You really don’t want to see them, but you can’t help but look.
Like most people, I keep in touch with the majority of people I care to from high school or my youth. And I actually do a pretty good job at it. Sure, there are a few people I don’t get to talk to, or wonder what ever happened to them because they dropped off the face of the earth. And this is why I get drawn in to going to Reunion events.
And also to see people I hated, because in my head, I will have the balls to tell them to fuck off now.
I am still waiting to have the balls, in most cases.
Don’t get me wrong, the last few years of high school were pretty enjoyable. I had a good group of friends. But there is always a chain of insecurity in high school that pulls you down from being your true self. Maybe you were a dork who never got a date. Maybe you were popular, and felt pressured to be perfect. Maybe you were somewhere in the middle. You felt pretty good, but there were always a few who made you feel not good enough. That was me.
I like reunions to see how ugly the people are now, who I hated in high school. Some of them, you have to wonder why they were even popular to begin with, because they were ugly and not funny at all. How does it feel now, to be average like everyone else? You thought The Gap was high-end and didn’t even know what Prada was. You didn’t marry a plastic surgeon and move to Beverly Hills. You peaked at 17, and now secretly hide your addiction to meth, as your hatred for your life builds.
I also like to see the married couples who met in high school. I wonder if they really married their soul mates, or if they always wonder if they could have done better?
I also like reunions to be able to cheer for the underdog. Remember that girl who was really fat and quiet that you always pitied? You always wondered who she was? I love it when I see that they have lost all the weight and are gorgeous now. Because those are the people who deserve it. And then at reunions, when people say, “I don’t even remember you”, they can say, “Yeah, because you were a self-absorbed asshole.”
Most people in my high school thought they knew me, based on what little they did. I was blond and blue-eyed, bubbly and silly. I liked attention, and making people laugh. Self-deprecating humor has always worked for me, although I really have a healthy self confidence. People mistook my need to entertain for being dumb, when in actuality, I am smarter than most of them. It worked, because they underestimated me and then I didn’t have to put out as much effort.
People also thought I was a slut, because I got pregnant at 16. In reality, I had a boyfriend for a year, who was 18 and a German exchange student. Right before he left, I lost my virginity to him after my sweet 16th birthday party. I talked to my mother beforehand, to be responsible, and went on birth control, in case I went through with it. After this, I never saw him again because he had to go back to Germany. I was heart-broken, and 3 months later, I rebounded by having a summer time fling while on vacation. It was meant to make me feel better. What ended up happening, is that the guy was mentally unstable and abusive to me and I got pregnant because I hadn’t planned on sleeping with anyone and went off birth control. The day I found out I was pregnant, I broke up with him because I hated him. My biggest thought at the time, was that no one would ever take me to my senior prom. That was how I knew I wasn’t ready to be a mother. So my mom asked me if I wanted an abortion, and I didn’t know what I wanted to do. We went away to Baltimore for a weekend, so I could make a decision to have the baby or have an abortion. I had pretty much settled on an abortion, as I wanted no contact with the father what-so-ever, and made my choice to do so. And then it started to snow. The “Blizzard of 96”. And as it started to snow, I started to bleed. By the time we got back to Lancaster, I had miscarried. I went back to school a week later, and everyone thought I had an abortion. I would have, but I didn’t end up having to make that decision. It was made for me, and I am glad for that now. It would’ve been horrible to live with the guilt of that, even though it was the best choice for me at the time. People talked about me…how I was a slut because I got pregnant, even though they were sleeping with their boyfriends. Guess they didn’t realize they could’ve had the same problem very easily.
I didn’t become a slut until much later.
But it was that was fun. I had two years of casual sex before I got married. I didn’t do it because I had low self esteem. I didn’t do it to make boys like me. I did it because it was a blast and I was a goddess. And I have some hilarious stories, and slept with some people that most girls in my high school dreamed about. Why should I feel bad about that? Because it’s immoral? Could I have casual sex at this stage of my life, if I were single? Definitely. I am a sexual person. I’m not going to apologize for being myself. But I can honestly tell you that I have never cheated on my husband, from Day 1 of our marriage. I can keep my vagina in my pants.
I feel sorry for the closed-minded idiots that I went to school with. Those who took themselves so seriously that they didn’t bother to BE themselves. You might have sat at the “cool table” or the “smart table”, but you missed out on knowing me. So if I see you at the reunion and you are curious about what you might have missed, come over and say hi. I’ll give you a shot. Because if we haven’t grown at all in 14 years, then what have we done with our lives?