facebook talk about a reunion, I'm thinking "Oh crap"; old high school insecurites creeping into rememberance. It takes me from 32 to 16 in an instant.

    I hate the anxiety that goes along with it. I haven't kept in touch with anyone from school, so it makes me not want to go. There are a few people I'd love to see though. I'd at least like to see a beer belly on the hottie I crushed on who never noticed me.

    Anyway, thanks for posting this. I've been having similar thoughts myself.

    P.S. I also wondered the same thing about those high school sweethearts.

  3. Love this! I gotta tell ya, there's was one girl from my high school that was a complete bitch. She did some modeling and just thought she was the shit and treated people like shit. I saw her a few years after we graduated and it appeared she was going to have a baby. And had gained a lot of weight in her pregnancy. I saw her brother a few months later and asked him if she had her baby yet. And he said "Amber's not having a baby". Ha! The bitch just got fat! REALLY fat!

  4. I was 'the slut' in highschool. My story is very similar to yours only it happened about 3 years before.

    so I'm pretty sure everyone assumed I'd have 5 "illegitimate" children and a meth addiction by now. When I show up having already at 30 been married for over 10 years and live a boring stable life with my three kids and my faithful (and really hot) hubby, it blows their mind.

    Can't say I don't love that. :)

    It at the very least makes up for the fact that I am painfully aware I am not as thin as I was 3 kids ago...;p

    And as for the highschool sweethearts, well I met my hubby when we were 13 and while we may not have been together all through highschool, we got married right after. And I can't say I ever looked back. But I'm probably not the norm.

  5. Three years ago when I attended my high school reunion, I felt cheated. Thanks to Facebook and other social networking sites, I had already discovered who had gotten fat, who was balding, who had grown from an ugly duckling into a swan. Every clique that existed in the cafeteria at Hempfield existed at that restaurant that night... the same groups congregated around one another just as they did at school events... the cool kids, the band and chorus geeks, the ones who felt like they were somewhere in the middle. It was boring, and if I could've asked for a refund for my extremely overpriced ticket, I would have.

    And, as a testament to the assholes we've had to deal with... I was called a slut because I had large breasts... I've been a DD since I was in 6th grade. Boys were not kind. Girls were jealous. In reality, I had three boyfriends through all of high school and by the end of my senior year had only been intimate with one of them. Several years later, while in college, I went to a party with my then-boyfriend (who did not go to HHS, but partied with former classmates of mine) and ran into someone who sat next to me in homeroom from seventh grade through senior year. Throughout the night he commented on how hot I looked and how he couldn't believe he didn't remember me from school, and I felt vindicated when I was able to stand up for myself and give him a big "fuck you" for all of the mistreatment that was sent my way those years that was initiated by his crowd.

    You are a smart, beautiful woman and you have an amazing sense of self. I've read your blog for the better part of the year. In high school, I admired you for your self-depreciating humor and your ability to not give a flying fuck what anyone thought. (At least from my outsider perspective, anyway...)

    And although I still admire those qualities, in reading your blog I've discovered new qualities in you I admire... your commitment to your marriage, your willingness to share about your recent struggles, your strength for doing what you felt was best and listening to your heart...

    Thanks for this blog... and thanks for taking us on this journey with you.

  6. Awesome post. Snaps to you girl! You show those old high school kids what's up :) My class is having a 5 year "get together" but I'm choosing not to attend for many of the reasons you listed above :)

  7. I love this post. It's what we are all thinking when we hear "reunion" talk. Love, love, love this. :)

  8. I hate high school reunions. I went to my 10 year because I wanted to catch up with the "gang" that I hadn't seen is a while. I ended up getting too drunk...kind of like high school, come to think of it. It was so funny, the people who came up to me, the ones who never gave me the time of day back then, and they wanted to carry on a conversation. Seriously? WTF? I was that "Never Been Kissed" girl in H.S. So what was with this stuck up B talking to me for anyway? I skipped my 20th 'cause who needs more of that?

    It's so funny how people judge you so harshly when you're in H.S. when they are out doing the same things...they just didn't get "caught" in a pregnancy, but it could so easily be them. I girlfriend got pregnant at 16 and also had a miscarriage. Then defending her when people called her names. They didn't know crap about her life! Great post and kudos for being so honest.